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whenitrains Offline
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Name: Michelle
Age: 26
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Join Date: October 24th 2009

So frustrated. - October 30th 2009, 03:11 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of suicide, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread therefore might not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

I want to end things so badly and have for such a long time that it's just pathetic that I haven't yet. The past 2 times I tried I failed and it sucks but at this point everything's just getting worse and worse.

I have to do homeschool now because I can't function well enough to go to regular school. All my friends won't shut up about school and grad and prom and they don't even think about how it makes me feel that I can't be there my graduating year. I probably won't even graduate because I get so stressed doing work that I can barely do any, I do 5 minutes per week.

My ex-boyfriend and I had been together 2 years on/off before we broke up a month and a half ago and he has a new girlfriend as of last week. He told me he was in love with me, so I don't understand how he's moved on so quickly when i'm still caught up with the break up. And he promised we'd stay friends, cause he used to help me through my breakdowns but now we don't even speak anymore and my best friends don't even care if I try and kill myself. They didn't even visit me in the hospital last time.

I'm tired of my problems growing more and more. I'm sick of Borderline and Bipolar. I'm on my 7th med I've tried starting this week. NOTHING works. I'm always so freaking depressed and I barely leave the house anymore. I have anger issues, it just hits me out of nowhere and I start punching my door.

But I love my parents so much and they're the only reason I can't kill myself. I have everything I need to do it and plan to all the time, but I can never pull through because I feel bad for my parents and I don't want to ruin their lives. But this life I'm living is no life to live. I'm so over suffering and it being so hard to make it through every day, and no one even appreciates that I do make it through the day, or that I've been in a rehab program for 8 months and it did nothing but make me worse and I just want it to be over so badly.

I've been jumping from the tops of buildings, for the thrill of the fall, ignoring sound advice or any thought of consequence.
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Savanna Offline
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Join Date: October 26th 2009

Re: So frustrated. - October 30th 2009, 07:14 PM

There is hope just hold on. I will be more than happy to talk to you and feel free to PM me.
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