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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
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Help? - July 18th 2009, 04:33 PM

I can't do it. I tried. I didn't tell my doctor i've been cutting myself again so she just doubled my dose of antidepressants and said to come back in 8 weeks. I feel so alone. I just want to die. I need help, but there's no-one to talk to. No-one gives a shit about me. There's no point anymore. I've got enough pills to OD on now. I think I should. Suicide is the only way out now. I've tried everything else. I can't be happy, so what's the point in trying?
I'm sorry
   
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Re: Help? - July 18th 2009, 05:39 PM

you can be happy.
it's just going to take some time to be happy.
and i know you don't really want to take that time BUT it'll be alright.
is there away you could call your doctor and tell her you left out the fact that you've been cutting yourself and you feel that she needs to know.
why don't you throw the pills out so that you are safe.
is there not anybody you can talk too; friends, family, etc.
somebody you could call up and be with.
if you feel that you are going act upon these urges then call a hotline or check into a local hospital and tell them that you are sucidal.
please, do not act upon these urges.
you have so much to live for, your young and life will get soooo much better if you just keep hanging on.
i care.
pm me anytime.


when life is in discord; praise ye the Lord

keep your faith alive.
we're not alone <3
   
  (#3 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Help? - July 18th 2009, 06:13 PM

Hey there, Ella. =]

First, I just want to say that I’m really glad you decided to reach out and tell us how you’re feeling. Keeping all those emotions to yourself would not help you at all, so it’s good that you’re sharing. Sometimes, even just writing out your feelings can make things a lot more clearer, and knowing that somebody cares. You are not alone, we’re all here for you and you can talk to us anytime at all! Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem; it is not the only way out of this. You have the power to turn your life around, you just have to believe in yourself.

We do care, Ella. All of us. I know right now it must seem so tough, and I’m sorry you’re going through such a bad time right now, but just try to keep positive about everything. Life may seem like too much to handle right now, but you know what? Everything does always get better, honestly. It may not be tomorrow, it may not be next week, but sooner or later, things will start looking up for you! I just know it. But you have to be alive in order to experience the good times, so hang in there, Ella.

I think you should go back and talk to your doctor, I really do. I know it’s a scary thought, letting somebody know that you’re not doing as well as they thought you were, but you’re a really strong person, Ella, I just know you are. So think about taking that step and going back to see her again. I’m sure she’ll be very glad that you’re telling her the truth, rather than bottling it all up inside, to the point that you just feel you’re about to explode.

Self Harm is an addiction, Ella. A really dangerous one, but one that so many other people suffer with. You’re definitely not alone when it comes to that, I promise you that much. But you know, it never really helps anything, not in the end. You have so much emotional pain to deal with already, why add all the physical pain on top of it? It’s difficult to stop cutting, which of course you already know, but it can be done. Everybody relapses sometimes, but it doesn’t mean you can’t get back up and fight it again. Maybe you should think about giving up cutting altogether. Start a count, it might give you one little thing to live for. And if you slip up, it’s not the end of the world. Just start right where you left off. Because if you run a mile, nothing can take that mile away from you.
I’m not sure if you’ve read it already, but we have a wonderful Alternatives thread here on the site. Alternatives are things which you do to keep your mind off cutting until the urge passes, things to keep you occupied when you feel like hurting yourself. If you want to take a look at it, here’s the link:
Alternatives To Self Harm

I know that right now, it really doesn’t feel like life is worth living, and it’s okay to feel that way. We all feel like that from time to time! The thing that we have to remember though is, that life is always worth living. There are always great things to accomplish and great people to meet! Think about all the wonderful opportunities you’d be missing out on! There are loads of things to live for, Ella, you just have to find them. You know what I find helps a lot when I’m feeling like you are? I find it wonderful to get out a piece of paper (or a Microsoft Word document!) and start making a list. A list of what? All the tiny little things that make me smile. It can be a good book, and movie, a friend, a favourite joke, anything at all that makes you even the tiniest bit happy! And live for those things, Ella. Live so that you can see all the tiny things transforms into bigger and better things. We also have a thread of reasons to live! (I know, we seem to have a thread for just about everything, eh?). It’s pretty good for realizing all the little things in life, and just reading through it can be a distraction from any problems that are going through your head. If you want to take a look at that thread, then here ya go:
Reasons To Live

Do you like music, Ella? A lot of people find that music can be great for getting you through the hard times! How about making a wee playlist of happy songs? Songs that’ll make you smile when you’re feeling down, songs that can make you feel even just a little bit better. And believe it or not, we have a thread for this too. I know I’m sending you all over the place, but if you want ideas for some happy songs, check out this thread:
Hold On To Hope

I know it’s tough right now, Ella, but I promise you’ll be okay. You’re really strong, you can get through this! Just turn all those negative thoughts into positive ones! And think about going to see your doctor, all right? It might be the best thing for you right now. You’re not alone, Ella. As long as TH is here, you’ll never be alone! S And I have one more thread that I want to direct you to. (The last one, I swear!) It's a list of hotlines, just so you know who you can call if you need to. Here you are:
Hotlines

Stay strong, and take good care of yourself. If you ever need anything at all, you know where to find me. Hang in there, Ella.


Last edited by noise94; July 18th 2009 at 06:24 PM. Reason: Fixing things up. (:
   
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Re: Help? - July 18th 2009, 06:17 PM

Hi Ella

Im sorry for what I am hearing from you....

You know you dont have to be unhappy....there is such a thing as happiness...you deserve it...even if you have to work for it. Depression is such a tough thing to do.....but you must let your doctor know whats going on.....if you cant speak....try showing this message. To get proper treatment, the docs need to know.

Is there anybody you can talk to.....relative....counsellor....

The pills, I want you to get them, and throw them outside, in a bin, down the toilet. That will make things less tempting....you dont want to die....leaveing behind what you have.....you just want the pain to stop.

Throw the pills, sit and watch a comical film with a nice cup of coco to relax.

If you still feel suicidal, then get somewhere safe, like the hospital A+E

You can pull through, your strong enough to ask for help.....your strong enough to make it through...

PM me if you want to

Jamie
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PM me!



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Re: Help? - July 18th 2009, 07:34 PM

the point in living is working to make yourself happy. if you die you'll only be more miserable than ever. the statistics show that those who don't succeed in suicide attempts, are very glad that they didn't and those who do succeed wish they hadn't. you don't want to die, you jut want to feel happy again. tell your doctor that you are cutting, and you can get help so you can become happy again.
   
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Re: Help? - July 19th 2009, 01:04 AM

Hey there

Never give up! I know things are sad at the moment. Listen to your fav song, meet some new peple randomly. Some can be very nice

I have no idea how alone you feel but if you ever need a random person to talk to about ANYTHING, evennn eatenders :P anything, Pm me

Everything will be ok <3

You never know what tomorrow will bring.
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Re: Help? - July 19th 2009, 03:18 AM

Hey ella, never give up. life can turn around for you. i know it must seem like the hurt and the cutting will never end but it will be strong its great that you've come here for support its a good stepping stone. youve taken that first step now take an other one, talk to someone close to you your doctor for example they are there to help you. pm me if you need anything i am always here
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Re: Help? - July 19th 2009, 04:55 AM

Hey Ella,

please don't hurt yourself! I'm sorry that things are feeling so end-of-the-line. But even when we've tried everything, when it seems there's nothing left to do, turns out that there always is. We just can't see it at that point. So we have to keep hanging in there, knowing that either that next option will cross our mind or someone else who we've talked to will have another perspective to offer.

Maybe telling your doctor that you've starting cutting again would open up more of a pathway to getting better. I know that it can be scary, but it's important, you taking care of you by asking others for help in doing that.

I promise, Ella, you are cared about. Deeply. And always. We care about you here. I care about you.

Hang in there. Feel free to PM me anytime.


Drown in the music,
dance in the rain,
block out the thunder,
and let the scars fade.
   
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Re: Help? - July 19th 2009, 12:52 PM

My family are away in 2 weeks. I'm gonna do it then. There'll be no-one to stop me. It's been 5 years of feeling like this. I can't take it anymore. I can't do it.
   
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Re: Help? - July 19th 2009, 01:03 PM

You can't do it. Your family must care right? I mean can't you go with them so you won't do anything to yourself? There is a way to get better, I know I'm a hypocrite because I feel the same way as you do but I can help you if you wish?


You were the angel of my life, taught me to be free
Now I'm a stranger in your eyes.
   
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Re: Help? - July 19th 2009, 01:13 PM

My family are to preoccupied with my little brother. They barely even talk to me anymore. I would go with them, but the flights are already booked and stuff, so I cant. The only way out is to die
   
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Re: Help? - July 19th 2009, 01:15 PM

It's not the only way out! You posted on here for a reason, you wanted help and most people on here want to help you. What's causing you to feel this way?


You were the angel of my life, taught me to be free
Now I'm a stranger in your eyes.
   
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Re: Help? - July 19th 2009, 01:57 PM

theres nothing in particular making me feel this way.theres things that are making it worse, but I've been like this for as long as I can remember. I can't stand it anymore. I hate myself so much. I'm so sick of this.
   
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Re: Help? - July 19th 2009, 02:15 PM

What's made you hate yourself? Can you try and fix or change the things that are making matter worse?


You were the angel of my life, taught me to be free
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Re: Help? - July 19th 2009, 04:51 PM

I'm just a useless piece of crap. I'm fat ugly lazy and I just don't deserve to be happy. I screw everything up. I hurt people. I've messed up my entire family. No-one could ever love me.
I've changed everything I can that makes me feel worse. I stopped drinking, stopped doing drugs, stopped sleeping around. But there's so much else going on. I was sexually abused by my older brother when I was 9. My mum has never had time for me due to my 2 older brothers fighting when we were younger, and my little brother has cerebral palsy, epilepsy and autistic tendancies, so he takes up nearly all of her time now. She got really ill a couple of years back and had to have a kidney transplant so I had to look after my brother until she was better. It's as if I don't exist. My father has made it painfully obvious that he doesn't care about me. I haven't seen him in nearly 2 months and when I tried to phone him to have a chat and catch up he completely blew me off. My ex boyfriend raped me. Every time I close my eyes I replay every single bad memory over and over again.There is no point in trying anymore. I just screw things up
   
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Re: Help? - July 19th 2009, 05:04 PM

Look, please don't do that. Your life is worth way too much. I know it seems bad now, but time heals all wounds.

I was in a position like yours - where I had NO one. I basically lost my parents,(not literally but mentally), and I lost my girlfriend of 9 months, and all my friends, including my two best friends. I had no one - and thats what brought me here. I was antisocial for at LEAST a month, and it was bad. But here I am - I got all that back, and I'm happier than ever. Why? Because I kept my head up through the hard times. Things WILL get better - you just gotta believe. You can't ever get back to those good times if you kill yourself. Please dont...





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Re: Help? - July 19th 2009, 06:24 PM

My life is worth nothing. No one would even notice if I died, so why should I bother? What's the point in staying alive just so I can be unhappy and alone?
   
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Re: Help? - July 19th 2009, 06:55 PM

We would notice though Look, you have a chance at life. Like everyone does. Some people arnt that lucky that live in third world countries and have nothing.

And the reason why should bother in life is, You shouldnt let life beat you. You gotto fight it and give it all you got. You only live once and for that time is so short.

Where abouts do you live in england?
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Re: Help? - July 19th 2009, 07:21 PM

hants, and I know that there are so many people worse off than me but its so hard to try when my life has been a series of let downs and dissappointments. I don't have the energy to try anymore
   
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Re: Help? - July 19th 2009, 07:30 PM

What are you goals in life? What do you want to own or what places in the world do you want to visit, You always have to look on the positive side of things and they will carry you trhough this bad patch your going through. Time heals so much and if you just hang in there you will see You do have the energy its all inside you, You just have to make it happen
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Re: Help? - July 19th 2009, 08:13 PM

I don't have goals anymore. I've never been alble to acheive anything. Having aspirations only dets me up for more dissappointment. The places I want to visit will have no significance when I die. There is no point
   
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Re: Help? - July 19th 2009, 09:55 PM

The places you want to go don't have to have significance. If you want to go there then you have to set that as a goal, and get there and do it. I know it's a long shot but you have to stay here and fight to get there. You're still here today after everything that you've been through, you have to keep going. I'll be around if you need someone to back fall on.


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Re: Help? - July 20th 2009, 05:01 AM

Hi Ella,

please don't hurt yourself, honey. You've had to deal with so much, and I'm so sorry that you're hurting, but suicide is not the only option.

Even with everything that's going on, you are still important, too. You deserve to get the care what you need, too. You matter. Do you have a counselor? You deserve to have someone who will listen completely to you, and try to help you with what's going on. Or maybe try telling your doctor how you're actually feeling right now?

Is there anyway you could stay with another relative, or a friend? Sometimes being in a more supportive environment, where you can "feel like a person," can help a bunch.

Please don't hurt yourself, Ella. You would be missed terribly. We'd miss you. I'd miss you. You are cared about, deeply.

Hang in there. Feel free to PM me anytime.


Drown in the music,
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and let the scars fade.
   
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Re: Help? - July 20th 2009, 08:23 AM

I'm not important. My doctor offered to refer me to a councellor, but I said no because I can't talk about stuff. Every time I try its like I lose my voice. I literally can't speak.
The only other relative is my father and my mum sends me to stay at his house as a punishment.
   
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Re: Help? - July 20th 2009, 12:11 PM

But you can talk about it on here, yeah? Because you're writing it out. No words are coming out of your mouth but it doesn't matter because you're getting your point across anyway.

Counsellors will accept letters/emails too, Ella! You don't HAVE to say anything out loud until you're ready. How about asking your doctor to refer you again, and you can start slowly by just emailing/letter writing?

Last edited by noise94; July 20th 2009 at 05:21 PM.
   
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Re: Help? - July 20th 2009, 05:43 PM

I can't do it. I can't ask for help again. It's too hard. I'm sick of trying
   
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