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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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Des Mors Morde Offline
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What keeps you going? - January 18th 2010, 05:55 AM

Hey, I'm not used to the whole forum deal, but I guess I needed to tell someone about how I've felt lately, and this seemed like a decent way of doing it. So here's the deal:

I'm sixteen years old right now, and like oh so many others, completely depressed. I've given a lot of thought to suicide, but it just doesn't seem like my style, no offense to anyone but to me it seems like a weak way out; still, it does ultimately seem easier than living feeling this empty. I feel completely unfulfilled, and I always tell myself that someone or something will make things better, but I don't know how long I've been saying that, and it just doesn't seem to be true.

When I first started feeling this way I was thirteen, and I never said just how extremely depressed I felt, but I did seek help claiming that I was merely "sad". The only advice anyone gave me was to "turn my problems over to the lord." Three years later and I've lost all faith in religion, I;ve learned no matter how good you are no supreme being is going to make your pain fade away.

I don't live an especially difficult life, my childhood was rather messed up, but for the most part my domestic situation right now is acceptable, no one seems to really care about me one way or the other, but no one's going out of their way to make things hard on me. Still, I can;t change how miserable I feel. I guess what I'm asking for is help in learning how to deal with this. What can I use to keep me going when there's no one and nothing there for me?
   
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Re: What keeps you going? - January 18th 2010, 07:22 AM

"...someone or something will make things better." I previously thought the same thing, hoping someone would come rescue me and take me to a paradise where I could just forget about everything but let me be blunt: It won't happen. You really have to find the part of you that wants to live and bring it out.

Personally, I don't believe in God or any of that, so it kind of sucks that most organizations I stumble upon that commit to helping people are centered around God. That's why you need to make yourself the person that improves everything. For you, it might be going out more, or maybe staying in and doing something creative. Anything to get your mind off of things. Concerts and friends usually help me, you just have to find what works for you.

You said that no one cares about you. It might be creepy, but even though I don't know you, I care. I think you can make an awesome life for yourself. If no one cares, then they're not the people to be around. Find people that will care. I know it's easier said then done but that's why you have to put work into it. PM me if you want to talk. I'm all for it.


Waitin' for my ruca.
   
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Re: What keeps you going? - January 18th 2010, 07:41 AM

hey.

i understand you have went through a lot. But the fact is that whatever bad thing that led to you feeling depressed, is surmountable and changable. So much so you'll definitely start feeling happy again i know that so far it's like sometimes nothing's gonna happen to change it... but you've gotta go out , talk to people and meet people who care and will make everything better.. these people are people who you can share happy memories, and smiles together with. you surely can and will definitely meet those people

and that will make all the difference... what seemed to be nothing, will soon be full of happiness smiles and stuff. That's the end depression and the start of something new.

I think that's the best way in order to overcome and change how you feel: change your situation itself. Once everything is better, you will see that this world is beautiful indeed.

don't hesitate to tell us anything or anything , we are always happy to help !


Those who have went through more pain than everyone else, and want to protect anyone and everyone they know and care for from that pain, are stronger than everyone.

we come, we help, we stick and never leave. pm me anytimeee!

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I'm firing mah Hugs!
   
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Re: What keeps you going? - January 18th 2010, 04:16 PM

Here's my reasons to live, maybe some of them apply to you:

1) Life is just a series of moments, this too shall pass and I am strong enough to make it through.
2) The same light that was in me as a little girl lives on inside me today. That light is worth fighting for.
3) I am so deeply loved, and my death would be devastating for my loved ones.
4) My future child who may have been born by now needs me (I hope to adopt a teenager by the time I'm in my early 30's. I'm 17, so my child may have been born today, a bittersweet thought. )
5) The people who I could help in my life through work in psychology, volunteering, and writing.
6) Death may lead to an eternity of suffering I can't kill myself to escape.
7) The survivor gets to tell the story. I need to be alive to have survived.
8) This is MY life, and every passing minute is a chance to turn it all around!
9)I've come SO far.
10)Everyone deserves to live. You are no exception. "You have suffered enough, and warred with yourself. It's time that you won." - Falling Slowly by Glen Hansard.

I also use these coping skills when i'm suicidal:
1 ) sometimes when i feel like people would be better off without me i watch this video http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Uv2DyzhxpA0 its a music video that is about suicide, and has real parents whose kids killed themselves talking about how hard hard losing their children. the video is only a few minutes long and may make you rethink if you believe that your family would quickly move on.
2) if you are at home and are having really strong urges/racing thoughts try filling up a large bucket or bowl with ice water, elet it get really cold for a few minutes, and then stick your face in it as long as you can a few times. it's incredibly hard to think about how much life sucks when your face is in ice water. taking a 3-5 minute cold shower can also have this effect.
3) We all need somebody to lean on. Reach out for help and support from people online, at a hotline, or who you know and trust. If you think it would be a burden, imagine that you had a friend who killed themselves and in the note said they didn't reach out for help to you because they didn't want to "bother" you. asking for help now will be a lot less painful/burdensome on another person than killing yourself would be. if words aren't doing you justice, try art!
4) distrac(hey look a butterfly!)tions. coloring in coloring books. getting out of the house and reading in a coffee shop. playing solitare. masturbating. get creative!
5)sleeping. a lot.
6) relaxing. taking a hot bath. curling up under a blanket. drinking tea. tightening all my muscles and then one by one letting them relax.
-square breathing
take very slow deep breaths. inhale for two counts, then exhale for two counts. as you count inhale one – two, exhale one two picture a side of a blue square forming (or any other calming color) for each count in your mind. so each inhale is two sides of a square, and each exhale istwo sides, creating a full square.
-Visualization.
In this technique, you form mental images to take a visual journey to a peaceful, calming place or situation. Try to use as many senses as you can, including smells, sights, sounds and textures. If you imagine relaxing at the ocean, for instance, think about the warmth of the sun, the sound of crashing waves, the feel of the grains of sand and the smell of salt water. You can also use visualization to imagine yourself doing well in an anxiety provoking situation- a sort of mental rehersal.
7) feeling like i have a purpose. weirdos do great things. most great artists and inventors had some major issues, but they are thought of as major contributors to our society. if you stick around, maybe you would help the world in some way, even if its just by being a kick ass mom, or mentoring a teen who has no one to look up to when you are older.
8) fear of afterlife. mean i think most people who consider suicide are crossing their fingers that your spirit doesn't live on after death.
but there are a lot of people and religions who don't believe that. in a lot of religions that believe in heaven and hell- like christianity- suicide is just as bad as murder and is a ticket to hell. i dont believe in hell, but a lot of people do, so its good to take it into consideration, just in case. people say hell may be a lot of different things- but none of them sound all that fun. and its an eternity of feeling like shit where you cant kill yourself.
some eastern religions believe in incarnation. but that seems risky too. i mean, what if you come back as a child sex slave or something? that would suck.
what i'm getting at here is:
LIFE CAN GET BETTER, BUT DEATH MAY LEAD TO AN ETERNITY OF SUFFERING YOU CANT KILL YOURSELF TO ESCAPE.
9) letting out my emotions. havinga good cry. buying a cheap plate at a thrift store, decorating it to representmy problems and SMASHING it. jumping on bubble wrap. screaming. doing art. writing.
10) picking the lesser of two evils. if it comes down to suicide or another harmful behavior, pick the other harmful behavior that will keep you alive (just dont be mean to anyone else!) cutting, smoking, drinking, starving yourself, sleeping around, maybe not the BEST coping skills. but if your desperate, and it will keep you alive, why not? check out the book "Hello, Cruel World: 101 alternatives to suicide for freaks, teens, and other outlaws" by kate bornstien. she has quite a few unconventional suggestions to staying alive.

Hope this helps. You're NOT alone.

Megan



When the patient's body has betrayed them,
and all the sciencewe have to offer has failed them,
when worst-case scenario comes true,
clinging to hope is all we've got left.
-grey's.anatomy-
   
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Re: What keeps you going? - January 19th 2010, 03:41 AM

The reason I am still here is I do not want to cause pain to my dad and brothers [though I do not love them that much] , the main reason is it takes all your guts to kill yourself and I am just not brave enough I guess.


These walls that I can't break down...
   
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Re: What keeps you going? - January 25th 2010, 04:31 AM

After reading all these posts I've absorbed two very important messages that can't be overlooked. The first is creativity, the second friends. Of all the things that have been discussed, I feel that these two go the furthest into giving life a deeper meaning. The problem for me is that I have issues in both departments, but the latter especially

Writing is my creative outlet, but the problem it's also the thing I most pour my soul into, so in most cases it actually brings out my painful emotions and makes things a whole lot more difficult, either that or I'm depressed and can't feel inspired, neither one is very good.

I think friends are very important, but, well that's one of the biggest causes of my problems. There are a few secrets that most of my friends don't know. In fact, only one does; because of this I feel extremely isolated, and it seems almost impossible to really connect with people because these secrets are a big part of me as a person. Still, I have one really close friend, she knows everything about me. More than my parents. More than my brother. More than anyone I've ever known, and I know just as much about her. She was my sole source of comfort, but now just thinking about her makes me feel tears in the back of my eyes. As I got to know her better I started feeling more attached to her. I knew she had a boyfriend, and for a while that didn't bother me, but after a while I started developing a crush on her, and I was a little envious of her boyfriend. Well it got worse from there. I found out that her boyfriend is possessive, not uncommon, but sometimes he hurts her feelings with his jealousy. He's also a severe pessimist, which is by no measure a bad thing, but in his case he assumes terrible things like she's cheating on him. Whenever she was sad, it was usually his fault, and when it wasn't, I found out that he ignored her and refused to help. Whenever she has any problem, I'm the one who makes her feel better. After a while of this situation, my crush started to reach a higher point, and now I have incredibly strong feelings for her. I hope no one labels this as puppy love, or just a teenage crush, but I honestly believe I'm in love with her. I've confessed this to her, and it didn't damage our friendship, in fact we've even gotten closer since than, and she's even confessed that she fells the same way about me. Problem is she feels the same way about her boyfriend, for some reason I'll never understand, and the simple fact is that he already has her, so there's no room for me in her heart. So the situation is hard on me. I really love her, and I want her to be happy with or without me, but I worry about her in this relationship, and, even though she's my best friend, no the best person in my entire life, it's hard for her to make me happy because loving someone and not having them return your feelings, well I always assumed that was one of the most painful things a person could go through, and now I have the first hand experience to tell me that I was right.

So I see that there are things that make life meaningful, and having those things listed to me and elaborated on have helped me to some degree, but the obstacles that are in my way seem impassable, so I don't know what I can do to make things better. If anyone can say anything useful, please do, I can't do this by myself anymore. I don't feel like I'm totally alone and helpless with people there to support me, but I don't feel good either, in fact I'm no where close to good. Please help me, I don't know how to deal with this.
   
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Re: What keeps you going? - January 25th 2010, 05:39 AM

Your friend situation is eerily similar to mine. We're dating now, long-distance because both of us moved. She started getting involved with boys and I was like, whatever, I'm all for open relationships. Then I realized I would be nowhere without her. We had all these plans for the future, but one day we were talking and she mentioned that she plans on getting married to a guy someday and I just asked her, "Where does that put me?" She told me that I could live in the guest room. My world honestly felt like it was crashing down around me. But I posted this on here the other day and someone made me realize that just because I can't be everything she wants, doesn't mean I can't be happy. And I know how much it sucks to see someone you love so much get hurt (she went through a tough break-up), but the only thing we can do is move on and wait for others to come along. But express your feelings more about their relationship because it doesn't sound healthy at all.

I think you should also look into making close friends. You have her, but you should have other people as well who you don't have feelings towards.

On a side note, I think you should focus on writing about more positive things. Maybe start a journal of good things that happen? Or find another hobby that involves more positive thinking, because if writing is making the situation worse, then it isn't worth it.

I really hope things get better for you. Just keep your head high no matter how hard that may seem and keep holding on.


Waitin' for my ruca.
   
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Re: What keeps you going? - January 25th 2010, 05:47 AM

nothing really.. im just lazy



   
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