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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Confused1isin Offline
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Name: Kelly or Khaos
Age: 29
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Join Date: January 6th 2009

Directions to nowhere. - November 1st 2009, 07:22 AM

I can't believe i'm posting here again. But I dont have anywhere else to turn. I don't know where to start, so this may be a bit confusing. I guess its been building since the end of July, when I finished school. I had been there for 3 years, 2 as a highschooler and one as a "collage" type deal. Most of the people in my last year had been with me for the 2 years before. At graduation we all said we'd keep in touch, but that was a lie. I haven't heard from one of them since. Which doesn't help with my thoughts and feelings of being useless and forgetful. But after finishing school my family started asking what I want to do, as in work, school, my life, and I can't think of anything I want to do involving what I went to school for, and the one time I talked to my mom about not having a passion for cooking any more and that I might want to get into something different, she laughed at me. I don't know if my lack of caring for cooking has to do with it not being what my heart is set on, or this damnable depression. I feel like a train stuck on a set of tracks that dead end into a wall. I feel so pointless. Most of my "friends" are either working or married or have some sort of direction and i'm just lost in the ocean. I've felt this way for months, and its getting harder to fight off the smaller things that normally would't bother me. Small stupid thing have been turning into major things and I don't know how much longer I can fight off the urge to just give up and give into the depression, or worse. I want to have a plan a direction, even a fucking clue as to what to do with my life but I'm totally clueless. Tonight my mom was talking with one of my cousins and asked him to compare me and another of our cousins and he wasted no time to say "Kelly has potential, a fuc*** ton of potential" and I nearly laughed when he said it. I have nothing like that. All I have is a razor blade thats not helping, and a bottle of pain killers and not enough courage to take them to end it. Maybe I just need to get away from everyone and everything that's making me feel this way, but I don't know how. I need some thing to get better, I'm so sick of feeling this way.

"It took a funeral to make me feel alive"
Forget regret or life is yours to miss, no other road, no other way. No DAY BUT TODAY!!!!"
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  (#2 (permalink)) Old
miika Offline
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Name: mikuno
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Join Date: January 22nd 2009

Re: Directions to nowhere. - November 1st 2009, 04:09 PM

hey there Kelly, im sorry things are so hard for you right now you mentioned wanting to get away from the things that are getting you down, have you considered perhapse taking a year out to go travelling aswell as taking your mind of your problems it may also reignite your passion for cooking again taking a break could be just the thing you need.
have you gone to a doctor about your depression? loss of interest in everyday activities could be because of the depressionso getting help for that may in turn help with finding your path in life. if you need to talk feel free to pm me if you want to talk.
miika x

~pm me anytime, night or day, i want to know what you have to say~

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