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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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Dreading going back to school.. - August 10th 2009, 03:52 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of suicide, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread therefore might not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

I really, really, DON'T want to go back to school... I've recently been diagnosed with depression and a panic disorder. This whole summer has been really crappy.. Most of the time I've just been on the computer or in my room, sleeping and doing nothing.

I'm worried about when I'm depressed and I'll have to go to school.. I don't want to be around people when I'm really not feeling well. People will be like "What's wrong?" and "How are you... just okay?". I hate that. I'm not going to tell you what's really wrong. I won't be able to just stay home either..

I feel like this year is going to suck. I can't concentrate on anything. My grades are probably going to go down the tube.. I know I'm thinking really negatively, and it will happen if I think it will.. But I really don't know how to think positively anymore. I'm trying.. but it's so hard!

I just take it one day at a time, and that's so hard.. I think about suicide constantly. I have come close before. When I get in that mood, I don't want to be around people.. I isolate myself in my room. I know I should be around people when I feel like that, but I don't.

How am I going to deal, going back to high school with all the drama and stress, when I can't even manage summer?


Ugh... sorry for the rambling. Any advice?




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Re: Dreading going back to school.. - August 10th 2009, 04:45 PM

Hey there Kelsey

I can understand why you don't want to go back to school, I'm not too fond of the idea and I'm sure that many other people are feeling the same thing too!

I'm sorry that your summer hasn't been too good, if you've still got some time left then you could try and change that - try and get out, be active and go for walks or play sport. Try and get out with some people from school perhaps. That way you may be able to get used to being around people and you can ease yourself back into socialising. Easing yourself into social situations may help you become more adjusted to being around others which can be one of the hardest things about being at school.
I know it can be hard to be around people when you're not feeling your best, but it can help you to try and force yourself from isolating yourself and your emotions which may not seem like a nice prospect, but it can actually really help. Who knows - you may have some fun with your friends at school which you wouldn't have alone. If you don't want answer "What's wrong?" then you don't have to either, just tell people that you don't want to talk about it. However, it is really lovely that you do have people who care about you and would be willing to talk about things with you - it may not be a bad idea to talk to a friend that you trust about how you're feeling. It can be difficult, but it's nice to have support.

I think that it is important that you do have support when you're at school, whether it is from someone your age - a friend - or an adult, such as a teacher or school counsellor. Last year I was extremely depressed and I have to say that my form teacher was best form of support that I could've had. She helped me make schedule and organise my time so that it was easier for me to get work done, despite my concentration issues. I think that it would be really worthwhile if you could talk to a teacher about things as I think that it could really help you. If you've got a school/guidance counsellor, it may also be useful to talk to them once in a while about how you're doing. I can't stress how important I think this is. I honestly think that having support in school is vital and makes things so, so much easier.

I know that it can be an awful prospect, Kelsey, but you're not alone in your thoughts and feelings about going back to school - there are other people who are feeling the same way. You will be able to manage high school, I know you will. You may just need some more support, which is okay, because there is support out there for you.

Take care.
   
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Re: Dreading going back to school.. - August 10th 2009, 07:10 PM

hey kelsey.

i understand that sometimes when you have dealt with a lot over the summer, school feels like its different.. almost as though its like a hurdle.

however, just remember that its mostly only tough at the beginning part where everything kicks in. after that when you get used to the rhythm of everything,everything will get better. and about thinking negatively, sometimes we all feel like that too because we dont know how to handle what's going on. but after we learn that we can, everything will get better.

and when you know that you should be talking to people.. even when you're sad because of something, just talk to someone about it. the knowledge that there's someone somewhere to comfort you is extremely reassuring

and all in all, if you just manage to overcome what you feel psychologically, you'll definitely have a good year ahead.. with everything. and remember...

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Re: Dreading going back to school.. - August 11th 2009, 02:54 PM

Thanks for the replies, guys. (:

I've told one friend about it, and she's there for me. I don't really have anyone else to tell though. I wish I had more close friends that I could trust to be there for me, but I don't.

I guess I could tell a teacher that I trust.. I'll think about telling a counsellor. I just feel nervous telling an adult..




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Re: Dreading going back to school.. - August 11th 2009, 03:51 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by xxPinkie24 View Post
Thanks for the replies, guys. (:

I've told one friend about it, and she's there for me. I don't really have anyone else to tell though. I wish I had more close friends that I could trust to be there for me, but I don't.

I guess I could tell a teacher that I trust.. I'll think about telling a counsellor. I just feel nervous telling an adult..
It's good that you've managed to tell a friend, it's good that you have at least one friend to talk to and hopefully that'll make you feel a bit more comfortable and as though you have someone around you who understand which is important.
Try not to feel nervous about telling an adult - there's really nothing to worry about! It'll be okay, keep telling yourself that. Seriously, I'm sure that whoever you tell will be supportive of you and only want to help - they're not going to judge you or anything and they'll keep whatever you say confidential. I can understand that it's pretty nerve-wracking, I was terrified and it took me several attempts until I spoke to a teacher/school counsellor, but as I've said, it was totally worth it and I'd go through those nerves again for the help that I received. If you think it would help, you could write a letter explaining things or perhaps you could take your friend with you to talk to someone There's nothing to lose by telling someone.
   
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Re: Dreading going back to school.. - August 11th 2009, 09:54 PM

agreeing with what stephanie said.

and truly, i still believe that there's more nice adults out there than a lot of people think.. and yes. they're gonna help you and help you a lot remember there's so much to gain!


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Re: Dreading going back to school.. - August 12th 2009, 05:16 AM

Hey Kelsey,

I am glad that you were able to talk to your friend about this because it will help. I know that sometimes it might not seem like it but it really does help to have people backing you up when you are going through hard times. I know how hard it is to deal with school and depression but having your friend there really can help just don't be afraid to talk to her. Whenever you are going through a rough time try and reach out to your friend so that you can get her support; I know sometimes it might be a hard thing to do but I am sure your friend would want you to talk to her.

Also, I was wondering if you talked to your parents about your fears? I know it can be hard to talk to our parents but in the end they really can help us. If your parents realized you were worried about school they might be able to give you moral support and they might be able to help you talk to your school and figure out some type of options.

I know when I was going through a rough time my school offered to let me hang out in the library when I was having a really rough day or hang out and talk to the school psychologist. Maybe your school could offer you something like that as well? It might take some time but it can happen.

Something I would suggest is talking to your school psychologist; it might help you out and they might be able to help you work something out with your teachers. Do you think you could give it a shot? Maybe you could go by and try to figure out how you set up an appointment? It really does help to have someone at school on your side so that if your grades start to drop or what not they can intervene and hopefully do something to help.

Kelsey, please hang in there and if you ever want to talk feel free to pm me.

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Re: Dreading going back to school.. - August 12th 2009, 06:59 AM

I kind of talked to my parents about it.. I was more complaining and whining though. I was being ridiculous and said that I wanted to be home-schooled, or just not go to school.. I said that they couldn't make me, and that I would hold on to my bed so they couldn't take me.. Obviously they didn't go for that. They pretty much told me to suck it up and I'm going to school no matter what.. So I guess I'm in for another fun year of complete torture.

I wish I could just leave..




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Re: Dreading going back to school.. - August 12th 2009, 07:07 AM

Hi Kelsey,

I'm sorry that talking to your parents didn't go so well. I feel like talking to parents can just make it hard to be calm and rational in general. It's okay if you were complaining or whining or something - people are allowed to be that.

You're also allowed to go back and try to talk to your parents again, realize that before the conversation just didn't go the best and you'd like to try again, to really get something done this time. Or you could write down what you're feeling, what you feel might help, and ask for their help in figuring out real options that will help you take care of you, and then have them read that, so that you don't have to worry about your vocal chords cooperating in trying to just talk to them.

Hang in there


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Re: Dreading going back to school.. - August 13th 2009, 10:30 PM

I really did try talking to my mom, but she didnt really seem to understand or care. She just told me to suck it up, and I'm going to school.. bleh. I just want to leave before school even starts. Then I won't have to deal with anything.




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Re: Dreading going back to school.. - August 14th 2009, 12:21 AM

Hey,

I am sorry that your parents didn't listen. You could always try talking to them again but this time try doing it a little more calmly and rationally. Say something like 'mom I am not complaining but...' and then explain to her why you don't want to go to school. Sometimes when we 'whine' and our parents know there isn't much that they can do they get defensive and they tell us to 'suck it up'. If your mom better understood your worries and your fears (with you talking rationally ) maybe she would try to help you through it.

Another thing you could try is writing a letter. I know that sometimes people listen to letters more because they don't seem as 'whiny'. A letter is more to the point and emotions tend to not get in the way. Do you think you could give that a try?

And, if all else fails, go to school and lean on your friend. I know that its not the idea situation but it really can help and friends do have a way of making us feel a little bit better.

Kelsey please hang in there and if you need anything don't hesitate to pm me.

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Re: Dreading going back to school.. - August 14th 2009, 06:49 AM

Hi Kelsey,

I'm sorry that your mom's not being more understanding. I definitely agree with Jenna's advice. I know how frustrating it can be when parents don't seem to "get it" - I think it's not so much that they don't care about us, though, but that they don't want there to be something wrong, so it's easier, less scary for them if they can make it seem like we're making too much of a situation. Jenna's advice to explain how you're feeling and what's going on in a letter is a really good suggestion; it allows you to think about what you want to say, and sometimes shows that you really are being thoughtful about what's going on, and not just "whining."

And maybe school will really just end up bringing new possibilities for dealing with things - like your friend, or maybe talking to a teacher, or someone like a counselor. I know how scary it can seem, but I think the scariest part is really getting up the courage to go talk to the counselor, rather than actually doing it.

Hang in there, Kelsey. Feel free to PM me anytime.


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Re: Dreading going back to school.. - August 14th 2009, 12:47 PM

What am I going to talk to the teacher or counselor about? How are they going to help?




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Re: Dreading going back to school.. - August 15th 2009, 12:24 AM

Hey girl,
I'm going to be a senior in high school this year and i know just how you feel. I was diagnosed with depression and general anxiety disorder a little over a year ago. I've spent a good portion of this summer in my room sleeping or just watching TV and only leaving when I absolutely have to. Being in high school and having depression is so hard, I missed about 2 months of school last year. However, I wouldn't recommend doing the same...it only made things worse. You just have to take a deep breath and know that your classmates can't see how you feel inside. It's hard to get through and there's no easy way to do it. School gets really hard to handle but you have to try your hardest to focus, and schoolwork can even become an outlet for you..something to take your mind off of how you feel.
Good luck with it and I wish you the best.
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Re: Dreading going back to school.. - August 15th 2009, 01:37 AM

hey my name is yesi.. i know wat ur going threw right now. i sometimes hate beeing in school so much that i keep on thinking of droping out. ive lost most of my friends becasue i started feeling alone all the time. it started when i was in 8th grade and sumtimes it gets better and sumtimes worse. ive thought about talking to my parents but im scared because there going to think that im crazy or just making a big deal about it. well if u like to talk about ur problems just email me at lababymaria@yahoo.com hope that u can sovle ur problem
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Re: Dreading going back to school.. - August 16th 2009, 07:38 AM

Hey K,

I've had a small depression in the past and it was to the point where all I did was sit around in my room and try to avoid people. I don't know the depth of your depression but if you were diagnosed then I suggest maybe you talk about medication that might make you feel better. I went on some medication and I found it just made me tired so I'm not saying its the best solution but it might be alright if you give it a shot.

I think your best bet from depression is distraction. Maybe find things to make you busy. My best suggestion is try to do chores if that helps, maybe change your room around and clean random things. A change like redecorating might be a nice thing to try. If you aren't allowed then maybe try just reorganizing your room.

One method of distraction that ended up working for me was writing. I started off not enjoying to write because to me I could never do a good job. In reality writing is like art, it just can't be wrong as long as it means something to you. I would set yourself up with a project with writing. Maybe go ahead and set a story goal. Maybe write something that you can relate to. watch some movies and read some books to help inspire you. That too will serve as distraction.

Art is nice too if you enjoy that. Maybe exercise and focus on strengthening your body if thats what you're all about.

My point is, find out what you love to do, and what makes you feel better and go for it. ALWAYS try something new, you might not like it at first, but give it a shot anyway.

Good luck.
   
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Re: Dreading going back to school.. - August 23rd 2009, 12:14 AM

Do you guys have any ideas about what I could do when I'm upset or feeling suicidal at school? I feel so trapped there.. I can't just do something other than pay attention to the lesson during class.. Any thoughts?




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Re: Dreading going back to school.. - August 23rd 2009, 12:26 AM

Hey,

Have you considered talking to the school and making a special plan in case something like this comes up? I know my school was willing to work with me and they were gonna let me go sit in the library if something like that were to happen to me; maybe your school could do something like that for you?

Your parents would have to get involved but it does happen. The thing is schools have special plans for people with all types of issue and feelings of depression are under the category. If you have a doctors note or something your school would probably work something out. Problem is I don't know how long it would take.

Another thing you could do is talk to your teachers and explain your situation and ask them if there is something they could do to help you. Maybe they could let you go for a walk or something, you know? I know it will suck to open up about it but you don't want you school work to fail and teachers can be really understanding. If one isn't and it really becomes an issue then talk to your doctor and your parents and see if they can get something worked out.

Hope this helped.

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Re: Dreading going back to school.. - August 23rd 2009, 02:56 AM

I agree with beautifuldisaster1819, if you really need to talk to your doctor and get a note. I know its totally different but I had a problem with presentations, they gave me anxiety so I got a doctors note and my teachers made sure I had an alternative. If they would do that for an anxiety doctors note, they'll do it for a depression one in a heartbeat.

I had an attention problem in class and so I would always draw on my notes, my teacher onces gave me crap for it, but then I explaine that doodling helps me concentrate so they let me keep going with it. perhaps if you doodling would help you take your mind off things as well then perhaps you could consider that option. Perhaps warn your teacher ahead of time though so they think you are following even if you really aren't at all.

I wish you the best!


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Re: Dreading going back to school.. - August 23rd 2009, 06:00 AM

Hi Kelsey,

I definitely second Jenna and Mel's advice. I have a friend who was also able to work something out at school - she talked to our school counselor, and the counselor was able to work something out with the teachers, so whenever my friend started to feel upset or suicidal, she could walk out of class and go to the counselor's office, or find a friend who wasn't in class.

Hang in there, hun. Things will be okay.


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