its eating me up- covered up suicide attempt

[bunny101]

ok, this may not make any sense as i am struggling to get it dwn on paper. at the end of september i was involved in a single car accident in which my car collided into a concrete barrier on the highway. I walked away with little injury, other than a fractured arm and skull, but as everyone is saying i am extremely lucky . My car was a complete mess after hitting the barrier at full speed and flipping 5 times brfore coming to a stop. The thing is I have told everyone including the police that I blacked out at the wheel, this is where the problem is, because it was actually a suicide attempt. I made sure no one else could get injured, i did it at 4am so there were no other cars on the road at the time so i did think about it. I do regret my stupid decission now, the police have suspended my lisence on medical grounds, and no one at all know sth etruth, and this is eating me up. I cant sleep as i have constant flashbacks, and keep thinking how much an idiot i am for doing this. I cant tell anyone because i will get into soooooooooooooo much trouble including charges. Im going crazy inside, i dont know what to do, i just cant keep going like this thoug because it is hurting sooooooo much. Please can i have some advice please.

[silentmuffin]

Hi Millie,

I'm glad your attempt wasn't successful, and that you realize now that it wasn't the best decision. It's normal for you to be having flashbacks about it and to be upset or angry with yourself. It is in the past now, but obviously you know it's not as easy as just forgetting about it. I know you're afraid you'll get in trouble if you tell anyone, but if you were feeling suicidal then that's a strong sign that you should talk to someone and get some help. Can you talk to a therapist or at least a counselor? They are usually not allowed to disclose information so even if you tell them the truth, you won't get in trouble for it.

If you can't talk to a therapist for some reason, then you should at least try discussing it with a friend you can trust. Also, try writing down your feelings and thoughts. Sometimes getting them down on paper helps to get them out of your head. Find things to keep you occupied and happy, so you can start to let the ordeal stay in the past and not haunt you anymore. You can also keep posting here on the forums. It's a nice way to feel less alone and get your thoughts out in a place where people are understanding and want to help.

It's definitely not an easy process, but the more you do to help understand your feelings and accept what you did and what the outcome was, the more you'll start to see that it's not controlling your life anymore.

[Nicolette]

See if there's a family center in your area that offers councilling, you need to get this off your chest, I hope that posting here has itleast started you on the path of getting this weight off of you.

[kiwi_fish_bunny]

hey im sorry that ur going through a rough time. same kinda thing covering up an attempt. i think that u should deffinatly see someone about it.
we are all here for you. so if u need to talk.
pm me if u want to talk hope u feel better