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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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PerObscurumVox Offline
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I want to die so badly - October 20th 2009, 04:06 AM

I am 15 years old.

I only have about 3 friends.

I am spiraling down into drugs and I have been abusing Xanax, Coedine, OxyContin, Valium, Percocet, Zoloft, Marijuana, Ecstasy, Shrooms, Klonopin, Ativan, Alcohol, whatever I can get my hands on.


I am ugly and have no self esteem.

I have made murder threats to many people that pick on me and I have been suspended 2 times for possession of a knife. (both times I had pulled it out on people, on one occasion I put it up to a persons throat) I hate those bullies. I wish they would all die.

I never picked on anyone. I tried to be as nice as I could but everyone still hated me.


I want to die so badly. I told my parents but they just yell at me.

Please I want to know one thing to live for. What do I do?

I have no future. All I have ahead is 6 feet of dirt on top of me.

What do I do?
   
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Re: I want to die so badly - October 20th 2009, 05:19 AM

What you should do is fight (not literally)- don't commit suicide. The first thing you should do is ease yourself off of any drugs that you're currently on.

The next thing would be to put the knife away. Even if you did kill a couple of the people who have been terrible to you, it wont make a difference in the grand scheme of things. The world is full of terrible people. But, it is also full of great people. That is one reason not to commit suicide. Another reason is that you're only 15, and honestly, 15 is a terrible age to be. I thought about suicide for hours a day at that age. How your life is at 15 is not how it will be in the future. It could be significantly better. I didn't believe mine would be, but it definitely is.

In any case, I encourage you to get help because really this is all up to you and you are fully responsible. You can also PM me if you want. I'm happy to talk (about anything- it doesn't have to be depressing stuff).



   
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*Jen* Offline
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Re: I want to die so badly - October 20th 2009, 05:07 PM

Hey,

I am sorry that you are going through all this at the moment. It sounds like you have loads going on for you. You probably don't need me to tell you this but drugs are not the answer to your problems and will only make things worse when they take over your life.

It is horrible to be picked on and bullied. Have you talked to a teacher about it? If not then I really think you should. You should be able to go to school and be free of these kind of things.

Don't give up though because things can and will change. You have to hang in there. It sounds like you really do with talking to your doctor or someone about the way you feel. You shouldn't just keep it all to yourself because that won't help.

Stay strong
   
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Re: I want to die so badly - October 29th 2009, 10:04 PM

I understand you... I realy do because I have tried to commit suside and I was on the edge... I was saved by an amazing doctor. I was bullied too.
I'll tell you everything about this story. Please read it and do nor repeat my mistakes.

I was bullied in 5th grade- very badly. I know what it feels like when people will do anything to hurt you. To take away a tiny scrap of happienes, to humuliate you... Just because it will make them feel good about themselves...
But I just took it all... One day one of the popular bitches (every school has those) came up to me and grabed onto my shirt. It was summer... She tugged it a little and said "Are you trying to hide your ugly personality behind these clothes?" (I was wearing expensive cloths thet day). I got so mad, this girl was always bitching behind my back and to my face... I screamed and jumped at her. I had had enough humiliation, enough pain... I pinned her down and started to pound the shit out of her... This lasted for a couple of seconds. Then I got up and pulled her to her feet by her hair so hard she started to wimper... I flung her to a fence and sunk my nails into her shoulders to hold her. and atarted to scream, like your bitch crowd isn't here now, how about you make fun of me to my face now, bitch! She was wimpering and said she was sorry. And I was like, sorry won't help now, got that? I stuck my hand into my backpack and pulled out the pills I had been saving. And swallowed 30 pills in front of her.
She screamed as I stayed there a couple minutes... The pills were workind, I fall and everything was blank within minutes...
I awoke 3 weeks later. I had had an operation. I was almost dead. In the next months I went to school. THe bitch was there... She was freeking out. Everyone was hating her. And they circled her. And starting yelling at her, blaming her for what happened. But I got so mad, I broke into the circle. I screamed "SHUT UP!!! ALL OF YOU JUST SHUT UP!!! It's not her, who hurt me the most!!! It's you! Te ones who were there, laughing when she was making fun! I hate each and every one of you!"
It seemed like quiet ruled the halls.. After that i became popular...
And I was thanking god for keeping me alive

Do not commit suiside. You know you are stronger then that! You are gonna miss out on some kick ass stuff if you do!!! And if you ever want to just talk, write to me, I'll be here for you, I promice!!!
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