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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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CherriesBlossom Offline
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craving suicide. - August 11th 2009, 12:33 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of suicide, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread therefore might not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

i could never commit suicide ever, it would hurt my boyfirend too much and hes pretty much the only one i care about hurting, the thing is though i think about its so much, and i want to, i fantasize about it all the time.

since ive had my boyfriend in my life ive been nothing but happy, but he does know of my self harming and such. but i worried that if i tell when i get depressed he will feel like he cant make me happy cause he can, but, i dont know, it just hard to deal with. he said he would help be and that he would want to make me feel all better but its not his problem its mine.


sometimes i think about the "what if" i commited suicide
"what if" i did this or that, and its not like these are normal rational thoughts, so it would be weird to talk about with someone.

sometimes simple things set of my sadness and it really sucks that something so small could create such a mess.

arghhh
i just want to be at peace you know?
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Re: craving suicide. - August 11th 2009, 04:12 AM

Hey Katie,

yeah, I understand wanting to be "at peace." There was a little while where it was like I was constantly embroiled and fighting within myself, and I'd wonder why I couldn't just get up and live like I used to be able to.

But all those "what if's" - actually, a lot more people, "normal" people, than expected do wonder about those same things to various degrees. And I think it's when thoughts aren't rational that we most need to talk to someone, instead of trying to handle them on our own.

Talking to your boyfriend would definitely be okay. Even if it's not "his" problem, you are still a part of his life, and he'll want to care for that part of his life. It's okay to ask to talk to him, to ask him for help in helping yourself. Or you could maybe try talking to a counselor; there's not so much of the emotional complication, and she/he'd be able to give some advice from a more practiced perspective.

It does really suck when simple things can cause so much of an emotional mess. Sometimes I feel like small things can be harder than big things to handle, though. But for either, it's good to be able to have a sort of mental list of things you could do that might help cheer you up, or at least help you pass the time in a safe way until things start to lean toward the better. Of course, there's stuff like music, hard candy, going for a walk... what do you like to do?

Hang in there. Feel free to PM me anytime


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Re: craving suicide. - August 11th 2009, 10:26 PM

Hey Katie,

It's not a crime to want to end pain. It's normal for people to think of ways, often seeming easy, to end pains in their life. This, unfortunately can mean suicide too. However, we have to be able to draw the line between what is a healthy thought and what isn't. Indulging in suicide is something that can get more dangerous over time. I don't suggest thinking about it as an outlet at all, because it can lead you to cravings and other things that only make not committing suicide harder.

The important thing to remember is that you're able to get out of the suicidal trance. No matter what happens, remember that people are here who want to help you feel better. Even if there is only one person who can do it, utilize this person. Your boyfriend cares about you obviously, or he wouldn't want to be helping at all. Keep in mind that he doesn't need to help, but he is because he cares and allowing him to help lets him know he's needed. Sometimes, even though we feel like a burden - allowing others to help enables them to feel needed, which is something we all need to feel sometimes.

The best thing for relationships is being open and honest with each other. Assuming his reactions or feelings only make room for more accusations. If you want a certain answer, the best thing you can do is talk to him about this. Let him know how you feel and in return he can let you know how he feels and you two can deal with it together. Relationships aren't about one person trying to keep things right, they're about coping together and finding a solution. I would suggest speaking to a professional if you can. Sometimes these random spurts of sadness triggered by small things can get worse or be something much deeper that you're unaware of. Depression isn't something meant to be kept inside. Remember that people want to help you and you're worth the time it takes to help you. :] I want you to know I'm here for you and if you need anyone to talk to, I'm a PM away. Take care of yourself.

Have hope,
-Melissa


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Don't you worry your pretty little mind, people throw rocks at things that shine..
   
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Re: craving suicide. - August 12th 2009, 12:25 AM

thank you so much melissa and dancer.
you are both right and i appreciate your advice so much.
i just need a healthier out let i guess.
(:
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