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AlkalineTears Offline
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The Story of a Depressionist - January 15th 2010, 08:18 AM

The Story of a Depressionist

Life isn't always the most happiest thing to think of, or even be engaged in. Sometimes its your worst nightmare, something you just want to wake up from but everytime you scream you're still stuck there unable to escape the harsh reality. Life doesn't have to be so depressing, even for those who have a mental disorder have cured themselves of being depressed by taking their own stride and journey in life - finding a road thats smooth enough for them.

There are 7 billion people on this planet. Thats a lot of humans! And you can be sure that there is atleast 10 other people like you, with similar situations. You are never truly alone, even if it feels that way. Sometimes, you need to invent people inside your head because the ones who are experiencing something you can relate to are miles away. I'll tell my story of my old depression, and how I continue to improve upon it.

So your this little kid, joyful, happy and go jolly till your mother slams the door in your face just as you are prepared to run out the door and have fun with the other kids. You either break into tears, or you scream and shout saying "Mommy mommy I wanna go play!", but mommy doesn't understand that children need freedom. She never lets you out unless its to the store with daddy, and most of the time daddy is busy with his work paying the bills that lazy mom couldn't work a penny for. School starts, and you're excited about it. You're running there like its the best day in the world, new shoes, new pants shirts and a cool sesame street backpack with little lightbulbs on it. Finally, you're outside of the jailhouse. It's not all too soon that your happy little joyful day is ruined by snobs at school, filthy trash that just love to pick on you. You know something is wrong, but you can't deal with it because you are only a little kid.

As time goes on, you pass each grade and continuing the trechorous torchure of elementary - teachers devouring your cute little face because they are jealous of your manners. "Go stand in the corner in the freezing cold for two hours" "You're not going out for reces!" "Stop whining!". Abuse, abuse. How much more could a young child take? You think you could escape it by going home but only more awaits you at the door, your mother - a devil, perhaps. She glares into your eyes, and screams at you everytime you ask her for ''parental advice''. She's no mother to you, shes just a witch. She's the one who locked you inside, prevented you from finding friends.

Food. A luxury, a glutton's worst sin yet the best escape from the world. Poured down on you because your father is too busy working and dealing with his hideous wife - KFC, Mcdonalds, pizza, donuts the list goes on. The only time the family spends time is when you are eating - food food food! All of your depression is showing, its all over your body. You have no where to go, no where to run and hide. Locked inside your own misery, your own bedroom. Time passes on as the lunge into the deepest pit you'll ever fall into seemingly comes to an end.

Internet, freedom. You finally have an outerspace source of communication that gives you a freed mind, no limits no boundaries - just peace of mind. Your father gets a new job, a better income - more toys to play with. You are now a pre-teen, able to do some sports without the rag down that you'd normally get. A little bit more freedom keeps coming each day till you slam into another rock - injuries. Your sports you engaged in cause damage to your body, and soon you'll realize how permanent those damages are.

Highschool, you try to re-engage yourself into society. You enter some new tougher sports to which cause your old and forgotten injuries to return to you but with a price. Damage that will cost you all future sports. You begin to realize how trapped in you are by your physical means. You feel there is no escape, you grow anxiety, depression hazes over you like a mountain of toxic gas. You grow certain bodily disorders that you'd never expect to happen - you can't sleep properly because of them, you can't live properly because of them. You drop out of highschool because life was too tough for you. And now, everything is still. It's stiller than a pond of water sitting there. You can see all of these things you've never seen before.

Adulthood, everything so slow - slow relaxed. You lye there in bed, staring at the ceiling thinking of your future instead of your past. You realize, that even though you walk with a cane and can hardly hold a days presence there is better out there for you. Just still, and relaxed - all of these optimistic thoughts flew into me all at once.

Even though the story was crammed into a small space as possible, there was a lot of heartache and depression in my life. But I learned, to just stop and stay still. Let the water settle and you will see all of the beautiful things living in your pond. I've been to counselling, I've been to medicare but the thing that helped me the most was myself. Give yourself some time to breathe, and maybe in turn your depression and your pessissmism may slowly fade away.

Let yourself embrace all the things you wouldn't notice without pausing for even a minute.

Life may not always answer your wishes, but sometimes it can reward you for holding on a bit longer.
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Darrenboy! Offline
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Re: The Story of a Depressionist - January 16th 2010, 09:33 AM

I think it is a beautiful story... sometimes the bad things that happen, can cloud everything and thus we definitely damn freaking well fail at seeing all the good things and stuff and i agree on life rewarding us.. for every bad thing we go through, there is definitely going to be something good waiting behind all this

no matter what, hope and faith is always there.

Those who have went through more pain than everyone else, and want to protect anyone and everyone they know and care for from that pain, are stronger than everyone.

we come, we help, we stick and never leave. pm me anytimeee!

Official member of the completely Unofficial free hugs Club !

I'm firing mah Hugs!
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