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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Imaginary Offline
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I'm a little coward, lost in doubt. - July 30th 2009, 08:23 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering by the original poster or by a Moderator. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

I really want to do it because I'm too much of a craven to change my situation. I hate my mother; she makes me hate myself. I'm a freak, according to her. She's embarrassed to be seen with me. Ha ha ha ha! I could kill her, but I'm not smart enough, and I don't enjoy living anyway. I really want to be dead. You know, right this second, I could kill myself, and know one would no until it was too late. Ha ha ha ha ha!

All the people to whom I've promised not to kill myself don't seem to want to be my friend anymore, not that I really care to be honest. They can die too. Haaaahhh.... I'm supposed to be dead soon anyway, it really doesn't make a difference. Life is short, do what you want with it. Well, all I really want to do is end it!

I'm not made to be here! My friends keep pressuring me to do something I don't want to do; I want to die! Why can't I just kill myself?


myspace.com/lonesome_fish for poetry. I like feedback sometimes. And I like smiley faces .

Last edited by noise94; August 1st 2009 at 05:45 PM. Reason: Trigger warning.
   
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
Raptor Offline
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Re: I'm a little coward, lost in doubt. Here is my pistol, here is my mouth... - July 30th 2009, 08:33 PM

Don't be too much of a craven to change your situation.
No one ever said life would be easy or fair, but you can help yourself and work for a better life.

The satisfaction that comes with beating depression is worth more than you can imagine.

If you hate your mother, move out. Friends/family/hostels.
Talk to someone, a doctor, a teacher, a friend.
Change your situation, and walk away from the depression.
You can beat thoughts of suicide - a permanat situation to a temporary problem.

Your life is worth living.
Anyone here will tell you that.
We're here, ready to help you.

Raptor.


I'm making sense of shattered dreams
I want you to be proud of me.

Freedom can be frightning if you've never felt it.

Member since 2006.
Recovering self harmer - Last SH 24/08/09
   
  (#3 (permalink)) Old
Imaginary Offline
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Re: I'm a little coward, lost in doubt. Here is my pistol, here is my mouth... - July 30th 2009, 08:44 PM

I have no friends. I am a freak, the only persun who doesn't think that is me. I really hate myself, usually whenever I think of my mother. She makes me want to kill myself. I pray for her death. I pray she dies. I hope her illness gets worse and she leaves me alone. Survival, eh? If her dying helps me live, then fuck it, it's nature. But like I said, I'm not smart enough.

And I can't move in with anyone. I hate this place we moved to. I just want to be alone and die. That's all. I don't want money, or fame, or power, or love. I just want to die. Is that too much to ask? It's not the whole "pain" thing, I really want to be dead. Truly, no one cares if I die. This is over the internet, it doesn't matter what happens here. No one can truly care. And I don't think anyone can truly care in real life either. Empathy? That's just a survival trait. We've become empathetic so we don't kill each other and destroy the species. There, now it's completly meaningless. No more important than running fast or how well you can kill a dear with your teeth. Fucking useless.

So the only one that really cares about me is me, but seeing as I don't really care about myself, this whole thing is a bunch of bullshit. There's no point in me living. I don't care about myself, so I can't live for my own amusement. And I don't care about others, so why the fuck would I want to help them?

Anyway, just wrapping this up. I don't even know why I'm posting this. Because I wish I weren't a coward?


myspace.com/lonesome_fish for poetry. I like feedback sometimes. And I like smiley faces .
   
  (#4 (permalink)) Old
Raptor Offline
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Re: I'm a little coward, lost in doubt. Here is my pistol, here is my mouth... - July 30th 2009, 09:08 PM

Let's look at this logically, right?
There is always an answer.

If you're hungry, you eat, if there's no food, you make do with bugs and stuff.
If you're lonley, you make a friend, if there's no people, you can come online to a site like this.
If you're depressed, you get help. If you think there's no one who can help, you keep looking.

I've been there with the self hate, as have a lot of people. It gets you no where. If you're so convinced that everyone else hates you, make a stand, be different, find a beliefe in YOURSELF.

There are always places for you to go. If not a family members' then try a shelter or a support group for young adults.

There is no hope, nor freedom in death.
People can truly care. This may be the internet, but so what.
I've made a great friend via here, we've both been through some incredible dark times, but you know what? We're still here. I've never met him, but we both care for each other and we both know that.

Phone a helpline.
Do something constructive.
Make a change for youself.

I refuse to believe that you're just going to give up. FIGHT for you life. Fight for yourself. Fight for your own happiness.
Giving up is not ever the answer.

R!


I'm making sense of shattered dreams
I want you to be proud of me.

Freedom can be frightning if you've never felt it.

Member since 2006.
Recovering self harmer - Last SH 24/08/09
   
  (#5 (permalink)) Old
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Re: I'm a little coward, lost in doubt. Here is my pistol, here is my mouth... - July 31st 2009, 12:32 AM

i care about you (:


When you can't find your way home,
and when life gets too hard to face on your own.
I will stand as a light through the darkness unknown,
I will walk with you, so you're never alone.
   
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Re: I'm a little coward, lost in doubt. Here is my pistol, here is my mouth... - July 31st 2009, 12:38 AM

Even if it seems like there is no one that cares about you there are tons! Everyone here on teenhelp cares and I'm sure if you talk to all your friends you will find out that some really do care about you! We are here for you and just hang in there. Help is out there all you have to do is look.


Whatever it is, chances are I've been there.
If I can make it out, you can too.
   
  (#7 (permalink)) Old
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Re: I'm a little coward, lost in doubt. Here is my pistol, here is my mouth... - July 31st 2009, 03:13 AM

Here's one reason you shouldn't kill yourself; YOU OWE YOURSELF THAT.
You owe YOURSELF a chance on life.
Give it a few years after you move out from your mom, and you get a good job and fun coworkers and new friends. You simply have to give living a chance.
You're way to young to decide that things are never going to get better.
*hug* we all want you to be happy here, and we all care about you whether we know you personally or not. We'd hate for you to die, and we'd hate for you to even try cause we want you to be happy.
You're ALWAYS free to come on here and vent and rant and get help for problems no matter what they are.



Take me seriously.
I dare you.



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  (#8 (permalink)) Old
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Re: I'm a little coward, lost in doubt. Here is my pistol, here is my mouth... - July 31st 2009, 05:29 AM

I'm not afraid of death. Maybe I should kill myself if only to be true to who I am. Life is not enjoyable, so I deserve to endure it? To be punished? I'm supposed to learn something about earth I guess. I keep seeing myself dying.

I want to die to be who I am. I'm not I'm a fake I'm a fraud I deserve to be boiled. LIarS! THe Lot OF E"M!


myspace.com/lonesome_fish for poetry. I like feedback sometimes. And I like smiley faces .
   
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Re: I'm a little coward, lost in doubt. Here is my pistol, here is my mouth... - August 1st 2009, 02:28 PM

You're not afriad of death, OK that's fine, but try to not be afraid of living.
Life isn't a punishment, life is a challenge. Make it a good one for yourself.
Oversome those demons and get living.
R!


I'm making sense of shattered dreams
I want you to be proud of me.

Freedom can be frightning if you've never felt it.

Member since 2006.
Recovering self harmer - Last SH 24/08/09
   
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