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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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I've got until February. - October 25th 2009, 10:52 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of suicide, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread therefore might not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

More Specifically, the 14th.
I recently started going through another suicidal episode, and this time, it resulted in me making a deal with my closest friend. I promised not to kill myself until valentine's day. If I don't get better by then, then there's an 80+% that I'm killing myself that day. I'm not even sure what causes these damned episodes anymore. Loneliness, anger, stress, they're all just a blur anymore.
So, now I'm saving these pills my mother gives me to help me sleep. They're not sleeping pills per say, they're Tylenol PM or something like that. I'm expecting to have a lethal amount by December. So I'll have roughly double that in February.

The friend that I made the deal with mentioned that she'd try and get me a girlfriend. I told her that it'll never work out, but she's still gonna try.

Either way, I'm already regretting the deal. I don't know if I'll last till February. I hate everything about myself anymore. Just a few minutes ago, I punched myself in the face twice. I can't deal with this. And I have no way of talking with my closest friend, so I'm stuck with myself until I can talk with her.
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Re: I've got until February. - October 26th 2009, 12:15 AM

Hi Colton

Im sorry to hear you are going through a rough and tough time. You know, if you are going through a crap time you can get help, people will listen to your problems. And people want to help.

Its not your fault that you are going through another episode. Im glad you made that deal though, it shows you that you have good friends who care about you. BUT, you have to stay alive because you want to, not because you made a promise.
This is why you need help. You have to want to live. Yo uhave to get over these suicidal episodes.
Lonliness, anger and stress is all part of growing up, everybody goes through it, if you were to talk to people older than you, or even adults, they will tell you that the things you are going through can be resolved and your depression can be lifted.

You cant really say 'If Im not better...' Because you have to get better. If you look at it in the way you are doing so, you will always be negative, but if you get help, you can be positive. Because, I know there is positivity in you. It just has to be found.
Try thinking...'I will get better by february...' so you dont have the pressure of thinking you will kill yourself on a specific date,

I really dont think you should be saving your pills. I think that if you are saving them, with intention to take an overdose you need to be stopped. Wether you want to or not.

Suicide is not the answer, it never has been and it never will be. If you ended it, your mother would be completetly shattered, her life would be ruined, because she was the one that gave you trust by giving you tablets.
How would you feel in her shoes? Not nice. Not nice at all.
Plus, your friend, she would be crushed as well.
A lot of people think suicide is a way out, but suicide is only the start. It affects those around you. And thier lives will never be the same.

I think you need help. You deserve help. You must get help, talk to someone...please....why cant you talk to your closest friends....she can help you cope...help you get through.

If not then go to your local emergency room and tell them you are suicidal. They will help you, you really need to talk to a proffesional because of the position you are in.
You will be able to live a happy life if you just allow yourself to.

Take care


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Re: I've got until February. - October 26th 2009, 02:16 AM

Aww, thats so sad please dont kil yourself. Just think how hurt your friend will be. People love you and it would really hurt them if you were gone. And I_am_me_again is right, if you want to physically take your own life, well then thats your choice, but if you want to take someones life mentally...and especially someone who is close to you, then thats mean. And my mentally i mean make them go through all the stages of grief that it makes it hard for them to deal with. There are a lot of better ways to do this than suicide..please just dont do it
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Re: I've got until February. - October 26th 2009, 03:08 AM

I can't talk to that friend because she lives in a different town, I don't have her number, and she's not online. And if I "get better" then eventually, this will return. There is no escape. No matter what I do, I always end up having these episodes. The sooner I end it, the less people will get hurt. If I give it time, they just become more attached.
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Re: I've got until February. - October 28th 2009, 11:19 PM

I am sorry. I feel the same way, knowing that life is just... pointless.
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Re: I've got until February. - October 29th 2009, 12:30 AM

First of all, let me say, that suicide is NOT the answer to anything. It may seem like it is but its decieving. I know how you feel. Things will and do get better, in time. You have to be strong and wait this out, maybe seek some help. It's great that you can talk to someone about this! That takes so much courage! You should be proud of yourself for that.
My advice is to throw every single pill away. Tell your mom that you don't need them anymore. If you always see those pills, you will go back to your old thinking. I did this with the items I used to SH with. Once I got rid of them, the urge didn't go away, but it helped a lot in helping end that horrible habit. And let me tell you, not to scare you, but Acetaminophen (whats in Tylenol) causes liver damage. If you take a lethal dosage, there is a big chance it will take days for death and you will obtian liver damage. It is not worth you suffering!
I just hope that you feel better. Just remeber that you are great, awesome, unique just as you are. You need to live. You have things to accomplish and you will have an impact in this world. People love and care about you, they don't want to see you gone. I hope you realize this.
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