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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
roe Offline
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Name: Taylor
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Unhappy I don't even know - July 20th 2009, 05:55 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of suicide, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread therefore might not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

Finally mustered up everything I had to post this.

Everyone's gone to bed now, and I could easily go into the kitchen and get what I need to get things done with. About a half hour ago I started moving my hands, and now I can't stop.
I'm close to tears trying to write this.
I am extremely shy. I'm going to high school this fall. All I can think about is how I'm not going to make any friends, then I'll fail, then I won't go to college and get a decent job.
I don't know why I'm so depressed. I have a couple of alright friends (my "best friend" hardly says anything to me anymore, no idea why). I just can't talk to anybody. I want to tell my mom so badly so I can get help, but I've never been able to talk to her about private things like that. Again, I don't know why.
I can't do this. I can't try to hide the thoughts running through my head. If I try to talk to my "best friend" (slightly mentioned above) about being depressed, she says "Taylor, you're not the only one with problems." She's just so 'listentomyproblemslykeomg' sometimes. I listen to her. Of course I listen to her. If someone needs to talk to me, I listen. The least she could do was listen to me.
/Short rant.

Part of me wants to to the deed tonight, part of me doesn't. There's a terrible urge to SH again, and I can't fall back into that again..
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
jman Offline
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Re: I don't even know - July 20th 2009, 05:59 AM

high school isnt like in the movies you will be fine youll make new friends and lose old ones youll find your place in school its not as bad as people think its just really overdramatized. really dont sweat it you will be ok
  (#3 (permalink)) Old
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Re: I don't even know - July 20th 2009, 06:06 AM

Hi Taylor,


I'm sorry that you're feeling so down right now, honey. But please don't hurt yourself. Suicide is never an option, and there are always other options. We'll getcha through this. And by the way, I'm really proud of you for posting. I know that it can really take a lot.

I promise, you will make friends in high school. You seem like a really nice person, and a lot of other people are going to notice that, too, and want to be friends with you. There'll be the people you have classes with, and doing something like a sport or an extracurricular activity can help you meet people with similar interests, too. So you will make friends, you will not fail, you will go to college, and you will get a decent job. It'll be okay. I have a cousin who nearly failed out of high school but is still a perfectly awesome person, and he is actually going to a college that he's quite happy with. My father didn't finish college but currently runs his own business. So whatever happens, you'll be quite alright

I'm really sorry that your friend isn't being more understanding. You deserve to be listened to. You and how you're feeling matter, and your friend should remember that. But we're always here to listen. Is there a counselor you could talk to, as well? Counselors can be someone who are there entirely for you, to help you out with what's going on. A counselor might also be able to help make the transition to high school a little bit smoother.

Hang in there, Taylor. Feel free to PM me anytime. I'll be thinkin' of ya

Drown in the music,
dance in the rain,
block out the thunder,
and let the scars fade.
  (#4 (permalink)) Old
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Re: I don't even know - July 20th 2009, 06:37 AM

Hey Taylor,

I am sorry that you are struggling so much but please don't hurt yourself. I know that right now you are going through a difficult time but you can get through this you just have to give yourself time.

Taylor, high school can be hard at times but I am sure you will meet people. I had the same fears about going into high school(I am shy too) but I ended up meeting quite a few people. If you are really worried about making friends I would suggest joining one of the many clubs that your school will probably offer(maybe you could join two or three even ). The clubs will help get you into an environment with people who have the same interest as you and over time you will probably become comfortable enough to talk to them and what not. Please give a club a try, I know it helped me some.

As for your best friend, have you tried talking to her and asking her what is going on? Maybe she isn't ignoring you on purpose but she just has a lot going on? And, if she is doing it for a reason (doesn't seem like there could be one) then maybe you two could try and work through it.

I too am sorry that your friend isn't a bit more understanding but sometimes people get too caught up in there own life and problems to really think about anyone else.

Since you are going to high school I am sure you will, eventually, meet someone who will be pretty understanding. I know I met a few understanding people in high school.

As for talking to your mom; I am glad that you want to reach out and get help but I can understand how hard that can be; do you think writing your mom a letter about all of this would be an easier way to explain it? I know its easier for me to write letters to people(not that I always do it) and in writing a letter I get my feelings out a lot more. Do you think you could give it a try? I think telling your mom is a great idea and doing so really might lead to you getting the help you deserve.

Taylor, you sound like a great person and you deserve a chance at a happier life so please ask for help. Also, please hang in there and if you ever need to talk feel free to pm me.


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  (#5 (permalink)) Old
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Re: I don't even know - July 20th 2009, 04:24 PM


it seems like you're going through a hard time right now but don't end it just because everything is a mess right now because in the end everything is going to work out and you are going to be happy that you are alive.

trust me, you will make new friends in high school, it's not as bad as everybody makes it sound, trust me i'm a senior and i've been there, it's not bad at all! it might actually be very helpful to you because you'll meet new friends and such. get involved in activites that interest you because then you'll meet people with the same interest as you.

it seems like you really want to reach out to your mom, what's holding you back. i'm sure she would want to help you!! if you can't talk to her then maybe write a note before you go to bed or go out and leave it somewhere she will see it!

communcation is a good way to get over depression and suicidal feelings! i think you really need to speak with somebody; friends, family, other trusted adults, etc. also, maybe think about counselling, it can be a really good thing!

don't SH it's not worth it. trust me it might make you feel better for now but the feelings always come back you can do something much healthier than cutting yourself...do something you enjoy doing!

hang in there.
PM me anytime <3

when life is in discord; praise ye the Lord

keep your faith alive.
we're not alone <3
  (#6 (permalink)) Old
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Re: I don't even know - July 20th 2009, 04:56 PM

Hey Taylor,

First of all, good job on gathering all your strength to post this. I know it's hard to discuss problems in the open, even if it's on a web site. It's difficult to do in general and you should be proud of being able to overcome the fears and post anyway. It takes a lot and I really hope you can find something helpful in the replies you'll receive.

High school is really built up to be something that it isn't. It's built up and it's made to seem like a huge transition but it isn't. Don't make yourself more worried than you need to be. Just smile and be yourself. The first year really isn't going to be as bad as you think. All the teachers know you're new and they don't nail work to you and expect you to never have questions or problems. People understand. It's your first time in high school just as much as it is everyone else's. Everyone is walking around a little nervous and more shy than they normally are. Everyone is new, and you're no different. Don't worry about not making friends or being alone, just smile and be yourself. That's all you can ever be, you'll find people who like you for you.

As for your friend, stick with the people you know the first few days. Try to stay with familiar people if you're really incomfortable. But don't be shy because you're worried what people think, because on the first few days, everyone is wandering around self conscious. Everyone wants to make new friends, but is worried about how. Just be yourself and don't put more stress on yourself than you need to. And your friend is right. People do have problems and she should follow her advice and realize that you have your own problems too. I really think you deserve better and someone who will at least listen. I know it's difficult to talk to people about how you feel, but maybe your mom could set you up an appointment with a counselor? Then you would have someone who listens and you can vent to. You don't need to tell your mom everything if you're uncomfortable, but you can let her know you're having troubles and want to speak to a professional. You might be surprised and realize your mom is easier to talk to than you thought. You never know until you try.

You're on the right track to seeking out others help. Things are lighter with others to carry some of your problems too. Don't give up on yourself. Don't fall back into self harm, it'll just give you more things to worry and deal with. Don't make more problems for yourself. It's a quick coping method, but it doesn't help. It'll only make more things to cope with in time. You can do this without that and I know it and believe it. You've made it so far, you just need to keep pushing. Things can get better. I know it. If you need anyone to talk to ever, don't be shy to PM me. I'm always here for you. You're not alone okay? Take care.

Have hope,

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Baby stand tall. You can have it all.

Don't you worry your pretty little mind, people throw rocks at things that shine..
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