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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Daun Offline
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Hey... - January 18th 2010, 12:59 PM

I know I haven't helped anyone else yet... and I just signed up today, but...

My life is better than a lot of people's, I guess... I mean, my mom cares for me, buys me whatever I want (when she can afford it), doesn't get mad at me, etc... I have a friend that cares about me, granted, I don't know him irl... and my irl friends don't seem to understand me. But all in all, I shouldn't be depressed.

I recently had a friend that was suicidal, heard voices, all that... he admitted to using me as a crutch for 6 months. I remember one day when I was up all night, worried that he might have killed himself, and not wanting to tell anyone because he told me he'd be in a living hell if he was more of a disappointment/worry to his parents. He eventually got help... but after that, he hasn't talked to me a lot since. The stress after it, and a few fights/lies discovered later... he regrets what he did, but, I can't forgive him. I can't go back to being his friend. 'specially since he's the reason a girl yelled at me and made death threats and made me cry in front of my mom...

My friends IRL don't understand me, not really. The only one that did was told by her sister not to be my friend last year, and she complied, taking another friend with her... I've heard her sister remind her several times that she doesn't want me being her friend. Another friend moved away... so I now have a few people that I talk to occasionally at school, and a 'friend' that doesn't know anything about me... hasn't even been to my house.

My closest friend isn't even IRL... I have two friends online, one that knows everything about me, and another that's on the road to being as good of a friend as the other... the one that knows everything about me has helped me a lot... he cheers me up, sometimes... I just don't like it when he leaves. We have sorta a bad history together ourselves... we get into fights a lot. It annoys him how I "blame everything on myself" and such...

And I cry too much. I cry about everything. I was talking to a guy in a game I play, one that I escape into, and he was egging on a girl that was acting suicidal in world chat (everyone can see world chat). That made me cry. I broke my keyboard. That made me cry. I get grades lower than 93% (A where I live), I cry. People harass me at school because I'm a fatass/mean. I cry. I'm misunderstood when I'm trying to help someone... well, you get the point.

I've been to a therapist, after that friend left ('cause of her sister)... I just can't talk to one. I can't talk to someone I don't know. She wanted to give me an anti-depressant, but, my mom refused, and, after seeing a few people on anti-depressants, I have to agree... is that considered not trying to help?

Am I wrong to think I'm depressed? Is this just normal? Doesn't seem like it is... is it selfish to feel bad, though? I mean... I know people that have a lot more issues than me...

Sorry... I probably look like a selfish bitch, but, I want to know...
   
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Crescendo Offline
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Re: Hey... - January 18th 2010, 03:49 PM

just wanted to encourage you to reach out for help to people in your life because it sounds like you may indeed have a mental illness such as Depression. Many Mental illnesses like depression are treatable with medication, therapy, and lifestyle changes such as eating balanced meals and getting enough sleep. It is however very very hard to go it alone. Your life is valuable, and with treatment things CAN get better. If the first therapist wasn't helpful maybe another therapist or type of therapy would be.

Ask yourself "If I was happy, how would life be different than it is now?" It may be hard to imagine if you've been in emotional pain for a long time, but try to write as much as you can about what your life would be like. Then try to pick out the things in your "happy" life that you actually have control over and can work towards. Something like winning the lottery isn't realistic, but there are probably going to be several things that you do have control over. Make them specific and realistic goals.

It sounds like you're pretty hard on yourself. I hate myself a lot too. think im a dissappointment. think i'm a screw up. but i also think the world is a better place because of its screw ups, and losers, and out casts, and sinners, and freaks. there are a lot more of us than you would think, and i don't think just because we're a minority means we should give in and conform or kill ourselves. weirdos do great things. most great artists and inventors had some major issues, but they are thought of as major contributors to our society. if you stick around, maybe you would help the world in some way even if it would just be being a kick butt parent some day, or being a mentor to a teen later in life or something.

There will always be people who are better and worse off than you, but that doesn't mean you don't have a right to feel the way you do. To feel is human, don't take away that right from yourself. Teling yourself you don't have aright to feel depressed not only doesnt help the people who are worse off, it probably doesn't make you feel any better.

the only thing you can count on is change, so why don't you stick around? This too shall pass. Things get better, things get worse, but it won't be this way for ever. Don't be afraid to ask for help. your life is valuable.

feel free to VM or PM me anytime.
You're NOT alone.

Megan



When the patient's body has betrayed them,
and all the sciencewe have to offer has failed them,
when worst-case scenario comes true,
clinging to hope is all we've got left.
-grey's.anatomy-
   
  (#3 (permalink)) Old
Daun Offline
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Re: Hey... - January 18th 2010, 08:17 PM

Thanks... and thanks for saying I can talk to you anytime. Glad I wasn't told to GTFO or egged on... half expected that, really. Thanks.
   
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Alex xox Offline
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Re: Hey... - January 18th 2010, 09:55 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Daun View Post
Glad I wasn't told to GTFO or egged on... half expected that, really. Thanks.
no-one'll do that to you on hear chances are we've all benn in the same boat atone time or another

if you really think your depressed then you should go see a mental health proffesional

if you ever need anything just PM or VM ( i know it's already been said but thought I'd add it in)

~Alex xox


If I say I'm fine...I'm not
If I say just leave me alone...just do it or you'll regret it
   
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