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As soon as I get the slightest bit better, I get ten times worse - July 28th 2009, 07:11 AM

My bestfriend, who I used to date, has cancer. He has less than three months to live. He absolutely hates my guts. I haven't talking to my boyfriend in a week, except for a brief phone conversation on the phone last night, in which he proceded to tell me while we were broken up he got back with his ex. I reacted to this news by not saying anything. After a few minutes, I said "I love you.. I'm sorry for the way I just acted." and he hung up. He did not call back. He has not tried to contact me in any way. I have no way to get in touch with him. He might be cheating on me, hah. To top off a wonderful two days, my ED is back. I'm obsessed with losing weight.. though I don't do anything about it except starve myself then binge eat when I'm upset again. My newest thing is showing off my clevage, the only thing I like aboout myself. I'm starving. I'm crying so hard I almost throw up. Only good news is I haven't lied more than 15 times today. I'm doing really good with that. I need a friend more than anything. I don't even have the energy to cut myself anymore. I barely have the energy to move.

Love always wins.
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Re: As soon as I get the slightest bit better, I get ten times worse - July 28th 2009, 07:09 PM

im sorry, this alot to deal with.
for your best friend, i think you should let him be his free self
he has alot to deal with and even though you care about him
he needs be happy by himself and live the rest of his life out the
way he wants it.

As for your boyfriend, maybe he wanted you to get angry or something to prove you cared. honestly sounds to me like you need to let him go his serperate way because if he is making you upset he isnt worth anything.
maybe when he gets back you can talk it out.

ed is your way of controling something and when your upset thats your immediate go to. its hard to deal with i know but you need to be healthy what will starving yourself prove to anyone? you dont need to lose weight you are perfect the way you are.
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Re: As soon as I get the slightest bit better, I get ten times worse - July 29th 2009, 01:52 AM

I hate it when life throws us a lot to handle. It always seems to happen like that, doesn't it? But, it's never impossible to pull yourself out of the water. I'm sorry your best friend isn't getting along with you, but if he isn't wanting to talk to you - then there isn't much you can do about that. Sometimes, we need to give people space to deal with their own issues. If you've tried and he still won't respond, then he needs to do his part too. Try to get your mind off of everything by venting or doing something you love. Like I said with your best friend, the same goes with your boyfriend. He apologized and if he isn't ready to accept it yet, then he doesn't have to. You can't force him or do anything more - be patient and wait this out. It's a two way relationship.

In life, you'll never be happy until you accept yourself. That goes for who you are and your body as well. We need to learn that we're all unique and born beautiful. We're beautiful to ourselves once we accept how we are. I'm all for being healthy though. If you're trying to get healthy - eating regular normal healthy meals would be good. You'd feel better too. You won't worry about the weight because you're eating healthy and then you don't need to put yourself down for binging. Also, if you wanted to vent your emotions through working out, that can help too. It helps me a lot. So long as you keep healthy in your mind.

I realize that the not lying thing seems to be small, but I think it's huge. Keep pointing out the good things. Keep motivating yourself to get better and be happy. Without motivation - we can't get anywhere. You can do this and it only needs to be done one little step at a time. :] If you need anyone or anything, PM me. Take care of yourself. You can do this.

Have hope,

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Baby stand tall. You can have it all.

Don't you worry your pretty little mind, people throw rocks at things that shine..
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