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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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InAPickle Offline
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Location: In a far away land

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Join Date: October 15th 2009

Help (again, unfortunately) - October 19th 2009, 04:36 AM

I really hope someone hears this. Last time I asked for help but the website looked different, so I don't remember what I used to get help but all I know is that I did. Well, I'm in the middle of a teen crisis (of course) and I need some serious advice, because I fear if I don't get advice soon then my best friend will attempt suicide again. (And, maybe succeed.)

Here's what happened: last year, 8th grade, I became closer to a friend that I had made in 6th grade. In 6th grade she was bubbly, energetic, fun, loved Broadway musicals, and was honest. In 8th grade she got even bubblier, became very sarcastic (but not in a mean way), hyper, crazy (in a good way), and always seemed to be smiling and laughing about something. Sure, she put herself down occasionally, but we all did. It was what was done.

She began being obsessed with Charles Manson toward the beginning of the year, and although people thought it was strange no one was worried. Then she began an obsession with Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold, and occasionally she would say stuff like, "Oh, I wish their first plan had succeeded to bomb the library" and "Me and my friend are gonna start our own Columbine". Naturally I thought she was kidding. She would also ask stuff like, "Oh, would you guys be upset it I died?" and things of that sort. She also made many rape and abortion jokes. She also cutted, but many of my friends cutted, so that didn't upset me too much. But she was a rebel, and so was I, so I figured she was just kidding. And for those days she got depressed? Psh, everyone got depressed, I thought I was suicidal in 7th grade in fact. I figured everyone got sad occasionally, and her threats of suicide were not to be taken seriously.

And, of course, as in any drama, I was incredibly wrong.

Toward the end of the year, in June, I got a call from my friend Sergio that she had attempted suicide. I was dumbstruck; she had threatened it before, but never did I think she'd actually do it. She seemed too happy to be suicidal; and then I realized it; she was putting on a mask, a show, the person I came to know and love was fake. I had never been so afraid in my entire life. Thankfully, though, the attempt failed.

So, cut to Summer '09, which I had planned on being the "greatest summer ever", but in the back of my mind all I could think about was her. Had I done something wrong? Was I selfish/stupid not to tell anyone? What if I lost her trust, then she could have never helped me. She was sent to a psych ward, and almost every night I would call her to see how she was doing. At first the conversations were like any conversation at school, but then one day she admitted something to me that I had never known before:

She was molested by a girl when she was 5.

At that moment I heard her break down and become real with me, and she told me about how she has such a low self-esteem because of it. Eventually she got out of the psych ward, and every day she still had therapy, but when I finally saw her again she was legitimately happy, and not this fake hyper-happy I had gotten so accustomed to. I thought they had taken her personality away, when in truth she had changed for the better. And I knew I'd have to get accustomed to the change.

Well, cut to the beginning of 9th grade, this year, and I tried calling her the day after our first day of school. She didn't pick up. I kept trying to call her, and although we hung out at amusement parks together with other friends and she seemed happy, I learned something today that nearly brought me to tears.

First off, at about 7:00 at night, two of my friends I knew, one person I had heard of and his little sister and her two friends arrived at the front door of my condominium to visit me. Why? Because my friends are incredibly random.

Well, my friends were perky as usual, fun, (and a little hyper), and I grew to like the other new guy who I had heard of but never really talked to. And the visit was fun, except for two things:

1) I learned that my one friend and her boyfriend (who was the new boy I met) had had sex multiple times (using a condom), and I won't talk about that now but in a different post. I tried to seem cool about it and they believed me, but coming from a girl who's never even kissed a boy in her entire life, the idea of losing your virginity scares the living shit out of me.

And, the absolute worst part:

2) My friend, who I tried to keep in contact with and infact tried to visit this weekend, continued cutting like she used to and attempted suicide multiple times.

I just... I don't know what to do anymore. It's almost like too much effort to try to save someone you know in your heart can't be saved. I don't want her to die, but I don't know how to help her because I can't get in contact with her as it is and the only other friend from Middle School we both know that she has ALSO used to be a cutter and has lost her virginity and has taken drugs and ect ect. Her parents don't give a shit, and her sister is so ignorant it's obnoxious. She's so shut off.

I don't want to lose her. I don't want her to die. But I'm not sure if I can help that anymore.
   
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