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Healing_Me Offline
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Name: Becka
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doesnt seem like theres a future - August 8th 2009, 03:13 AM

i'm going to college in three weeks and im scared. i've been with my boyfriend for over a year and im still not secure in our relationship. I just slept over his cousin's house with him at a family party and yet i'm still worried he's going to cheat on me. i want to break up with him now so i won't have to worry about or possibly deal with it later. i shouldnt be worried...he's given me no reason to be, i mean we're engaged. idk. college college....used to be excited but not anymore. when i think of my future i see nothing. i can't see myself ever becoming or meaning anything to anyone. all i can see is myself with a gun and pulling the trigger..bang the bitch is dead..i barely got a summer vacation, i've been working all fucking summer and this is the first week i don't have to work. im so fucking depressed. my bf was tired and didnt really want to talk though i wouldve liked to talk to him about some of this..he asked if i was fine and i said yea..cuz he was tired. we have this thing between us...usually one asks the other a question, says promise if the answer is questionable, the if still in question says swear to god..not that either of us is very religous, it just made sort of a breaking point in lieing..where we felt we couldnt lie. and he asked if i promised and then swore to god..and i didnt say anything. unlike his usual response he didnt press it and just said ok i believe you goodnight. but idk why he seemed so distant and uncaring. im probably just being melodramatic. idk. all i know is that there is so much going through my head right now and i just wish i had my fucking knife so i could have a clear head for a least a little bit.
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dancer Offline
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Re: doesnt seem like theres a future - August 8th 2009, 04:00 AM

Hi Becka,

I'm sorry that you're going through a rough time right now. I think that college, even when though it is exciting, is still just stressful in general all by itself. Add life and things can understandably feel overwhelming.

But thankfully not impossible to deal with. Sometimes when we're freaking out it's helpful to listen to our own words - you mentioned that you don't really have a reason to be worried. Sometimes it can be a good thing to slow down and take a deep breath and remind yourself that nothing bad has actually happened yet. A lot of times people act distant when they're really just preoccupied, or are even worried about tiring out the other person. It might be helpful to try to talk to your boyfriend about how you've felt that he's been a bit distant lately, and you were just wondering if anything was going on with him?

Also, relationships can definitely make it through college. I have a friend who goes to a different school than her boyfriend, but they've found a way to keep in contact that works for them (letter writing) and have a really great relationship.

Please don't hurt yourself. At all. You deserve to take care of yourself, and in the end hurting yourself doesn't really solve anything. Having a cup of tea or taking a nap or listening to music or other things like that can also help clear your head.

Hang in there. Things'll be okay


Drown in the music,
dance in the rain,
block out the thunder,
and let the scars fade.
   
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