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Nicholaa Offline
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Live or Die? - October 10th 2009, 09:26 PM

I don't know where this goes. But I'm giving up. I'm done caring. I've tried so hard to do everything right and make everyone else happy and it's gotten me no where. I'm sick of my life. I ruined everything for everyone and I can't make it up to them. I'm too tired to try anymore. I've been detaching myself for weeks now. I don't want to see my friends anymore. I don't want to have to tell them what happened. And as for Jaxon..I ruined that last night. I don't deserve him..the sooner he realizes that the better off he will be. I'm bad luck. I'll just ruin his life too. I've never felt this low before and I'm not even gonna try to get back up. What's the point. I use to see this world as so beautiful, full of hopes and dreams. Ha how childish that was. I'm not scared to die anymore. I'm sick of this tight feeling in my chest all the time, each breath feels like its ripping my heart and chest open. I'm sick of struggling. I just want this all to end. I thought I'd be scared..but after seeing the truth about this world..I'm relieved. A year ago I'd never imagine I'd be sitting here debating this. I don't know the right answer anymore.
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Re: Live or Die? - October 10th 2009, 10:30 PM

I know exactly how you feel because I dealt with suicide all this summer, and I am so glad that I didn't end my life this summer. I know how hard it feels to feel like no one cares about you and to actually to feel relieved to think about dying, but the thing to remember that so many people do care about you....for starters, I care about you. So many people would be sad if you ended your life and I don't want to be one of those people that cries hearing that you passed on. So many people care about you, but when you are in this state of thinking, you feel like no one would care if you died, but I know from experience that I have so many people that love and care about me and that would be hurting if I killed myself. You are not wrong about this world not being a wonderful happy place all the time, but why not live to help make it a better place. I know that you are strong because you wouldn't have posted this and you are reaching out of helping my posting this.
If you ever need to talk, you can PM me anytime and we can talk! Remember, so many people care about you! Please don't die!

"Damaged people are dangerous because they know they can survive."
"Sometimes courage is the little voice at the end of the day saying I will try again tomorrow."
"Challenges are what make life interesting."
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Re: Live or Die? - October 10th 2009, 11:39 PM

I know..but I feel dead already. Jaxon is the only thing that makes me feel alive and I messed it up last night on purpose. I'm not even sure why. I don't want to drag him into my mess of a life. I told him not to talk to me anymore. He got upset and told me to stop but I told him I was done with him, to just move on and he said no. He has been texting me all day..he wants to meet me tonight to talk..it's so hard to block him out, but it's the right thing to do for him, I'm done being selfish.
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Re: Live or Die? - October 10th 2009, 11:53 PM

If he is the one thing keeping you alive, and happy, then why would you want to mess that up? I really encourage you to go and talk to him tonight. Please do it. He could really help you if you tried explaining the situation. He cares about you. I can tell that he does. Imagine how hurt he is that you told him to leave you alone. If he didn't care, he would have listened. He would have stopped talking to you. But he didn't. He kept talking to you, and he wants to fix things. I really really hope that you do. He can help.
I know it may be hard to see that this life is worth living when you're in so much pain, but it really is. You were not childish to think that this life is magical and full of hopes and dreams. It's not childish at all. Because it's true. It really really is. This life has so many beautiful openings and experiences to live, but you can only live them, if you believe in them. A miracle will come your way, but only if you believe that. I hope that you allow your eyes to be open wide to the many great things that life has to bring.
I appreciate you coming on here and talking about your problems, that's really important. I am so glad that you are able to see that.
Please PM me if you need any help with anything. I will always be here. Always.
Take care, and know that we are always here for you. TeenHelp is here for you:].


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crazyheart12 Offline
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Re: Live or Die? - October 11th 2009, 11:14 AM


" I have long feared that my sins would return to visit me and the cost is more than I can bare"
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Nicholaa Offline
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Re: Live or Die? - October 11th 2009, 08:36 PM

I'm really sorry everyone. It was a moment of weakness. I went and talked to Jaxon. I'm feeling much better now. I have my whole life to live, this is just one of the many chapters of my life, and I'm going to get thru this and its going to make me so much stronger. I feel so stupid for even thinking those thoughts. I'm really sorry for worrying you! I'm fine now I promise, I really feel like things are going to start getting better, slowly but it will happen...it can't rain forever right?!
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