Everything is pointless

[L'espoir]

Things are building up again. Its been a month now since i got out of hospital after a suicide attempt. I am starting to see again how there is no point in anything... I am feeling that things are hopeless and it doesnt get better... I keep thinking of ways to try again, planning it all out, imagining what it would be like. I feel like i cant keep on going. I know all im doing is whining and i feel like everyone hates me they dont want me here or anywhere in general i know that other people have worse problems with me. I dont ever feel like going anywhere or doing anything, my mum persuaded me to go to the shops and buy a hair magazine so i could find something and get my hair cut but i walked for 5 mins then turned around and came straight home again. My birthday is in 2 weeks (6th feb) and i dont even care, i dont want presents, i dont want to celebrate i dont want anything to do with it. Im useless and i dont deserve anything. School is bad bad bad, i never want to leave the house in the mornings i just want to cry and hide away. I am always late (although luckily so is my form tutor so she never notices) and i find it hard in lessons, i cant concentrate and i dont feel like i can even start on work because thinking about it makes me want to cry. At lunch and break i feel like everyone hates me, i just want to get away from everything and i feel so stressed. I lock myself in the toilets and cry. I hate everything about it.

I wish this life of mine was over.
Jen

[lauren_160]

Hey Jenn, i'm Lauren, from what you've put you're going through a really rough time at the moment. I think the best thing you can do right now is go to your doctor and tell him/her whats up at the moment, maybe they can prescibe you/alter your meds to make you feel better.
Have you also tried taking up a hobby?
or looking at the alternatives thread (self harm forum)
which could just take your mind of these thoughts for at least a while?

Pm me if you need anything
xx

[L'espoir]

Im not on any meds... and i dont want to see my doctor really, as he scares me. I have a councellor and soon im seeing another worker who i think is a psychiatrist.

Hmmm dont have a hobby. I dont really do, well, anything. I never feel like it, things dont make me happy. I never go out either. Yeah i have seen loads of alternatives things i have list of 150 from my councellor but, ummm, it doesnt work. Nothing does. This is why its all so pointless. Everything.

[losing touch.]

you say your going to be seeing a psychiatrist soon, i think that'll be a really big help. i'm so sorry your feeling like this, no one deserves to be unhappy! is there anyone at school you could talk to? or perhaps a friend? even a parent? although i know talking to parents is kinda impossible in a lot of situations. i know you feel like things aren't going to get an better at this moment in time, but i guarantee you they will. ever heard the quote, "if you're going through hell - keep going." well, its once of my personal favourites. theres always something to live for, maybe your just still trying to figure out what it is for you, but thats no reason to give up! because everyone has something or someone in their life who helps them to keep going. posting here is a really positive step to trying to get through this point in your life. take care. x

[.KillCasino.]

Hey Jen, listen hun. I'm here for you whenever, yeah? I know you've been through a difficult time and I know maybe i'm not the nicest person to talk to right now, but I do understand hun, you know that, right? I was so worried when you told me about the last time, I really don't want you to do it again hun, yeah? You mean so much to me, you really do. You most certainly aren't whining, your feelings matter to me hun, yeah? Please, talk to me?
x x

[L'espoir]

umm, yeah thanks. I have nobody to talk to like friend or family. They are all fed up with me especially my mood swings.. im either really depressed or angry. Not exactly somebody people wanna be with. There is nothing. Just want it all to go away

[L'espoir]

Im trapped inside myself... so scared... idk what to do anymore... im so weak and vulnerable to anything... dont know what to do

[.KillCasino.]

Jenn I told you that you could talk to me, but you said you wouldn't talk so I don't know what you expect me to do except say I'm here for you. Why won't you talk to me? You're posting, which means you need the help but you just won't discuss it with me.

Anyway, if you want my opinion you're not weak at all. You're strong. You've supported me through so much, really, you have, espesh when I lost him..I want to be able to support you, but you won't let me in... :[