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sweetve19 Offline
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Name: Veronica
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im doomed to be trouble. - August 2nd 2009, 07:34 AM

i have thoughs depressive days. which come almost everyday of the year.

but lately ive just wanted power.
im power hungry and want to control minds.
so that everyone who hurt me is defenseless.

i want people to fear me, because i like the feeling more then love itself.

i use people to conduct my own study of the human brain.

its like ive replaced my feelings with a based-on-logic mind.

when im hurt i think why and how to control the feeling.
when im happy i think why and how to control the feeling.

ive started to control things rather then let them be.

idk what to do...i feel emotionless, lifeless.
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Ngikhona Offline
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Re: im doomed to be trouble. - August 11th 2009, 07:01 AM

Everyone wants control over things, and it's not always a bad thing. I think it's fun to do things to see how people react because the human mind just interests me. This may seem like a really weird thing to say-- but maybe reading a book on psychology and how people's minds work would be of benefit to you. I don't think I'll be able to explain why very well, but maybe you'll catch my drift.

You said:
i use people to conduct my own study of the human brain.

its like ive replaced my feelings with a based-on-logic mind.

when im hurt i think why and how to control the feeling.
when im happy i think why and how to control the feeling.
I think if you understood the logic of the mind it would almost be like a weird reverse psychology thing for your head. Anyways, I can't explain it very well, but I suggest you do it because in my head it seems like maybe it would be good.

There are some things I've noticed about you that are already a good sign that you can get away from these lifeless and power-hungry feelings. One is that you realize that you feel lifeless and power-hungry. It may sound silly, but you have to accept something to be able to get past it or fix it. Another thing that's good is that you are thinking about your feelings. A thing that a lot of psychologists do is they ask patients to keep a journal that state: an emotion they're feeling, why they think they're feeling it, and what they did in response to that emotion. There's nothing wrong with thinking about why you're feeling something, it's a good thing.

You can also control your emotions in a good way. If you're upset, you can use your control to talk to people. If you're happy you can control that by trying to not control it as ridiculous as that sounds.

If you continue having days like this where you feel depressed, emotionless, and lifeless constantly then I do suggest you try to get a professional to help and try to find a really good support system. If there aren't any friends you feel ready to talk to about this then there's always people here willing to help. If you decide you want to see a professional and want help finding someone you can message me, or if you need anything else you can message me as well.


"Love me for me, accept the fact I'm true, live like I want, fufill my dreams,
Dream of me, run out free, capture your words and never let them go."

I'll see you on the other side.
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lacrotix Offline
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Re: im doomed to be trouble. - August 13th 2009, 11:47 PM

I understand where you are coming from. Many things have happened along the way and now you want the power to stop it from happening. You want people to think twice about what they do to you - that's why you want them in fear. In my opinion, there's nothing wrong with desires. Just make sure they are in check.

Now, when and if you get this power, make sure you don't use it to hurt others. I have heard countless stories where people with power use it fairly at first, until they become corrupt.

Now you say you are interested in the human mind. I find nothing wrong with it, but make sure your studies are ethical. Don't bully people or the like on purpose to see their reaction for the sake of science...Instead grab a book on such matters. Sometimes, some actions aren't worth doing for the sake of gaining knowledge. You stain your hands when you cross the line.

I know where you are coming from when you say you try to control your emotions. That's good, but I think you should leave the happiness to be. I control my sadness so others don't harass me about it; I somewhat control my happiness so I won't get too disappointed later on. But I find it more rewarding to let the good times be.

As for the depression, there are many ways to deal with it. I prefer exercise. Jogging for me gives fresh air, Vitamin D from the sun, and distracts my mind from the world. I just take in the trees and the parks and I feel at ease. It might be me, but I believe exercise will make you healthier to the point where one burden or another can be lifted off your shoulders.

You can also try what the last person said about doctors and friends. And there is always here at TeenHelp to talk to too.

Honestly, you are not doomed to be trouble or lifeless. You have just hit a rough patch in life and are trying to find your way through. Hang in there, and I wish you the best of luck.
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