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$Kelly2DaB$ Offline
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Name: Kelly
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On The F***ing Edge - October 27th 2009, 02:11 AM

*strong language*

im pretty financially stable but things with the insurance company got messed up so instead of racking up a huge bill, i stopped seeing my therapist for awhile. big fucking mistake. i dont have him anymore. i thought my life was going good, and i felt like i was ready to give him up. nope. im not okay.

im so scared of being in college and making the wrong decisions. i want to be a chef, but am i really ready to deal with what lies in my path to achieving that goal?

my friends are a whole different story. im a hypocrite. i am not a jealous person but yet i get jealous of some of my friends. idk how to explain it but it just all these thoughts float through my mind. and i feel like i make myself feel like shit. im left with my thoughts alot, so all i do is think. and thinking is a little dangerous someitmes.

my parents piss me off to no end. yeah i know. everyone fights with their parents. but mine are intense! my mother the other day was all happy. and then she couldnt find something so she freaked out COMPLETELY and then that turned into i dont do anything around the house, and im a bad kid and blah blah blah. so my dad comes home. and he doesnt even say hello to me. he has the nerve to walk into the living room, and his first words are "what? you pissed her off and she left?" no you fuccking prick. i didnt do anything. and your a fucking asshole for thinking it was me. how dare you!

i dont know how much more i can fucking take. sometimes i write kinds of statuses on my facebook and then my best guy friend sends me a private message going on how people are gonna steer clear of me and not want to deal with me. you know its ironic. i dont want people leaving but maybe thats for the best.

i hate this. i hate my life. im so fucking sick of everything. this shit makes me want to put a fucking gun to my head. it starting to sound like a great idea. i want to do it so bad. im glad my parents dont own gun. who knows what im fucking capable of? im done pretending. fuck this. fucking pretending ot be happy. and fuck the world. here world. here is a big middle finger to you. fuck off.


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Re: On The F***ing Edge - October 28th 2009, 12:25 PM

Aw hun I am so sorry to hear that your going through this. I know how it feels to have your parents make you feel like dirt, but just know one they might be having a bad day, two deep down inside they know they don't mean it, three none of what they say is true. Also ignore your dad and mom blaiming things on you especially when you know its not your fault. Also I think you should try and get back into your therapist as they can be pretty handy when your feeling this way. If you can't get into see him maybe try and find another or even just talk to a friend or another family member, but don't keep it bottled inside that's not good for no one. Also don't put on an act if your feeling down don't be afraid to let someone know cause if you do they might be able to help you. Mostly just get help by talking to someone cause in the end your be glad you did. You already took the first step coming here now take the next Remember there's lots of people here cheering for you and we know you can do it! PM if you wanna talk<3


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