TeenHelp
Support Forums Today's Posts

Get Advice Connect with TeenHelp Resources
HelpLINK Facebook     Twitter     Tumblr     Instagram    Hotlines    Safety Zone    Alternatives

You are not registered or have not logged in

Hello guest! (Not a guest? Log in above!)

As a guest on TeenHelp you are only able to use some of our site's features. By registering an account you will be able to enjoy unlimited access to our site, and will be able to:

  • Connect with thousands of teenagers worldwide by actively taking part in our Support Forums and Chat Room.
  • Find others with similar interests in our Social Groups.
  • Express yourself through our Blogs, Picture Albums and User Profiles.
  • And much much more!

Signing up is free, anonymous and will only take a few moments, so click here to register now!


Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

Closed Thread
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread
  (#1 (permalink)) Old
UnknownLife Offline
Member
Not a n00b
**
 
UnknownLife's Avatar
 
Name: Kris
Age: 29
Gender: Male
Location: Florida

Posts: 96
Join Date: January 6th 2009

Raining Again... - August 8th 2009, 06:02 AM

God I'm so tired of being used and hurt. The real sad thing is is that I let it happen. Things are dragging me down so much. I really thought I was doing better but now I'm not. No matter what I do I am NEVER good enough for anyone...especially my girlfriend and my dad. I swear I will NEVER dig myself out of this hole. I'm about to say fuck it again and this time not let someone stop me
   
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
.:Bibliophile:. Online
PM me anytime!

TeenHelp Veteran
*************
 
.:Bibliophile:.'s Avatar
 
Gender: Just me

Posts: 16,324
Blog Entries: 1722
Join Date: January 18th 2009

Re: Raining Again... - August 8th 2009, 06:17 AM

Hey Kris,

I am sorry you are feeling this way but please don't give up. I know how complicated things can be but they do get better.

Why do you think you are never good enough? I know sometimes we feel this way and we think that other people feel this way too but in the end the people think we a just enough. Is there any way you could talk to your dad and girlfriend about the way you are feeling and get their views/thoughts; you really might be surprised by what they have to say.

Kris, I was wondering if you have anyone you can talk to like a therapist? They can be really helpful and in the end it feels good to have someone to talk to on a more regular basis; what do you think?

Please hang in there and I hope this helped. If you ever need someone to talk to feel free to pm me.

~Jenna~


|Lead Moderator|Newsletter Officer|
   
  (#3 (permalink)) Old
SimplyComplex Offline
SimplyComplex :)
I've been here a while
********
 
SimplyComplex's Avatar
 
Name: Melissa
Age: 26
Gender: Female
Location: Canadaland

Posts: 1,316
Blog Entries: 1
Join Date: January 5th 2009

Re: Raining Again... - August 10th 2009, 12:28 AM

Kris,

I know how horrible it is to be used and feel hurt. Even more so, I know how horrible it is to realize you're letting yourself be treated that way. But even so, it happens to the best of us. Sometimes we're so caught up in people wanting us or something good we think we're getting that we ignore the truth behind a scenario. The important thing to remember here is that if you're letting this happen, you can also give yourself the power to stop it from happening.

I know you seem to be doing a little worse right now, but it doesn't need to last forever. It can always get better and sometimes it's when you least expect it. You need to keep trying though or you're right, it won't ever get better. Things don't get better when we stop trying. But they have a chance if we push forward. Don't doubt your strength. You've done it before and you can do it again. As for not being good enough for anyone, I know what it's like to want to please everyone. Especially people you care about most. But you also need to care about yourself and understand that you can't please everyone. Sometimes it hurts to admit that but it's the truth and once you stop trying to make other people happy with your choices, you'll be able to get yourself happier with your own choices. Do things to improve your life, not make other people happy with you. Accepting yourself leads to others accepting you too. :] If you need anything at all, PM me anytime. Take care of yourself.

Have hope,
-Melissa


01 // 10 // 11

Baby stand tall. You can have it all.

Don't you worry your pretty little mind, people throw rocks at things that shine..
   
  (#4 (permalink)) Old
dancer Offline
love, anonymous
I've been here a while
********
 
dancer's Avatar
 
Age: 28
Gender: Female

Posts: 1,234
Join Date: March 25th 2009

Re: Raining Again... - August 11th 2009, 03:51 AM

Hey Kris,

*hugs*

I'm so sorry that you're hurting so much right now. It's not fair, and you have reason to be mad that you've been used and hurt. But it's not your fault. It's typically a bit more complicated than just "letting" other people treat us in a way we know we shouldn't be, so don't beat yourself up for it. If you recognize how you've been doing that, than this is just a chance for you to change that, and to start sticking up for yourself. Because you do deserve to care about yourself, whether its in the face of other people's actions or in the face of your own frustration.

Hang in there, Kris. PM me anytime.


Drown in the music,
dance in the rain,
block out the thunder,
and let the scars fade.
   
  (#5 (permalink)) Old
UnknownLife Offline
Member
Not a n00b
**
 
UnknownLife's Avatar
 
Name: Kris
Age: 29
Gender: Male
Location: Florida

Posts: 96
Join Date: January 6th 2009

Re: Raining Again... - August 12th 2009, 06:17 AM

Just fuck it. The last little bit of my want to live is dying. Seriously I can't take this anymore. I'm around guns 24/7 for my work and since I live there now that pull to grab one is ever present. God I wish I could just die. I'm nothing. No one. I don't deserve to live. I don't deserve better
   
  (#6 (permalink)) Old
dancer Offline
love, anonymous
I've been here a while
********
 
dancer's Avatar
 
Age: 28
Gender: Female

Posts: 1,234
Join Date: March 25th 2009

Re: Raining Again... - August 12th 2009, 06:20 AM

Hey Kris,

you are most definitely not nothing. You are not no one. You do deserve to live, and you do deserve to get better. From talking to you, you seem like a really awesome person, and you matter a whole bunch. And hey, at the least, you matter to me.

Anything going on that you want to talk about, or just feeling down?

Hang in there.


Drown in the music,
dance in the rain,
block out the thunder,
and let the scars fade.
   
  (#7 (permalink)) Old
UnknownLife Offline
Member
Not a n00b
**
 
UnknownLife's Avatar
 
Name: Kris
Age: 29
Gender: Male
Location: Florida

Posts: 96
Join Date: January 6th 2009

Re: Raining Again... - August 12th 2009, 06:31 AM

I got fucking cheated on AGAIN. I live alone in the middle of fucking nowhere 2 hours away from any friends.I still feel sick all the time. I shouldn't have stopped when he came in during my last attempt. I should have done it then.

You probably wouldn't think that if you knew me in person. There must be some reason every single person devalues me so bad. It must be because I'm nothing
   
  (#8 (permalink)) Old
dancer Offline
love, anonymous
I've been here a while
********
 
dancer's Avatar
 
Age: 28
Gender: Female

Posts: 1,234
Join Date: March 25th 2009

Re: Raining Again... - August 12th 2009, 06:38 AM

I'm so sorry that you got cheated on again. Whoever would cheat on you needs their brain checked.

Is there anyway you could invite friends over for a bit of an extended stay, like a few days or something, like a weekend or labor day? Or... could you try meeting them in the middle, even if the only thing you can do is just talk?

Is there anything going on that might be dragging on feeling sick? I know before you had mentioned some of the medical stuff that you're dealing with - how's that going? And sometimes, naps I hear help a whole lot with various types of feeling-ickiness.

Well, I know you how I know you, and I think that you're a cool person. And I've found that it's actually typically the nicer people, the people who aren't jerks or whatever who end up being devalued and used, because it's easier, rather than the people who would actually seem to rub others the wrong way for some reason. So no, you're definitely not nothing. You're an important something. Without you, there'd be a you-shaped whole in the world that nobody else could ever fill.

Please don't hurt yourself. You're cared about, a lot, and you can get through this. Have you tried talking to your doctor recently about how you've been feeling? Doing that might help a bunch, or he/she might at least be able to help think of some ideas to help get things under control and feeling manageable.


Drown in the music,
dance in the rain,
block out the thunder,
and let the scars fade.
   
  (#9 (permalink)) Old
UnknownLife Offline
Member
Not a n00b
**
 
UnknownLife's Avatar
 
Name: Kris
Age: 29
Gender: Male
Location: Florida

Posts: 96
Join Date: January 6th 2009

Re: Raining Again... - August 12th 2009, 06:53 AM

Like I said I deserve it. She deserves better.

Ha none of my "friends" actually give a shit enough to come out here just to hang with me. Besides I work over 12 hours a day now. I don't have the time for something like that.

Yea that's what's causing me to feel like this. I have to get injected with some kind of radiation and it keeps me feeling like this.

I just wish it would stop. But it never does. Nice guys really do finish last

Not gonna make any promises. I still don't feel worthy of the life I live. Yea no one would fit in my void, they'd be overfilling it with life I never had
   
  (#10 (permalink)) Old
dancer Offline
love, anonymous
I've been here a while
********
 
dancer's Avatar
 
Age: 28
Gender: Female

Posts: 1,234
Join Date: March 25th 2009

Re: Raining Again... - August 12th 2009, 07:04 AM

Actually, I'm thinking you're the one who deserves better. If she's decided that you're not "the one" for her, then fine. But that doesn't have anything to do with you, and she should have the decency to handle it directly and honestly. You deserve to be treated with respect.

Anyway you could look into making some new friends? And wow, I'm sorry that you're working so much when you don't feel well - do try to take some time in your day, even if it's just fifteen minutes or something, to do something just for you. Five extra minutes in the shower, going for a walk, listening to music, making a sandwich, whatever.

Mmm, yeah, people I know have gone through that, and it can be rough. Is there anyway you could talk to your doctor about ways to cope with side-effects of the radiation therapy?

Kris, you are worthy of your life. And people are born worthy. The fact that their life is theirs makes them worthy of it. Life is something you don't have to actually do something to merit. You're just born deserving it. Yeah, it does seem a lot like "nice people finish last." But I think that really, in the end that is only a "seem." Nice people leave the world a bit more pulled-together in their wake; those who go through without recognizing consequence leave the world more tangled because of their own grappling to "fulfill" themselves and avoid their insecurities by focusing only on themselves.

But anyway, you're a nice guy. So you should be proud of that. I'm really sorry that the people in your life right now aren't being properly admiring of that. But eventually, that situation will change - new people tend to show up in our lives, new routines come around, and former situations change, typically for the better.

Hang in there, Kris.


Drown in the music,
dance in the rain,
block out the thunder,
and let the scars fade.
   
  (#11 (permalink)) Old
UnknownLife Offline
Member
Not a n00b
**
 
UnknownLife's Avatar
 
Name: Kris
Age: 29
Gender: Male
Location: Florida

Posts: 96
Join Date: January 6th 2009

Re: Raining Again... - August 12th 2009, 11:37 PM

Why do I deserve better? She has everything and I have nothing. God DAMNIT I hate this. I'm always the one who gets hurt. I'm just one big fucking mistake.

No I literally am in the middle of nowhere. I live completely alone now and it makes want to die that much more.

Really I'd rather just deal with it than being medicated

I don't deserve my life. I have failed, failed, and failed some more. I have nothing left except anger, hurt, pain, depression, and anxiety. I have no one left. I am empty. I am nothing. I'm holding on to absolutely nothing now. It's the perfect time to let go of my life and just end it. I'm a nice guy that never was pulled together but always pulled apart.
   
  (#12 (permalink)) Old
dancer Offline
love, anonymous
I've been here a while
********
 
dancer's Avatar
 
Age: 28
Gender: Female

Posts: 1,234
Join Date: March 25th 2009

Re: Raining Again... - August 13th 2009, 04:57 AM

Hi Kris,

*hugs*

I'm sorry that you're hurting so much. I'm sorry that you're feeling this way. You can kinda hear how you're doing in your writing, and I'm so sorry that you're feeling so down. I wish I could be there to give you a hug or something to remind you that things will get better.

Because Kris, you're not just one big mistake. Not by a long shot. And you're not a failure. You are definitely not nothing. You are important, you matter, you are cared about, you have those on TH (like me!!!) at least to hold on to, because we do care about you, and want to help you somehow to keep yourself pulled together. Maybe I should ship you some string...

Well, you won't necessarily have to live where you do right now forever. Keep hanging in there - eventually you will have the chance to move somewhere else. I know that "eventually" can be kind of frustrating to hear, but it really is true.

Like I said, you have us to hold on to. And to hold on to you. And what about what you hope to do in life, the experiences you hope to have, the places you hope to see, the chance just to discover what next Wednesday might end up being like, all of those are reasons to hang on. And just the fact that you matter a freaking lot is a pretty good reason, too.

Hang in there, Kris.


Drown in the music,
dance in the rain,
block out the thunder,
and let the scars fade.
   
  (#13 (permalink)) Old
UnknownLife Offline
Member
Not a n00b
**
 
UnknownLife's Avatar
 
Name: Kris
Age: 29
Gender: Male
Location: Florida

Posts: 96
Join Date: January 6th 2009

Re: Raining Again... - August 13th 2009, 06:22 AM

Really I've given up on things getting better. It just won't happen.

At this point, I honestly think you're the only person in this world that gives a shit about me. But I don't blame people because I truly am a fuck up, a mistake. Come on how am I not one? Just look at my life. There's already too many pieces missing from the puzzle called my life for anything to hold it together.

Eventually isn't good enough anymore. It won't be for years until I could go somewhere else.

I gave up on those dreams. They're unrealistic. I'd just end up letting myself down
   
  (#14 (permalink)) Old
dancer Offline
love, anonymous
I've been here a while
********
 
dancer's Avatar
 
Age: 28
Gender: Female

Posts: 1,234
Join Date: March 25th 2009

Re: Raining Again... - August 13th 2009, 06:30 AM

Just because people make mistakes doesn't mean they are one.

For one thing, you have put up with a lot, and made it at least this far, regardless of in what shape. The fact that you're still here means a whole lot. And even though you haven't been treated the way you should, you still try to treat people decently. Even though you're going through a hard time, I've still seen you offer to help others - like me. Stuff you've said in the past has really helped me. So there's another thing - you help. Just by being you.

Why not dream "unrealistically?" Most of my dreams would probably be perceived as far-fetched, but who cares? As long as I'm trying, there's still at least the possibility of them happening. If I don't try, then there's not anything working to open doors. There's a quote that I like about how people would astound themselves if they knew what they were capable of.

And I think there's a difference between giving up on things getting better right now and things ever getting better. I've sort of accepted that right now, I might have to put up with being treated a certain way, but I can at least try to take care of myself through that, even if it doesn't seem like the situation I'm trying to take care of myself because isn't going to change. But... things do change. There've been times before when I've felt like there was no way things could lift, had scoured my mind and grappled for something more to do to try to make it better, but couldn't find anything. But it just turned out that it just wasn't something that I had thought of. Because things did get better anyway, without my really having done something to make it happen. Life's just like that.

Hang in there, Kris. You are cared about


Drown in the music,
dance in the rain,
block out the thunder,
and let the scars fade.
   
  (#15 (permalink)) Old
.:Bibliophile:. Online
PM me anytime!

TeenHelp Veteran
*************
 
.:Bibliophile:.'s Avatar
 
Gender: Just me

Posts: 16,324
Blog Entries: 1722
Join Date: January 18th 2009

Re: Raining Again... - August 13th 2009, 06:40 AM

Hey Kris,

Please don't give up. I know things are hard right now but they can get better and you do not deserve to be treated badly or to be cheated on. Sometimes when we are struggling with sadness we start to believe that we deserve to be treated badly but the truth is we don't. Kris please don't give up because things will get better.

Have you ever thought of talking to someone about this? A therapist maybe? I know how hard it can be to ask for help but in the end it is worth it; do you think you could reach out to someone and ask them for help?

Kris please believe me when I say you are not a mistake. I know sometime we make mistakes as people and it makes us think that our lives are a mistake as well but that is so untrue. Kris you have a purpose and you are not a mistake. And, you matter you matter to dancer and you matter to me and there are probably other people out there who you matter to.

Don't ever give up on your dreams because they can come true with a little belief and hope. I have dreams that a lot of people view as stupid and pointless (namely my family). But, I don't let it get me down because I know that if I believe it can happen, somehow it can happen and Kris the same goes for you.

Please hang in there and if you ever need someone to talk to please feel free to pm me.

~Jenna~


|Lead Moderator|Newsletter Officer|
   
  (#16 (permalink)) Old
UnknownLife Offline
Member
Not a n00b
**
 
UnknownLife's Avatar
 
Name: Kris
Age: 29
Gender: Male
Location: Florida

Posts: 96
Join Date: January 6th 2009

Re: Raining Again... - August 16th 2009, 06:26 AM

I'm done officially done. Goodbye dancer. I'm so sorryy
   
  (#17 (permalink)) Old
UnknownLife Offline
Member
Not a n00b
**
 
UnknownLife's Avatar
 
Name: Kris
Age: 29
Gender: Male
Location: Florida

Posts: 96
Join Date: January 6th 2009

Re: Raining Again... - August 16th 2009, 04:14 PM

So last night was pretty bad. I got drunk and was trying to run out into an intersection. Two friends threw me to the ground and stopped it. I'm losing it badly. I'm suicidal all the time. I don't know what to do anymore
   
  (#18 (permalink)) Old
TheBabyEater Offline
With A Sprinkle Of Cinnamon
I've been here a while
********
 
TheBabyEater's Avatar
 
Name: Marissa
Age: 26
Gender: Female
Location: Iraw

Posts: 1,705
Blog Entries: 1
Join Date: January 6th 2009

Re: Raining Again... - August 16th 2009, 04:23 PM

I'm sorry you're feeling this way, and I know what it's like to be so down. But you've GOT to stay distracted. Distraction is key to getting through this.
Again, I know what it's like but I also know that it IS possible to get over this hell. You just need to give it time. Please... for all of us here and for yourself, go do something else. Write it out, go for a walk, go for a run, watch a hilarious movie, pick up an instrament, draw, do anything but kill yourself.
We all want you to get through this, and we all here believe in you. *hug*



Take me seriously.
I dare you.



  Send a message via Skype™ to TheBabyEater 
  (#19 (permalink)) Old
UnknownLife Offline
Member
Not a n00b
**
 
UnknownLife's Avatar
 
Name: Kris
Age: 29
Gender: Male
Location: Florida

Posts: 96
Join Date: January 6th 2009

Re: Raining Again... - August 16th 2009, 11:09 PM

I can't distract myself anymore. I was completely fine last night just drinking with some friends and out of nowhere just this tidal wave of depression hit me. So I walked outside and leaned against my truck for a while. Then my best friend came out seeing if I was ok and I lost it. Started crying, throwing my phone, started chugging straight whiskey. Then I told him I wanted to die. I laid everything out on the table. Then I felt worse and started walking to the intersection.

I can't be distracted from something I want so badly now. I honestly can say now that I want to die. The only thing that keeps me here is other people and I'm letting them go so it doesn't phase me anymore

Nothing works anymore. I lost the two things in my life that I was passionate about, my car and my girlfriend. If I still had my car then maybe it would work but I don't and I can't afford to get rid of my truck. Killing myself is all I want at this point.

I don't want to get through this. And I don't believe in myself anymore
   
  (#20 (permalink)) Old
dancer Offline
love, anonymous
I've been here a while
********
 
dancer's Avatar
 
Age: 28
Gender: Female

Posts: 1,234
Join Date: March 25th 2009

Re: Raining Again... - August 17th 2009, 01:11 AM

Hi Kris,

*hugs tightly*

I hope you're okay. I'm so sorry about the late reply. But Kris, please don't hurt yourself. Even if you don't believe in yourself, I do. I know that you can get through this. And I know that you deserve to get through this. I know that sometimes it can feel just not worth it, like it would just hurt too much in order to maybe come out at the other end of how you feel, just easier to sever it off and not have to deal with it. But that's not true. When we hurt, our overall vision becomes acutely nearsighted. People often hurt more than anyone ever should. But that hurting won't last. There are other ways out. The point is that we typically can't see them when we hurt like that. But just because we can't see them doesn't mean they're not there.

I would suggest trying not to drink. Alcohol is known as a depressant anyway. And your car - I promise, you will be able to get another one. Working to be able to save up enough to cover normal necessities and get that is something to keep going for. And I'm so sorry that you lost your girlfriend. Kris, I know that that can hurt so much. But Kris, I promise, there will be more people who'll come into your life who'll matter just as much. And one who'll matter so much that she won't leave. But you won't ever get a chance to meet her if you don't hold on.

Hang in there, Kris. I'll be thinking of ya. PM me anytime.


Drown in the music,
dance in the rain,
block out the thunder,
and let the scars fade.
   
  (#21 (permalink)) Old
UnknownLife Offline
Member
Not a n00b
**
 
UnknownLife's Avatar
 
Name: Kris
Age: 29
Gender: Male
Location: Florida

Posts: 96
Join Date: January 6th 2009

Re: Raining Again... - August 17th 2009, 02:31 AM

I WANT TO DIE

I WANT TO DIE

I WANT TO DIE

THATS ALL I WANT. TO DISAPPEAR FOR FOREVER
   
  (#22 (permalink)) Old
dancer Offline
love, anonymous
I've been here a while
********
 
dancer's Avatar
 
Age: 28
Gender: Female

Posts: 1,234
Join Date: March 25th 2009

Re: Raining Again... - August 17th 2009, 02:42 AM

Hey Kris,

I'm so sorry that you're feeling that way. But why do you want to die or disappear forever? Sometimes we choose those sorts of "what's" for "why's" that can be helped other ways.

And all "what's" can always be helped some way other than suicide.

So what's goin' on, hun?


Drown in the music,
dance in the rain,
block out the thunder,
and let the scars fade.
   
  (#23 (permalink)) Old
UnknownLife Offline
Member
Not a n00b
**
 
UnknownLife's Avatar
 
Name: Kris
Age: 29
Gender: Male
Location: Florida

Posts: 96
Join Date: January 6th 2009

Re: Raining Again... - August 17th 2009, 02:48 AM

Life is going on. My life is the problem. I'm done. Just gonna keep on drinkin
   
  (#24 (permalink)) Old
dancer Offline
love, anonymous
I've been here a while
********
 
dancer's Avatar
 
Age: 28
Gender: Female

Posts: 1,234
Join Date: March 25th 2009

Re: Raining Again... - August 17th 2009, 03:01 AM

Kris, I'm sorry that things feel so overwhelming. I understand using the answer "life" when people ask what's wrong. But anything in particular about life bothering you right now?

I don't know if drinking will help how you're feeling right now. What else could you to help yourself feel better? Hot chocolate is good, and hot showers... what do you think?

Hang in there.


Drown in the music,
dance in the rain,
block out the thunder,
and let the scars fade.
   
  (#25 (permalink)) Old
UnknownLife Offline
Member
Not a n00b
**
 
UnknownLife's Avatar
 
Name: Kris
Age: 29
Gender: Male
Location: Florida

Posts: 96
Join Date: January 6th 2009

Re: Raining Again... - August 17th 2009, 03:24 AM

Literally everything. I can't hold on any longer....I just can't

Drinking helps a shit ton. It doesn't hurt as bad for just a little bit. And I can come that much closer to ending it. I hate chocolate and sweets. I have no gas for hot showers but I gate cold showers.....

I'm pointless. Please just give up.....
   
  (#26 (permalink)) Old
dancer Offline
love, anonymous
I've been here a while
********
 
dancer's Avatar
 
Age: 28
Gender: Female

Posts: 1,234
Join Date: March 25th 2009

Re: Raining Again... - August 18th 2009, 03:27 AM

Hi Kris,

never give up. I'm not giving up on you, and you shouldn't give up on you.

I understand wanting to numb things. But I've found that in the long run, it helps a lot more to find something that's constructive, rather than destructive, to do that. Something that you can build on as a coping mechanism, rather than turn to as a quick fix. I don't mean to lecture or anything, but you just deserve a real way through things.

I've found that blasting music can also help. Even resorting to letting yourself live within the security of a movie/TV show plot for a bit can help. What else can you think of that might help as a healthy sort of escape for you?

Hang in there, Kris. I know that it might not seem that way right now, but things will get better. No, I can't say exactly how, but I can still say that they will.

Hang in there. Feel free to PM me anytime


Drown in the music,
dance in the rain,
block out the thunder,
and let the scars fade.
   
  (#27 (permalink)) Old
UnknownLife Offline
Member
Not a n00b
**
 
UnknownLife's Avatar
 
Name: Kris
Age: 29
Gender: Male
Location: Florida

Posts: 96
Join Date: January 6th 2009

Re: Raining Again... - August 18th 2009, 09:25 PM

I don't see why not. I mean isn't there only so much you can say to someone like me. I don't want to waste your time.

I'm starting to see its negative effects. I never have became like that when I drink. I think my drunk personality is changing for the worse

I did have a healthy escape but its gone. Racing motorcycles and working on my car were the greatest things ever. Ripping through a corner dragging my knee against the pavement doing 100+ mph on the track or tuning my car to get the most power out of it. God I miss it. But I had to sell my bike and my car. So that relaxer is gone. That was all I had. I would start playing football or baseball again but I just don't think my knee would hold up. Since my knee has been hurting ever since my motorcycle accident last year. Besides I wouldn't be able to do these things until I got better....If I ever do. I'm an active person. Adrenaline junkie. Things like that calm me down. But I don't have a way to do these things anymore. Do you see what I mean by EVERYTHING I have cared about has been taken from me? It kills me. Now I don't have my girlfriend anymore because I broke up with her and really I'm so lost now. Surprisingly I don't feel too bad right now, but maybe thats because I just worked for 10 hours nailing subframes and floors on a restraunt all day. I'm bout to pass out.
   
  (#28 (permalink)) Old
dancer Offline
love, anonymous
I've been here a while
********
 
dancer's Avatar
 
Age: 28
Gender: Female

Posts: 1,234
Join Date: March 25th 2009

Re: Raining Again... - August 20th 2009, 02:16 AM

Hey Kris,

you never waste my time. So don't worry about it.

Kris, you have had to deal with a lot. A lot. So it's completely understandable that you'd be having a hard time. But even when people lose everything, it's still possible to fill holes back in. If you've hit rock bottom, if everything's gone wrong, then there's nothing left to go wrong, so things can only start improving. Yeah, life tends not to completely let up, but being at a loss doesn't mean that there's not anything that can be done. It just means we have to be creative. Is there anything you could do, that you're able to do right now, that would get the same adrenaline rush? In a healthy way, mind you. Like... go carts? Or any sort of rough terrain vehicle you could look into or borrow?

Hang in there, Kris.

And by the way, I like the new avatar.


Drown in the music,
dance in the rain,
block out the thunder,
and let the scars fade.
   
  (#29 (permalink)) Old
UnknownLife Offline
Member
Not a n00b
**
 
UnknownLife's Avatar
 
Name: Kris
Age: 29
Gender: Male
Location: Florida

Posts: 96
Join Date: January 6th 2009

Re: Raining Again... - August 20th 2009, 02:45 AM

Thank you so much. You really have no idea how good it is to talk to you almost every night. Your an absolutely amazing person.

I wish I could get back into shifter carts. In fact, me and a few friends started planning a trip to go to a track that lets you rent them. But obviously I can't do that often and really can't afford my own. I can still go surfing from time time. Went today. I suck now since its been so long but I might have found a new old hobby. I traded the bike for a racing ATV so I might start to get into ATV racing circuits.

Gotta admit today has been a good day. I think I feel a smudge of happiness lol. Me and my girlfriend talked and worked some things out and agreed to try and sort things out. Went surfing with friends. Actually enjoyed all 9 hours of work haha. I just hope that I can carry this mood on to tomorrow ya know.

Thanks! Figured I'd go ahead and put a face to the name. Never could figure it out until tonight!
   
  (#30 (permalink)) Old
dancer Offline
love, anonymous
I've been here a while
********
 
dancer's Avatar
 
Age: 28
Gender: Female

Posts: 1,234
Join Date: March 25th 2009

Re: Raining Again... - August 20th 2009, 02:57 AM

You're freaking amazing.

Just thought you should know that

I'm really glad that you're having a good day! Yay for happy smudges

It sounds like you've got some things to go with right now! ATV racing sounds really cool, and it's great that you and your girlfriend are going to try to sort things out. And wow, all nine hours of work - that's impressive

Happiness likes to persist. But even if things do somehow cloud over, you can still know that they won't always. Days like this can happen. And in very nice frequency, too. There's always the possibility for a good day. So that hope never goes away.

And lol I'm pretty sure you "sucking" at surfing is still better than what would be my attempts, since I've never tried before, but I'm going to a coastal school soon, so I'm hoping to learn! If I could, I'd videotape myself learning just so you could laugh at it later


Drown in the music,
dance in the rain,
block out the thunder,
and let the scars fade.
   
  (#31 (permalink)) Old
UnknownLife Offline
Member
Not a n00b
**
 
UnknownLife's Avatar
 
Name: Kris
Age: 29
Gender: Male
Location: Florida

Posts: 96
Join Date: January 6th 2009

Re: Raining Again... - August 20th 2009, 03:17 AM

But your still the most amazingest lol

I know! Its been a VERY long time since I've felt like this. Happy smudges rock hahaha

It just kinda worries me. The last time I did something like that I hit a pothole on my dad's ATV and flipped it in the air 3 times while I got slammed into a gravel road and skidded about 100-150 ft across it. Then the ATV hit a tree and went bye lol. I REALLY don't want to put a scratch on mine lol. But I still got SOME skills. Practiced a little bit last week.

We'll see how it turns out between us. Its just good to be talking to her again and not fighting anymore. Taking things slowly, one step at a time.

Haha yea all 9 hours. Got to do DE construction today. And even though I left today cut up, bruised, and bleeding I had loads of fun. Lol I sound weird just typing that haha.

I can assure you I'm gonna try my very hardest to hold on to this feeling. I can't let my mind bring me down again. Gotta carry this feeling. Gotta do it for everyone not just myself

Oh bull crap. I'm sure you'll do just fine. Hey you'll probably do better than what I can do right now. You shoulda seen it. Man I suck lol. Took me an hour to re learn how to get up on the board again lol. And it was really funny busting my ass all afternoon haha

Where you gonna go to school at?
   
  (#32 (permalink)) Old
UnknownLife Offline
Member
Not a n00b
**
 
UnknownLife's Avatar
 
Name: Kris
Age: 29
Gender: Male
Location: Florida

Posts: 96
Join Date: January 6th 2009

Re: Raining Again... - August 22nd 2009, 05:17 AM

So the happiness is all dried up. I'm drinking. I knew it couldn't last. That it was only a matter of time before I became who I really am again. Reality hits hard....
   
  (#33 (permalink)) Old
dancer Offline
love, anonymous
I've been here a while
********
 
dancer's Avatar
 
Age: 28
Gender: Female

Posts: 1,234
Join Date: March 25th 2009

Re: Raining Again... - August 22nd 2009, 05:33 AM

Hey Kris,

anything happen that's bothering you? And no, this isn't necessarily who you really are. In fact, people typically act differently than they normally would when they're feeling down. And hun, I wouldn't recommend drinking. Alcohol when someone's feeling down can complicate things way too much. And alcohol in itself is a depressant.

Hang in there, Kris. Things will get better again. I promise.


Drown in the music,
dance in the rain,
block out the thunder,
and let the scars fade.
   
  (#34 (permalink)) Old
UnknownLife Offline
Member
Not a n00b
**
 
UnknownLife's Avatar
 
Name: Kris
Age: 29
Gender: Male
Location: Florida

Posts: 96
Join Date: January 6th 2009

Re: Raining Again... - August 22nd 2009, 08:30 AM

Fuck I'm feelin good. I'm an entire liter of jack daniels down. I love alcohol. Its the only thing that can make me feel good. I'm so drunk. Having a fucking fun night
   
Closed Thread

Bookmarks

Tags
raining

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off




All material copyright 1998-2018, TeenHelp.
Terms | Legal | Privacy | Conduct | Complaints

Powered by vBulletin®.
Copyright ©2000-2019, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Search engine optimization by vBSEO.
Theme developed in association with vBStyles.