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Ella.x Offline
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Name: Ella
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It's been a while - January 11th 2010, 02:51 PM

So I took some time out to just get away from everything and try to focus on university life, but I'm back again. I really thought that if I tried to focus on something positive and keep myself busy, I'd start to feel better. It hasn't really made a difference though. I've excercised, I've gone out with my friends more, I've done things that I used to enjoy, I've been taking my antidepressants regularly and turning up to all my appointments with my councillor and psychiatrist - but I still feel down.
Just before christmas I had a few days where I was hyperactive and talkative and I had loads of energy. I went christmas shopping and spent far more money than I could afford to. I get like this a few times a year, which makes me think that maybe my psychiatrist was right when he said that I could be bipolar in which case the reason my meds aren't working would be because they're the wrong ones.
I'm pretty confused by all this and I'm starting to scare myself - before christmas I also punched someone I know and knocked him out. When I get like that I can't even stop myself. It's horrible.
I have an appointment with my psychiatrist next monday and I'm going to mention all of this to him. I'm just scared that I'll end up in hospital before I make it to the appointment.
   
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Re: It's been a while - January 11th 2010, 03:55 PM

it's been a while since I've been here......also because Ive been trying to convince my self that going to university and the open life would help ...as u can guess it did not. What helped was taking my self threw REAALLY tiny steps that started with getting out of bed , I have this sticker 'things to do today :
1.weak up. 2.survive. 3. Go back to be' and whenever I see it I feel I did some fo what I had to do , I also have funny stikers and backgrounds every where (the desktop of my p.c and mobile are pictures with stuff like 'be positive', 'the fool is trying 2 b cool...etc'
Things that if do not get me going calm me down when I want to take life out of some one. Try baby steps they make u feel like u did sth


If ur at the bottom then cheer it only can go better
If you are lonely then smile
You do not need them to stay alive
If they hurt you bad ,been hurt worst and every thing is just pushing u down...
And even though you are strong enough to survive


p.m me.........I quite like it

   
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Re: It's been a while - January 12th 2010, 07:40 PM

First thing's first ; Don't be afraid.

Secondly, talk to your psychiatrist and see what he says. And also what you tried tkes time. It will naturally take time for you to find that which you are looking for. And most times you find it when you aren't even looking. Just keep enjoying life, try your best on finding something new that your heart loves and then keep going.
   
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Re: It's been a while - January 12th 2010, 09:53 PM

Oh dear, I'm not feeling very good at all today. I spent time with a couple of my flatmates who I'm friends with, but then some bitch came up and asked them if I was drunk because I was in a good mood. I'm sick of people thinking that I'm an alcoholic bitch. There's more to me than that. I just wish people would see past their stupid judgemental impressions of me. I'm so so sick of having to try and prove myself to people. I'll never be good enough for them, so why should I even bother?
I may as well kill myself now because I'll get kicked out of uni soon because I'm failing at everything. I don't know what to do.
   
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