Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.
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Re: I've fricking had enough!!!!!! -
January 25th 2009, 06:17 AM
it actually does...
*I'm a slow dying flower, in the frost-killing hour, turning sour and untouchable.*
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Re: I've fricking had enough!!!!!! -
January 25th 2009, 06:25 AM
You're right on the edge...
...But its not your time to die.
Aha. Sure its not, and I'm like the Queen of England.
*deep breaths*
*One...two...three...four...five...six...*
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Re: I've fricking had enough!!!!!! -
January 25th 2009, 07:38 AM
Well, here I am again. I'm guessing you're sick of me, and to be honest I wouldn't blame you. It seems like all I'm doing is making enemies here. But you know, I just realised that you can't keep running. One day sooner or later the past will catch up with you, so you have to face it head on. I realise this now but still, I'm at my lowest.
People keep telling me to 'ask God for help'. He's not real in my eyes. Why does He cause so much pain and destruction. If He is real, then He is evil in my eyes. You can hate me for saying this, but its the truth. All He does is sits back and watches as his creation gets destroyed. Watches as the innocent die, and the others create havok on the streets. He watches as defenseless people die. Watches as Wars ravish the world. All illness and disease kills millions. How can people worship Him? How can people love him when all he does is bad? Thats my thoughts anyway...
There was one time I thought about believing in Him. I was lower than low itself. I was about to end it, but suddenly I found my bible that I was given in year 7. I began to read it, but then I broke down screaming. I prayed for His help. I prayed all night but He never answered. Never. God doesn't exist, and if He does the He hates me.
He hates me just like everyone else hates me...
People stare at me with that same disgusting look. I'm fat, ugly, pathetic. Oh, and did I forget to mention how fucking stupid I am?
I hate myself. I hate myself.
I tried to...I tried to get better, just wasn't meant for me. See?! See what I mean? I attempt to get better and I lose someone else!!!
Sorry to keep posting, I really am...but it helps me. It helps me more than anyone could imagine. I'm trapped, you know? Trapped in my own self-pity. I don't want to be, but when I try to get out of the hole I seem to fall further. Its like I'm drowning. Its like I'm suffocating. Its like, its like nothing you could imagine. I feel...I feel like its NEVER going to get better, and I know that I keep trying to tell the rest of you that things WILL get better, but I can't convince you because I can't even convince myself! Memories are etched in my mind, and I feel having a million flashbacks. They don't stop. I keep thinking that I should be dead. I should try again..but then I think of you guys and I don't think I can leave you behind, because you all mean so much to me. Literally, you guys are like my family. You care more than any of my real friends ever would...you guys are always here for me, no matter what. You don't realise how much this means to me. and yeah, I've just read through my whole thread and I realise that my thoughts have slightly changed since my first post. I mean, I think I'm beginning to realise that you guys maybe care a little...and maybe you might be hurt if I did anything stupid, and possibly you might miss me if I were to just...vanish? Hmm, yeah..anyway, back to the point. I've met some truly amazing people here, like Cody, Robin, Ian, Elliot, Marie, Jasmine and everyone else i've spoken to (which is a pretty long list) :]. I don't know what I would have done without you guys, seriously, and yeah I'm deep in thought right now, thinking is pretty dangerous for me but I'm past caring right now. Although I'm stuck in this trap right now, I'm beginning to feel happy...I'm beginning to feel...idk, content?
*sigh* I want to thank you all for being here for me, and I hope I can be there for you all one day...when you need it x
Last edited by .KillCasino.; January 25th 2009 at 09:56 AM.
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Re: I've fricking had enough!!!!!! -
January 25th 2009, 08:49 AM
I want to die. Now.
Last edited by .KillCasino.; January 25th 2009 at 09:56 AM.
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Re: I've fricking had enough!!!!!! -
January 25th 2009, 10:26 AM
Laura, I know it's hard, but believe me you can pull through this. Just like you have for the last couple of nights - I've been keeping an eye on this thread, praying you'll be strong enough (yeah, i don't belive in god either, but I still pray - weird, I know). And you were. You still are. You're not a bad person at all, the fact you felt sorry for your friend attempting proves that beyond all doubt - but that wasn't your fault. It was her decision and hers alone, and nothing you did or didn't do could have forced her into that. You. Are. A. Wonderful. Person. and I wish I could be as strong as you.
*cyberhugs*
wir sind wie Eisblumen, wir blühen in der Nacht we are like iceflowers, we bloom in the night wir sind wie Eisblumen, viel zu schön für den Tag we are like iceflowers, far too lovely for light wir sind wie Eisblumen, kalt und schwarz ist unsere Nacht we are like iceflowers, our night is cold and dark Eisblumen blühen in der Nacht iceflowers flower in the night - subway to sally
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Re: I've fricking had enough!!!!!! -
January 25th 2009, 10:27 AM
No. Its too late. I've really made up my mind.
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Re: I've fricking had enough!!!!!! -
January 25th 2009, 10:39 AM
It's not to late. It never is, I promise. Did you hear about the octogenarians who formed a rock band in their retirement home? Seriously though. I know it feels like that, but you deserve to be happy, and you can be. Just try to be strong. I know you can do it.
Everyone on here cares so much about you. We'll be here for you, tonight and the next night and the next night and any time you need anyone to listen. And I believe that some day soon, you will be helping people like you said you wanted to.
wir sind wie Eisblumen, wir blühen in der Nacht we are like iceflowers, we bloom in the night wir sind wie Eisblumen, viel zu schön für den Tag we are like iceflowers, far too lovely for light wir sind wie Eisblumen, kalt und schwarz ist unsere Nacht we are like iceflowers, our night is cold and dark Eisblumen blühen in der Nacht iceflowers flower in the night - subway to sally
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Re: I've fricking had enough!!!!!! -
January 25th 2009, 10:41 AM
No.
No.
and No.
Sorry, and goodbye.
Idk if I plan on returning later.
or at all.
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Re: I've fricking had enough!!!!!! -
January 25th 2009, 10:47 AM
Laura, please stay...just for a few minutes. What happened today? do you want to talk about it?
wir sind wie Eisblumen, wir blühen in der Nacht we are like iceflowers, we bloom in the night wir sind wie Eisblumen, viel zu schön für den Tag we are like iceflowers, far too lovely for light wir sind wie Eisblumen, kalt und schwarz ist unsere Nacht we are like iceflowers, our night is cold and dark Eisblumen blühen in der Nacht iceflowers flower in the night - subway to sally
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Eternally Yours.
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Re: I've fricking had enough!!!!!! -
January 25th 2009, 10:56 AM
Laura... 
If I lived closer to you then i'd be around your house right now with you.
So you know that someone is really there, in person not just virtually on here.
I live around 2hrs away from you though... which really really sucks
And If I could teleport to where you live, I actually would right now.
And give you a big big hug.
Please don't go...
*I'm a slow dying flower, in the frost-killing hour, turning sour and untouchable.*
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Re: I've fricking had enough!!!!!! -
January 25th 2009, 12:40 PM
why the hell would I stay?!
Why the hell would I put myself through the pain any longer haha.
Hmm, alcohol and pills, nice conbination you think?
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Dolan
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Re: I've fricking had enough!!!!!! -
January 25th 2009, 01:20 PM
No Laura, bad combination. You've proved numerous times that you can be happy, just stick around and keep working at it. Someday you will be happy most of the time, the pain will only visit very rarely. Things will get better.
And I don't want to lose you, just please don't do anything, ok?
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Re: I've fricking had enough!!!!!! -
January 25th 2009, 02:42 PM
im sorry..
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Dolan
I can't get enough
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Re: I've fricking had enough!!!!!! -
January 25th 2009, 03:18 PM
Laura, don't be sorry. Just don't leave, ok?
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Re: I've fricking had enough!!!!!! -
January 25th 2009, 03:43 PM
how can i :'[
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Dolan
I can't get enough
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Re: I've fricking had enough!!!!!! -
January 25th 2009, 03:46 PM
I know you can make it through this, Just stay strong and keep talking to us.
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They'll never know.
I've been here a while
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Re: I've fricking had enough!!!!!! -
January 25th 2009, 03:48 PM
You can speak to anyone on here, they'll keep you going. You can text me...I'll try and stay here if it helps you.
You were the angel of my life, taught me to be free Now I'm a stranger in your eyes.
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Re: I've fricking had enough!!!!!! -
January 25th 2009, 05:08 PM
its too late...i love you all...
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The lightgreenness. :D
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Re: I've fricking had enough!!!!!! -
January 25th 2009, 05:11 PM
Hey Laura. I just wanted to let you know it's never too late..suicide isn't the answer. You're such a strong person, and I have faith in you that you can make it through this. Life may hurt now, but it won't forever. We're here for you. Keep fighting.
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choose wisely
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Re: I've fricking had enough!!!!!! -
January 25th 2009, 07:18 PM
Laura DON'T!!!!!!!!!!!!1Please, I need you here and you're important to me, more then you know. There are a whole lot of people on here that would be geatly hurt if you left, even if you dobn't know it. You're a great person, especialy to me.
If you need something to do at least keep a date to look to forward to. It could be when you gratuate, or when you become an adult, just a date that you can lok forward to, it's what I do
pm me if you want to talk or rant and I'll be there for you
You're amazing just the way you are 
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Strength.
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Re: I've fricking had enough!!!!!! -
January 25th 2009, 07:33 PM
I'm included in that group. Please stay with us and let's get through this together. We are all worrying for you and want to see you happy again. Life, can be like a rollercoaster at times, trust me, I know the feeling. But, you have to take the bad and slap it in the face and ride the coaster back up. Try to breathe and stay calm, and remember some good things about your day, no matter how miniscule they may seem. A good meal, safe ride to school or work... anything. And of course, talking to us and staying with us will help. I hope your alright.
Click here to PM me any time, I'm here to help you if you want to talk to someone.
Beware lest you lose the substance, by grasping at the shadow. - The Dog and the Shadow, Aesop
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oh, really?..
Jeez, get a life!
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Re: I've fricking had enough!!!!!! -
January 25th 2009, 07:51 PM
it's obvious to me from this thread that there are so many people who love and care about you, and we don't even know you! come on, please try and think of something positive.. however small. talk to your friends, call someone, or chat on msn.. facebook chat.. whatever. however hard it may be, you can and will get through this. giving up is simply not an option.. not in my mind anyway. you'd regret it, and once your dead.. it's too late.
..and our dreams will break the boundaries of our fears..
❤
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Re: I've fricking had enough!!!!!! -
January 26th 2009, 10:27 AM
Sorry, for everything. I mean it, things just got really out of hand last night...but I think it might be sorted...I told him that he had to leave. I screamed, I 'hit' him, seeing as he wasn't actually there...I know he's not real, I know he's not but...idk, maybe its just my crazy state of mind...*sigh* He's gone, and i've got to move on I know that, but its hard. Today was hard, well...I didn't sleep at all last night, and then I passed out at college, which didn't do me any favours...my friend said it looked like i'd taken loads of drugs, aha, if only she knew...
My mind is like, idk...nothing seems clear and idk what to do anymore...I'm sick of this...I don't know why I'm still here..
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choose wisely
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Re: I've fricking had enough!!!!!! -
January 26th 2009, 11:20 AM
your hear because your a good person *look at my message before this one*
You're amazing just the way you are
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Re: I've fricking had enough!!!!!! -
January 26th 2009, 11:33 AM
Hey Laura, I'm really glad things are moving forward for you Stay strong, keep fighting, and I know you can get through this.
I'm really posting to say sorry, I'm not going to be on msn again =( or on TH, actually...my tyrant stepfather is taking away my laptop. So...good luck, hun. And goodbye I just wanted you to know I wasn't ignoring you - I do care, just like everyone else on here does. I'll be thinking of you. Don't give in - you're a wonderful person and you deserve to be happy.
Amy x
wir sind wie Eisblumen, wir blühen in der Nacht we are like iceflowers, we bloom in the night wir sind wie Eisblumen, viel zu schön für den Tag we are like iceflowers, far too lovely for light wir sind wie Eisblumen, kalt und schwarz ist unsere Nacht we are like iceflowers, our night is cold and dark Eisblumen blühen in der Nacht iceflowers flower in the night - subway to sally
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Re: I've fricking had enough!!!!!! -
January 26th 2009, 12:39 PM
Me? A good person? I think not. *sigh*
and its okay Amy, take care okay?
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Eternally Yours.
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Re: I've fricking had enough!!!!!! -
January 26th 2009, 12:41 PM
stay, please stay. your a great person laura.
you amazing
hug
*I'm a slow dying flower, in the frost-killing hour, turning sour and untouchable.*
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Re: I've fricking had enough!!!!!! -
January 26th 2009, 12:44 PM
pfft, wrong person you're talking about there..
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Re: I've fricking had enough!!!!!! -
January 26th 2009, 12:48 PM
im not.
im talking about you.
okay you.
you talk to me, you make sure im okay.
you make sure ALOT of people are okay on here and around you.
i know your amazing
*I'm a slow dying flower, in the frost-killing hour, turning sour and untouchable.*
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Re: I've fricking had enough!!!!!! -
January 26th 2009, 12:49 PM
haha c'mon, we all know that's a lie...
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Re: I've fricking had enough!!!!!! -
January 26th 2009, 12:51 PM
you think its a lie
the voice or whatever may say its a lie
i know its true
the people on TH know its true
and your friends know its true.
i care about you really ido
*I'm a slow dying flower, in the frost-killing hour, turning sour and untouchable.*
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Re: I've fricking had enough!!!!!! -
January 26th 2009, 12:53 PM
Mhmm.
Sure.
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Re: I've fricking had enough!!!!!! -
January 26th 2009, 01:04 PM
i do.
you can keep trying to push me and everyone else away.
but im going to be stubborn and not leave.
i can see good within you, your worth something to me.
and your my friend.
*I'm a slow dying flower, in the frost-killing hour, turning sour and untouchable.*
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Re: I've fricking had enough!!!!!! -
January 26th 2009, 01:05 PM
Hmm...Sorry, I'm stubborn myself...
I refuse to believe people care...
I can't change my view on that
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Re: I've fricking had enough!!!!!! -
January 26th 2009, 01:12 PM
If you refuse to believe that people care, why do you make all these threads? Go to Why Me? and rant if you don't want people to help you.
We might be in the same boat, so you're not alone. Every piece of support I get I appreciate so much.
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Re: I've fricking had enough!!!!!! -
January 26th 2009, 01:15 PM
Its not my fault if I don't believe it if people care, is it? Well, it is but thats only because of the past. The past changes people, and changes their views on the present and the future...
I never said I didn't appreciate the support, did I? You're fricking twisting my words. Of course I appreciate it, but I don't believe it when people say they care. You'll never understand why either.
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Re: I've fricking had enough!!!!!! -
January 26th 2009, 01:19 PM
to be honest laura. im a hypocrite.
im in the same boat as you there.
I dont believe it when people say they care. ):
i guess my past affected me
im sorry.
*I'm a slow dying flower, in the frost-killing hour, turning sour and untouchable.*
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Re: I've fricking had enough!!!!!! -
January 26th 2009, 01:20 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by .KillCasino.
Its not my fault if I don't believe it if people care, is it? Well, it is but thats only because of the past. The past changes people, and changes their views on the present and the future...
I never said I didn't appreciate the support, did I? You're fricking twisting my words. Of course I appreciate it, but I don't believe it when people say they care. You'll never understand why either.
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I'm sorry I didn't mean to upset you or twist your words.
Also, what I put in bold, I do agree with. It can change you and the pain can blind you, making it hard to "see" straight.
you don't have to believe it but people do care and support you.
You also don't have to tell me what happened but in what I've gone through in the past 20 years, I'm sure my heart would go out to you.
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Edna
I've been here a while
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Re: I've fricking had enough!!!!!! -
January 26th 2009, 01:25 PM
Let's work on what is wrong instead of why we're here. I think that'd be a little more helpful....
I am waylaid by Beauty. Who will walk
Between me and the crying of the frogs?
(My PM box is always open.. if I can't help you, I'll find someone who can)
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Join Date: January 8th 2009
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Re: I've fricking had enough!!!!!! -
January 26th 2009, 01:33 PM
What's wrong? What's wrong? Haha, good one. Okay, so here's my list that I just conjoured up in a few seconds.
1. I hate myself so much, seriously, like...I really do and I wish that I'd succeeded last night but unfortunately I didn't...*sigh*
2. I hate the way that I keep having flashbacks from the past, and they won't leave me.
3. I'm so emotional, the slightest things keep upsetting me and i'm having problems with my temper lately, i've noticed that...
4. I'm getting freaked out with 'him'. He won't leave, at all...
5. I hate everyone...really, I do. Please don't take that personally either, I just can't trust anyone...I can't.
6. I'm paranoid, to the extremes where I'm sitting in the corner of my room right now, next to the window, and I keep looking out there because I'm convinced someone is going to come and kill me.
7. I miss everyone I've lost, and I know nothing will bring them back, but I'm finding it hard to move on.
I could go on...but i'd be boring you...
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