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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Hope...A pretty Fairytale
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The depression is overwhelming.... - August 3rd 2009, 12:54 AM

No one is listening, when I ask them to please listen to what I need to say... Does no one care, that inside I'm dying?


Someone save me from myself...
   
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
CherriesBlossom Offline
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Re: The depression is overwhelming.... - August 3rd 2009, 12:59 AM

i care sweetie and im always here to listen
talk to me, tell me whats going on right now?
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  (#3 (permalink)) Old
Hope...A pretty Fairytale
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Re: The depression is overwhelming.... - August 3rd 2009, 01:12 AM

I've always moved a lot, b/c of my dad's job. and I recently moved from NY and left behind my friends, my dog, and my life. I'e lived where I am now for over a year and my friends and i have grown apart. It hurts.

I'm always the odd girl, the girl who makes straight A's, skipped a grade, the girl who's friends were older than her and listens to talk radio and reads the classics. Don't think I'm complaining about liking what I like, it's just there's no one who is like me.

I'm getting ready to go back to school and now I'm afraid I'll not find anyone who'll like at least some of the things I do.

I'm so insecure about myself. I hate looking in the mirror and seeing my reflection. I'm not pretty and so many people have told me so.

I hide behind a mask of iron and people don't really know the real me until I let them in. I've shut out my parents because the daughter they want, doesn't exist. I've tried reaching out, but each time I do I get hurt.

I was a self harmer 2 years ago, because my depression was untreated. It's treated now, but now...my meds aren't always working.

I am not always a people person, I like to be alone, and people think I'm pissed off when I'm quiet. They don't understand that I'm quiet because I'm afraid of whats going to come out. I tend to speak first think later and I've had my ass seriously whipped for it.

I'm so lonely and so tired of being so tired and angry all the time. I'm so tired of wanting to die every time I fall asleep. I just can't take it anymore... It hurts so much.


Someone save me from myself...
   
  (#4 (permalink)) Old
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Re: The depression is overwhelming.... - August 3rd 2009, 01:19 AM

wow moving around can be hard!
im sorry you had to leave alot behind.

but now that you are in this situation and cant change it, take it as an opportunity.
meet new people and make new friends, see what kind of new things you can explore
and new goals you can reach.

you are so pretty, both inside and out. just because some people tell you something doesnt mean its true.

you should talk to your parents calmly and tell them you cant be what they expect you to be but your going to be the best person you can be and that should be good enough for them simply because it will make you happy.

sometimes it hard to fit in with other people, so try being friendly and just yourself. people will come around.
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  (#5 (permalink)) Old
Katrina Offline
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Re: The depression is overwhelming.... - August 3rd 2009, 02:32 AM

[Warning: I seem to be in a rambling mood tonight]. I'm going to reply to this section by section - I feel as though I'll be more genuinely focused on what you're saying rather than just reading it for the words. I hope that this is okay.

Quote:
Originally Posted by (Insert Name Here) View Post
I've always moved a lot, b/c of my dad's job. and I recently moved from NY and left behind my friends, my dog, and my life. I'e lived where I am now for over a year and my friends and i have grown apart. It hurts.
Ahh, moving. See, I haven't ever really moved schools or anything, but I have had two very good friends to move away at different times in my life. When they moved, I was very upset for awhile. Eventually, though, I just began to move on with my life and started becoming closer to my other friends. I know this sounds horrible, but I suppose it's just how the cookie crumbles. As they saying goes, "Make new friends, but don't forget the old ones." Your life in New York sounds truly brilliant, Katelin, but I can also see from that that you do seem to be able to make friends and everything, so I know you're going to be able to do this at your new home as well.

It's definitely going to take time to get used to this new place, but know that typically, once people get to high school, they change "best friends" a few times before they really settle on a few people who they feel as life long friends. So, I don't know, maybe that's something to think about as well; maybe you haven't even met the girl who's going to be the maid of honor at your wedding. [: Give it a chance!

If all else fails, we both know that your old friends are only a phone call or a text message or even an IM away - I'm sure they'd be totally pleased to hear from you, Katelin. I know that they're missing you just as much as you're missing them.

I realize that you said that you'd lived in your current place of living for over a year, but sometimes it takes a long time like that. Just try not to give up on it, or I know you won't really be pleased with how things are going. Try to keep hanging in there; you never know what this upcoming school year might bring!

Quote:
I'm always the odd girl, the girl who makes straight A's, skipped a grade, the girl who's friends were older than her and listens to talk radio and reads the classics. Don't think I'm complaining about liking what I like, it's just there's no one who is like me.
You sound pretty awesome, I'm not going to lie. Those who mind your quirks don't matter, and those who matter won't mind your quirks! Seriously, ignore anyone who doesn't love you for who YOU are; they aren't worth your time in the first place. [:

The thing is, there are people who share your interests, Katelin - it just seems as though it's a bit tough for you to find them right now. Have you ever considered joining a book club or a team of any sort that you have an interest in? I definitely think this would do you a world of good. You'd be able to meet people who would be there because they also liked whatever it was, and of course, as an added bonus, there'd be little to no awkward silences - you guys would always have conversation to fall back on. Give it a try, Katelin.


Quote:
I'm so insecure about myself. I hate looking in the mirror and seeing my reflection. I'm not pretty and so many people have told me so.
This really makes me want to go on my soapbox about how beauty truly is on the inside, and how it's also in the eye of the beholder. Honestly, though, I'm sure you've heard that a million times. You sound as though you have a beautiful heart, though, Katelin, and I know that there's someone [or more likely, many someones] who find[s] you beautiful both inside and out.

A few months ago, I think my sister was having some self esteem issues of her own [she's thirteen; she'll be fourteen in October]. We share a bathroom, and I decided to be lame and write "You are beautiful. [:" on our bathroom mirror in dry erase marker. I don't know what happened, but I honestly think that seeing this message every day as she looked in the mirror helped her; perhaps you might think about doing something similar?

Quote:
I hide behind a mask of iron and people don't really know the real me until I let them in. I've shut out my parents because the daughter they want, doesn't exist. I've tried reaching out, but each time I do I get hurt.
You don't have to hide, Katelin. It's so emotionally exhausting to put up a mask each day and to have so much weighing on your shoulders each night when you fall asleep. You have a great start on the right track by reaching out to us on TH, here. I swear to you that you are important to each one of us and that your story does matter here.

Please reach out to someone in real life, though. Do you have any other close family members [I'm thinking aunts, uncles, grandparents?], or teachers, or even trusted friends that you feel you might be able to reach out to? You don't deserve to be feeling so low.

Quote:
I was a self harmer 2 years ago, because my depression was untreated. It's treated now, but now...my meds aren't always working.
If your medication isn't working, you need to let the person who prescribed you with this medication know. Of course every kind of medication isn't going to work for every person just because everyone has such a different disposition, both mentally and physically, but that doesn't mean that the therapist/psychiatrist/doctor can't try to find something that you feel truly helps you.

As for the self harm, self harm is definitely a hard addiction to climb out of. With that said, though, you sound like a very strong person, and I do think that you can do it, Katelin! Have you seen our Alternatives thread? Alternatives are basically what they sound like - things to do rather than self harm. The reason I like the TH list is because it's organized into different ways that one might be feeling. So, if one day, for example, you were feeling sad/lonely, there's a list of things that might help you to feel more in touch with the world. On another day, if you were feeling angry, there's a list of things that are more focused on anger management techniques and whatnot. If you want to check out the list, it can be found here.

Quote:
I am not always a people person, I like to be alone, and people think I'm pissed off when I'm quiet. They don't understand that I'm quiet because I'm afraid of whats going to come out. I tend to speak first think later and I've had my ass seriously whipped for it.
It's okay to be like this. To some extent, I think that we all get in moods or funks when we don't feel like talking to people. It's totally normal, and if people think that you're angry when you're quiet, they need to reevaluate their thoughts! Everyone gets like this, seriously..

I honestly don't know what to tell you about speaking first and thinking later, but I can tell you that I've done this a fair amount of times. I'd call them mistakes, sure, but I can also tell you that if you learn from them, that's what counts. So, I don't know, Katelin - I guess all I could say here is just try to learn from what you say so that it won't happen again, right?

Quote:
I'm so lonely and so tired of being so tired and angry all the time. I'm so tired of wanting to die every time I fall asleep. I just can't take it anymore... It hurts so much.
I'm sorry. ]: I know I'm occasionally a little light hearted in my replies, but I really do care and hope that you get to be feeling better very soon. If you ever want to talk, I'm only an IM away - I'm on MSN pretty often, and I'd love to hear from you. Best of luck in everything. You're a beautiful person. (:



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  (#6 (permalink)) Old
savealife723 Offline
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Re: The depression is overwhelming.... - August 4th 2009, 03:19 AM

i care. [=


When you can't find your way home,
and when life gets too hard to face on your own.
I will stand as a light through the darkness unknown,
I will walk with you, so you're never alone.
   
  (#7 (permalink)) Old
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Re: The depression is overwhelming.... - August 4th 2009, 03:52 AM

Hi Katelin,

about what Kayla said, ditto I care, too.

I'm sorry that you've been going through a rough time. Becoming distanced from friends is really hard. Is there anything like a club or other activity at your school or in your town that you could look into doing? Sometimes that helps with making new friends. And liking to be alone a lot of the time is perfectly okay, too. It's possible to have friends and still be somewhat reclusive. Liking to be alone and being a grouchy hermit aren't necessarily the same thing

I'm sorry that you don't feel like there's anyone there to relate to, though. If I could, I'd definitely introduce you to some of my friends - we are also the straight-A-educational-access-listeners-classic-readers. But I'm sure that there will be people at your school who'll be those, too

I was also someone who had an iron lock over her mouth for much too long. It's okay to let things out. Rambling, ranting, crying, exploding, or just talking quietly with someone is okay. While you've been incredibly strong, not talking about what's going on, for so long, it's a strength to reach out, too. Is there anyone like a counselor you could talk to? That might also be helpful in sorting out what might be the best medication approach for you.

Hang in there, sweetie. Feel free to PM me anytime


Drown in the music,
dance in the rain,
block out the thunder,
and let the scars fade.
   
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