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Chriz Offline
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Name: Chris
Age: 25
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Location: Malaysia

Posts: 53
Join Date: November 3rd 2009

Not existing is so tempting... - November 3rd 2009, 08:32 AM

i don't really like the fact that im breathing. i keep thinking if i never existed i wouldn't have to think about all the problems i have now. if i never existed i wouldn't have to worry about the financial burden im giving my parents. if i never existed i didn't have to go trough the possibility of what happens to me if i kill myself. i was told i was a bad influence and that i wasn't worth living. am i wasting precious oxygen we have now? i don't really remember doing anything right. i failed my conduct again for not applying for leave and for being late. now i am asked to leave the school. right that moment i could have killed my self if there wasnt any one around me. why cant i do anything right? i think i am better off dead than being alive. i am not worth living. bad influence. a piece shit that isnt worth all the trouble... i wish i could get medical treatment as with the financial problem my family is suffering i couldnt. i couldnt give them more trouble than i already am by being alive. that is why im asking for help....
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Re: Not existing is so tempting... - November 4th 2009, 12:00 AM

Hey Chris.

I'm so sorry you are feeling this way at the moment and I can empathize with you fully.
The feelings of worthlessness and depression are, in my opinion a few of the worst feelings there are out there.
But you are not worthless at all, Chris. You are important person and I know you may not think that at the moment, but its the truth. Your parents love and care for you and do NOT see you as a financial burden, there may be money stress in your family at the moment, but by no means do you parents blame you for that.
Its awful that you are being asked to leave school. Do you know why they are asking you to do that? Maybe try talking to the head, tell them you will redeem yourself if you have done something wrong, or that you will start working if you haven't been.
They could give you another chance if they see you are serious about it.
I know that you think that killing yourself is the way to solve the problems you have at the moment, but it really isn't. Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Things do get better, I can promise you that. You are only 15 and I don't mean that in a patronizing way, I mean you have such a long and happy life ahead of you, just give it time to sort itself out.

PM me anytime you wanna talk Chris.


The lord says 'before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born, I set you apart'

Jeremiah 1.5

Just keep swimming swimming swimming - Dory from finding Nemo!!

Hold your head high princess, for tomorrow is another day.

You can do tonight without the help of a blade and wake in the morning with the feeling of accomplishment

PM me anytime, I am always here to be a shoulder to cry on, an ear to hear whats bothering you and words to make you see the hope

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Savanna Offline
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Re: Not existing is so tempting... - November 5th 2009, 07:41 PM

All those feelings are truelt the worst. Sometimes it helps to talk about them though. I am so glad that you did.
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Chriz Offline
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Name: Chris
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Join Date: November 3rd 2009

Re: Not existing is so tempting... - November 11th 2009, 04:58 AM

im not really sure if they think im serious. i started getting depression and i act rebelliously. one of my friend got into trouble and i found out that the teacher explained it was ALL MY FAULT she became like that. i really dont understand i didnt force her to do it. now they are throwing me out of school the way they look at me i hate it. i only got over what happened to me just a few months back and all this stuff is killing me now. when i just decided to start new with my newly known friends. i cant say anything but the fact that i brought it upon my self. not all teachers care. SOME teachers act like they care cause they get paid.
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