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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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It's all I can think about. - January 10th 2010, 12:22 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of suicide, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread therefore might not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

I don't really know where to start with this...
Usually I get really sad at night, but recently it's been lasting all day. I can't stop thinking about killing myself, or at least trying to seriously hurting myself somehow. I keep thinking about how my friends and family would be without me around, like, if they would be happier.
I don't have many friends, anyway, so it's not like I'd be leaving a lot of people behind if I did kill myself.
I've been cutting for a while, but I haven't done it for the last few weeks. I think because I want to do something more serious, if that makes sense.
I feel like cutting has lost it's shock value for me.

I feel really alone all the time. Both of my friends at school spend time with their other friends, which I understand. I just don't want to hang out with them, because I don't like the other people they're with.
And I really don't want to talk about any of this with them. I don't want to scare them and have them tell someone.
Also, I'm supposed to graduate this spring, but at the rate I'm going, it doesn't seem very realistic for me. And it's terrifying to me, the whole idea of not living with my mom. It sounds really stupid, but I'm worried I won't be able to live by myself.

Anyway, I don't really want to talk to my parents about this. Or my friends. Or my thereapist, because she'll tell my parents. I don't want to worry anyone.
   
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Re: It's all I can think about. - January 11th 2010, 09:47 AM

Im sorry you're going through this. I can understand not wanting to tell anyone, Im the same. Its hard to know what to do then. You'll be fine at living on you're own though =] Its not as hard or scary as you think, its quite refreshing actually. You suddenly realise that you're life has been spent making everyone else happy, to the point where you thought thats what you needed to be happy - but living on your own you learn to do things for yourself, starting small, but still.
Seriously, you'll do great =]
Ive also learnt this positive thinking stuff isnt crap. Lol. Seriously, they way we think something is going to turn out can have an affect on how it does. Be positive =] Even if things do go wrong then, they dont even seem as bad. Which they never actually are anyway, lol.
   
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Re: It's all I can think about. - January 11th 2010, 10:08 AM

just wanted to encourage you to reach out for help to people in your life because it sounds like you may have a mental illness such as Depression. Many Mental illnesses like depression are treatable with medication, therapy, and lifestyle changes such as eating balanced meals and getting enough sleep. It is however very very hard to go it alone. Your life is valuable, and with treatment things CAN get better.

I hate myself a lot. think im a dissappointment. think i'm a screw up. but i also think the world is a better place because of its screw ups, and losers, and out casts, and sinners, and freaks. there are a lot more of us than you would think, and i don't think just because we're a minority means we should give in and conform or kill ourselves. weirdos do great things. most great artists and inventors had some major issues, but they are thought of as major contributors to our society. if you stick around, maybe you would help the world in some way even if it would just be being a kick butt parent some day, or being a mentor to a teen later in life or something.

I doubt your family would be better off without you. most people won't go down in the history books. but that doesn't mean they aren't changing and contributing to the world. its like the chorus in musicals- the chorus members are just one in a group- but without them the play could not go on. sometimes when i feel like people would be better off without me i watch this videohttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Uv2DyzhxpA0 its a music video that is about suicide, and has real parents whose kids killed themselves talking about how hard hard losing their children. you said you weren't suicidal, but the video is only a few minutes long and may make you rethink your belief that your family would be better off without you.


the only thing you can count on is change, so why don't you stick around? This too shall pass. Things get better, things get worse, but it won't be this way for ever. Don't be afraid to ask for help. your life is valuable.

You're NOT alone-
Megan



When the patient's body has betrayed them,
and all the sciencewe have to offer has failed them,
when worst-case scenario comes true,
clinging to hope is all we've got left.
-grey's.anatomy-
   
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Re: It's all I can think about. - January 12th 2010, 07:30 PM

I suggest you reach out to someone. Someone in your family. Because closing yourself like this in a shell only puts more pressure on yourself. And that will not help you. On the very act of not wanting to worry anyone, you are putting yourself in danger and making them worry slowly by slowly. Reach out, spend sometime with your family and friends.
   
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