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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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3ofHearts Offline
of Wonderland.
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I don't really get it, I'm just never happy. - October 11th 2009, 07:12 AM

I suppose this could be due the hormones, because I'm going through my teenage years but...

I'm really never that happy. Ever since I've turned six years old I've become more and more cynical, to the point in which I tried to kill myself for years. Although within the past year and a half, I really haven't had those urges at all. Now my view on life is that I might as well stay alive and piss off as many people as I can before I go down. Nowadays, I just don't really agree with or like the world I live in. I know the world isn't just black and white, but I can't help but feel that everyone is boring. Everything is the same, no matter where you are, who you are or how old you are. People will still be pricks some of the time, and others will still be overly nice. Everything lives, everything dies. It's all just part of the the natural process of this earth. I really can't help but think..."Maybe I shouldn't have been born human." Or, "We're all really ignorant, and there is so much that we could learn, so why don't we?" Or "I wish I could just observe. Space, earth, lives, death, everything."

I guess you could say that I'm a bit obsessive with thinking too. I tend to over think everything, but that's not really a bad thing. When I think about stuff, I tend to try and think about it from as many angles as possible. I try not to classify things as happy or sad. They just are. I'm sorry if I sound really full of myself, or anything like that. To sum this paragraph up, I basically just want to understand.

When I'm thinking, I'm usually fine. If anything a bit detached. It's really just the world that surrounds me that gets me. I grew up with drug addicted parents, who did other things that'd I'd really not rather mention. I guess that put a certain amount of stress on me growing up, so maybe I'm just socially retarded? Maybe something is wrong with my brains? Could it be hormones? Stressful environment? School? I really don't know.

It's just...I'll see some kids at school who are talking about partying, gossiping about some girl, or putting on makeup and I just don't understand why, and it annoys me.

I'll be talking to my older sister, she's an anarchist, she'll get mad at me for being fine with the system. Or for not thinking I should shoulder the worlds burdens, and I won't understand her. I think she sees the world in black and white, or like a comic book. (With heroes and villains.)

I'll be hanging out with some friends, break off from the group with another, and they'll lite up. They've stopped smoking for three years, so I'm pissed that they started again. At the same time though, it's really none of my business.

I'll take a look at my future, and not see anything. I don't really want to live past 27, I think that any further would be too boring. (I'm not going to kill myself or anything stupid, I just think that'd be a decent age to die at. I don't want kids.)

I think medicine is too advanced. It's interfering with nature.

I think it's necessary for people to die, in order for the living standards on earth to be half decent in the next five hundred years.

Sometimes I think I'll wake up, or maybe none of this is even real. What proof do we have that we are truly existing? What is existence?


“There is no truth. There is only perception.” - Gustave Flaubert

“Everything's got a moral, if only you can find it.”

“I can't go back to yesterday - because I was a different person then”
-Lewis Carol

"Now I do not know whether I was then a man dreaming I was a butterfly, or whether I am now a butterfly, dreaming I am a man."-Zhuangzi



   
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Candy Offline
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Re: I don't really get it, I'm just never happy. - October 11th 2009, 03:03 PM

You need to speak to someone seriously becaus eit sounds like you;re clinically depressed. It couldbe that something triggered it when you wer young. Something small that ddnt get sorted. Then it changed ur attitude to things.

Be more positive and try to stop worrying. Ur friedns will realise- hopefully- that its bad fo rthem (smoking) and sive up in due time. Some people need to experience things before they stop.

You're very right to wonder abvout these things, it sound like you'd be a great Philosephor! <- however the heck u spell it.
COme up with you're own theories because an opinion is never wrong.

you'll Be fine. Honesy. Please dnt give up.
Good Luck


Candy =)
   
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