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cliquemenot Offline
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Name: Jennifer
Age: 26
Gender: Female
Location: Richmond, VA

Posts: 4
Join Date: August 3rd 2009

I feel like everything is just falling apart. - August 3rd 2009, 02:04 AM

Hey. Erm, this is my first post [besides my intro] on this site, so I'm a little embarrassed. But, here goes.

I've been getting really angry for the past couple of years and I've always just thought "So this is puberty." But just a few months ago, all of my anger and sadness has just exploded. I'm terrified because now, my whole mindset on life has gone down the tube. I'm hating everyone around me, but the scariest part is: I hate myself. I can no longer list all the great things I thought about myself or just be happy for a long period of time.

When I started getting these feelings, I just put on a happy face and pretended everything was okay, only to cry myself to sleep that night. I have tried talking to my family [parents, sister] about it, but it just feels like they're not even trying to understand what I'm going through. I begged [seriously] my dad to send me to therapy and he said he would talk with our insurance to see what our options were. But, of course, he didn't do that. My mom just basically laughed at me when I had a melt down and begged for about twenty minutes for someone to find me a therapist.

A while ago, my mom finally asked what was wrong with me. But I just can't talk to her anymore. Everything I do is a mistake in her eyes. Getting B's and one C on my final report card pissed her off, even though I was just grateful that I passed science with that C.

I dunno what to do and my suicidal thoughts have been coming back more and more. I'd really appreciate it if someone could just... help.
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jinxed angel Offline
Helplessy Hopeless
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Name: Siera
Age: 26
Gender: Female
Location: Nowhere you want to be...NY, USA

Posts: 234
Join Date: January 7th 2009

Re: I feel like everything is just falling apart. - August 3rd 2009, 02:53 AM

Hi Jennifer, I'm glad you posted this. And you trying to seek help for your problems from your family was really brave. I also tried to seek help from my family and it also didn't work. Next you can try talking to someone in social services, or try to talk to a counsler, maybe one from school if they are able to be contacted during the summer, or another adult you trust, a neighbor, aunt, uncle, grandparent, or a doctor, by going to a local health center and try to fins a way to get help through them.

Another thing is when you think bad things about yourself, keep telling yourself the good things, the things you know that are good about you deep down. When you get suicidal thoughts you should try calling either 1-800-SUICIDE (1-800-784-2433) or 1-800-273-TALK (1-800-273-8255)

I'm so tired of pretending everything's okay, my tears are starting to show and my smile is fading away.
PM or VM me if you need me, I'm here if you need someone to talk to or to just listen. I also have most messangers if you want to talk on one of those.

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dancer Offline
love, anonymous
I've been here a while
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Age: 29
Gender: Female

Posts: 1,234
Join Date: March 25th 2009

Re: I feel like everything is just falling apart. - August 3rd 2009, 05:57 AM

Hey Jennifer,

I definitely second everything that Siera said. I'm really proud of you for posting and trying to get help; I know how daunting that can be.

It's great that you've been trying to go to your parents for help, but I'm sorry that they haven't been so helpful. I ran into the same thing, where I had to beg to see a therapist. Sometimes reminding your parents that you're trying to do what's best for you, and as your parents, you need their help in taking care of yourself. They're parents; that's what they're supposed to do.

Hotlines are definitely helpful, and until you're able to get to a therapist can provide a chance to work through things. I personally like Hopeline, 1-800-442-HOPE.

Hang in there. Feel free to PM me anytime if you'd ever like to talk about anything

Drown in the music,
dance in the rain,
block out the thunder,
and let the scars fade.
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