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bellababyy123 Offline
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Exclamation blamed for attempts... - October 19th 2009, 04:09 AM

i do not know what to do anymore please bear with me this is a long story but i really need help... about a year ago i broke up with this guy that i had been dating for almostt a year, i was hopelessly head over heels for him and he was my first serious boyfriend but he honestly needed help. he was a suicidal, depressive boy who couldnt even stop being depressed when he was "in love". i can understand being depressed even when you are in love but he took it to the next level...
one night we got into a fight and he tried to kill himself. his attempt did not work because his mother caught him. i was ecstatic that his mother caught him because i felt horrible and i felt that he was trying to kill himself because of me. then when i saw him the next day he comes up to me and tells me that he wanted to die because of me and if he killed himself it was all my fault, that same day he overdosed in school... he was lucky and he lived, but i ended our relationship because i felt it was unhealthy for me. since i started dating him i began to injure myself and have gotten sent to several psychologists.... it has been over a year and still all i ever think about is "what if he killed himself? i would have been completely to blame... im the reason his life is so horrible..." and he never lets me forget it. he still tries to keep in contact with me and ruin my life by telling me that he has recently cut my name into his arm and such and i dont know what to do except harm myself and i know thats not good.......... any advice anyone?? please??
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Katrina Offline
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Re: blamed for attempts... - October 21st 2009, 02:46 PM

Hey there.

Gosh, this is a hard situation to be in (as you know, clearly). It's very, very difficult to be in a relationship with someone that's depressed. Know though, that it's a whole big chemical imbalance thing going on - it's not their fault they're depressed, but it's certainly not YOUR fault. You tried to help him and it sounds like you were there for him and you did what you could. Not only does this sound like it was a very taxing relationship for you, but it also sounds that way for him - so I almost just really support your decision to break up with him. He needs to focus on himself and ways of heading towards recovery and climbing up and out of depression. And yeah, obviously that's so much easier for me to say than for him to do, but I think you know what you mean.

As for the self harm thing, I really recommend that you check out our Alternatives thread and look for something that might be able to help you there - it can be found here: [http://www.teenhelp.org/alternatives]. Just know that, in my opinion, he didn't try to kill himself because of you, he tried to kill himself because he was depressed. Most likely, he was looking for something to blame his depression on just as much as you are now. Just take good care of yourself.

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Re: blamed for attempts... - October 21st 2009, 10:32 PM

What Katrina said.

You are not to blame for his actions... he's the one that's depressed and it sounds like you've been very supportive, in fact. Heck, even if you had said something that set him off, that doesn't mean you're to blame for what he does.

This "he never lets me forget it" thing and the fact that he keeps coming back and hanging this incredible guilt over your head sounds like it's taken a horrible toll on you, emotionally. But this isn't the universe punishing you for something awful that you've done... this is him, as a person, taking it out his difficulties on you... probably because he's depressed and is struggling with a bazillion demons of his own.
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