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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
lonelyguy Offline
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hi again - July 26th 2009, 02:31 AM

Hi.

I haven't posted in a while, mainly because I have been preoccupied. I've been going through some very emotionally stressing times recently. I could not hide my anxiety, loneliness, and depression from my parents anymore. So, I sort of had a breakdown. I was very upset. I still am upset with myself. My parents say they will help me get a therapist of some sort. I got myself a self help book for social anxiety.

I felt this was the best place to post my thread because my anxiety and loneliness amounts to depression. I am depressed every day. I am also living away from home right now. I'm in a sort of summer program. Whenever we have social activities I usually keep to myself. I think I must look pretty pathetic. haha... I can't really talk to people in big groups. Im only capable of a one on one thing I suppose.

I live in an apartment with a few people. Sometimes I hide in my room and cry a bit. I bought some razor blades... I used them a couple times.

I'm just so absolutely lonely. One of the people I work with got in a relationship with someone within a week. I can't imagine that. I've never had a relationship. I don't understand what is wrong with me. I want to jump out a window sometimes. Or off a bridge. I just don't feel happy enough to live anymore. It really seems pointless. I'm just too socially pathetic to live happily ever..

I'm so lonely. It doesn't seem like anyone really understands what it's like to just be desperately lonely. And to just be able to communicate your emotions with yourself. To just see everyone having fun and being carefree and going out with each other, while I'm just pathetically lonely.

I know you'll probably all just tell me to get involved or try talking to people...but that is skipping a step. That is what I have trouble doing. I do not know how to get over that. I really don't know. I don't know what to do anymore. I'm so pathetic. I really can't believe how I'm just completely ignored and disregarded for other people.

I like this one girl that I work with, but I am unable to communicate any of my thoughts. I cannot even ask if she'd like to hangout or something. So, what is wrong with me? And why am I not good enough for someone to notice me?

Obviously my physical characteristics are not very good. But it just seems that it's even more than that. No one wants to know me. Girls wouldn't prefer me. I don't really see any point anymore.

Thanks, and please, I do not want anyone who has had a relationship to post. You do not understand.
   
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Re: hi again - July 26th 2009, 12:51 PM

Hey Mitch welcome back to the forums.

I really think that its a good idea to get that thearpist your parents are offering and really talk with them you said you can handle one on one stuff and when your with a thearpist it will just be you and them.

I know that your upset with yourself because you had a breakdown and your parents found out about everything. But if you think about it maybe it was for the best because now you can get the help that you need and deserve.

I get how you feel about being lonley. Last year and some of this year I felt the same way. Id go to school and just sit there wouldnt talk to anybody and nobody talked to me and I even had friends but they still didnt talk with me it just felt horrible.

You said that your living with a few people maybe you could just go and sit out there with them so your not by yourself all the time. And im sure they wont completly ignore you. Also those razor blades you bought please throw them away. If your not addicted to cutting I promise you, you do not want to be it is a horrible addiction and so hard to get over.

Looks dont matter its whats on the inside that counts. A person will come around some day that will fall in love with you and not the way that you look. I cant tell you when that will be but the day will come.

You said you dont want us to tell you to get involved and start talking to people. So since you wont do that I think the first step is really getting that thearpist and talking with her/him. Let them help you get to the bottom of things and they can give you some ideas to help you to talk with friends and stuff.

If you ever want to talk about anything at all feel free to Pm me


   
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Re: hi again - July 27th 2009, 11:45 PM

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Originally Posted by yaitsme View Post
Looks dont matter its whats on the inside that counts. A person will come around some day that will fall in love with you and not the way that you look. I cant tell you when that will be but the day will come.
I don't think that's true. There re other things wrong with me anyway. I'm just pathetic. No one has ever wanted me. They prefer other guys. They just look over me. I am hopeless.
   
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Re: hi again - July 28th 2009, 02:29 PM

Your not hopeless Mitch. Guys look me over all the time to. Im always just the friend or not even that. And I know its hard but when them with your personailty. Somebody will come along in yor life time that likes you for you. You dont have to rush things just let it happen when it happens.


   
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Re: hi again - July 29th 2009, 01:39 AM

how do you know for sure
   
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Re: hi again - July 29th 2009, 02:01 AM

Because everybody has somebody out there for them you just have to find them.


   
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Re: hi again - July 29th 2009, 02:16 AM

Dear Mitch,
=] Hey I'm Sue and I've never had a boyfriend ever, and people are like why not? you're so pretty...and I guess I've been yearning for one ever since I was depressed because I too felt so lonely. I used to stay on the computer for hours trying to find someone close to me so that we could start somthing but I learned through therapy that I was trying to find someone to hide my own loneliness.

It does stink when you're shy and get all butterflies when you're around someone you like, but for someone to really like you is...just being you. =] You don't obviously have to think up what to say, or what you could do to make her happy cuz once she see's the great guy underneath the shyness, it feels almost effortless. Trust me, my whole life I've been known as the shy, quiet girl and that always brought my self esteem down, but I KNOW that i'm great at singing, drawing, laughing, running, and anything I set my mind to......so try not to always put yourself down by being pessimistic because you probably have many true talents. Put them to use =D

So let's see.....maybe you should try to help yourself first before you get into a relationship? cuz you don't want to have a breakup and make u lonelier than before right? What's worked for me during the last few weeks are positive affirmations. =D (sounds cool right? =DDDD) Ok. everymorning or whenever you have the time, think about two reasons why you love yourself...like I go "I love that I can laugh at just about everything." and everyday try to make a new one. This seems stupid , but it works because if someone is letting you down telling you you're not good enough, you will always know what you do best.=]

After I went to an outpatient unit and got the help I needed....I learned that I didn't need a guy to make me feel less lonely..I got my happiness by talking to others and laughing......but I still crave to have my first boyfriend though I know I will eventually bump into the right guy sooner or later. Don't underestimate destiny!! You'll be ok once you feel confident in yourself. You will.


"The best way to cheer yourself up is to try to cheer somebody else up"

Mark Twain
   
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Re: hi again - July 29th 2009, 01:55 PM

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Originally Posted by Memoirs View Post

After I went to an outpatient unit and got the help I needed....I learned that I didn't need a guy to make me feel less lonely..I got my happiness by talking to others and laughing......but I still crave to have my first boyfriend though I know I will eventually bump into the right guy sooner or later. Don't underestimate destiny!! You'll be ok once you feel confident in yourself. You will.
Thank you for the response. Is that all you do to not get upset about it? Laugh and talk to others? and giving yourself positive reinforcement? I dont think that's enough for me. If you dont mind me asking, how old are you?
   
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Re: hi again - July 30th 2009, 01:57 AM

Yeah actually it is....it might sound simple but it works for me =] ( I guess because I havn't laughed so much in ahwhile =]]) It's ok if it doesn't work particularlly for you but there is Always other coping skills than this, just find out what makes you really happy; either it's talking to someone or journaling...everyones different. Sooner or later you will find things that make you less lonely and bring happiness into your life.

Remember, you're not alone. I've felt lonely for along time and I still do at times, but it was my choice to make a change and be like "I will make friends!" and I became more confident in myself just by being who I was. Now people call me Giggles for the fact that I laugh at almost everything I hear. It's great having this characteristic.

Oh, I'm 15 by the way....and my birthday is in October too so it's pretty close by. Sweet Sixteen! lol O I can't wait lol Oh and I like your name by the way.....Mitch. =]

You will get through this phase, because it's only temporary.


"The best way to cheer yourself up is to try to cheer somebody else up"

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Re: hi again - July 30th 2009, 04:21 AM

But, I'm 17. I turn 18 in december. There's a difference. The majority of the population has their first kiss around 14. The average age of losing their virginity is about 16.5. I haven't even gone on a date. i haven't even been liked by anyone. It's not normal. There's no other way you can look at it. I am pathetic. How can you come to any other conclusion.

And it's not really temporary, because this is how Ive felt for years and years. I will continue to feel like this for as long as I live. It is simply not temporary.

And look how few people have responded. The great majority of people have had relationships.

Last edited by lonelyguy; July 30th 2009 at 04:50 AM.
   
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Re: hi again - July 30th 2009, 05:34 AM

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But, I'm 17. I turn 18 in december. There's a difference. The majority of the population has their first kiss around 14. The average age of losing their virginity is about 16.5. I haven't even gone on a date. i haven't even been liked by anyone. It's not normal. There's no other way you can look at it. I am pathetic. How can you come to any other conclusion.

And it's not really temporary, because this is how Ive felt for years and years. I will continue to feel like this for as long as I live. It is simply not temporary.

And look how few people have responded. The great majority of people have had relationships.
Don't worry, you are not the only one. There are many girls who haven't even had a relationship at my age (19) and older.

You probably have been liked by someone but didn't know it. Other people are horribly afraid of relationships, and if you don't appear approachable or interested in them, they will assume that you don't want anything to do with them. They don't know what is going on inside you.

You're fairly normal. You're not in the center of the curve, but that is unimportant (I'm not in the center of the curve either- still a virgin). This idealized version of being "normal" or having great friends and relationship doesn't necessarily exist in reality. It takes work, a ton of work. You're not pathetic either.

Your main problem seems to be your very low self-esteem. You compare yourself to others or how you perceive others to much, and you also want to find happiness through others.

What I recommend is finding ways to improve your self esteem- do research, come to understand it fully. As your self-esteem improves, it will be easier to talk to people and the social anxiety will lessen.



   
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Re: hi again - July 30th 2009, 06:15 AM

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Originally Posted by Dream View Post
Don't worry, you are not the only one. There are many girls who haven't even had a relationship at my age (19) and older.

You probably have been liked by someone but didn't know it. Other people are horribly afraid of relationships, and if you don't appear approachable or interested in them, they will assume that you don't want anything to do with them. They don't know what is going on inside you.
I don't know how to do that. I'd only think of approaching someone who i think likes me.
Quote:
You're fairly normal. You're not in the center of the curve, but that is unimportant (I'm not in the center of the curve either- still a virgin). This idealized version of being "normal" or having great friends and relationship doesn't necessarily exist in reality. It takes work, a ton of work. You're not pathetic either.
Okay. It doesn't make me feel any different reading this. I do not know why. Maybe it's because I see it happen to some people so easily. Maybe that's why I'm upset I don't know. I've been heartbroken so many times and none of them even knew that because they just ignored me all the way along.
Quote:
Your main problem seems to be your very low self-esteem. You compare yourself to others or how you perceive others to much, and you also want to find happiness through others.

What I recommend is finding ways to improve your self esteem- do research, come to understand it fully. As your self-esteem improves, it will be easier to talk to people and the social anxiety will lessen.
my self esteem is very low. i also got a book on low self esteem. i dont know what to do really. i know that when one has low self esteem they will think of everything in the most negative way and will attempt to rationalize it....but i have trouble overcoming my rationalizations. where are the flaws in my rationalizations? the data is most likely correct. my own experiences tell me i am correct. what are the flaws. is it just the interpretation? i dont know. its upsetting me to think about my loneliness anymore
   
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