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Being this way sucks - January 18th 2010, 06:47 PM

I hate feeling like this.
Bipolar disorder blows asshole.
It's like nothing I do seems to fix it.
Other then drugs. And I can't keep functioning like this.
Living high all the time isn't an option. And shit, when I am off em, I get even more emotional then I was before I took em. Fucking sucks.
I think if this shit doesn't let up within the next year, I'm going to blow my fucking brains out. No joke.
I mean how long can I really keep this up?
I can't keep doing this.
I need someones help.
I once said this to someone...

"You will. You will be strong. You will get through this. And you get through the next time. You have to look deep down in yourself and pull out every last drop of courage and determination. Not let go. And not give in. Because you are stronger than that. You are better then that. You are more powerful than the demons that try to pull you down. You are the master of your own emotions. You control your life. No matter how difficult. No matter how sad or terrified you are of the future. You will make it through. You will hold on. You will beat this. You will beat all of them. You have your faith. You have your life. You have your health. You have you. You will brake every boundary down. And you will use everything now as a stepping stone. As a latter to propel you to the next big thing. But you must push through and have dedication. You must believe that you are worth more then what you believe. You will win. And you will be okay.."

I cant even practice what I preach.
I don't understand.
   
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Re: Being this way sucks - January 18th 2010, 11:23 PM

Well problem is, its always easier to help someone else than it is to help yourself, especially with the emotional negativity people have towards themselves.

I mean, I know I could easily tell a friend they're pretty, not fat, etc., etc., but I could never see myself in a positive light. I have hated myself for over half my life, so I can't see anything good about me, but I can see the good in others.

This won't really ever "let up". I mean, with proper treatments, there have been people with bipolar who have got better overtime, like one of my friends actually. I don't know how long ago he was diagnosed, but he gets treatments, and he's better off than he used to be. So I mean, don't feel bad about taking pills and stuff.

Although, you shouldn't really feel high, I don't think. The medications are supposed to balance things, I thought. Maybe you should consider different medication, or a lower dose, if you're feeling like you're high, instead of feeling balanced. You should probably talk to your therapist/psych about this.

Don't give up, just because things aren't going alright now. I mean, things have to get worse before they can get better.

Feel free to PM me anytime if you wish to talk.
   
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Re: Being this way sucks - January 19th 2010, 04:07 AM

It's so rare for us to be able to "practice what we preach", for some reason the words are a lot easier when directed at someone else. Luckily that's what you have US for!

It's okay to not understand, and it's okay to feel frustrated. You are dealing with a really difficult disease, a really tough overwhelming sense of losing control of your body, and for that I'm truly sorry!

I want you to know that it is going to get better, you will find ways to take care of yourself, and figure out how to life the life you want to.

Hang in there, and please contact me if you need anything.




need some hope? click this one
know an angel? tell me about it
   
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Re: Being this way sucks - January 19th 2010, 12:38 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by ☣ ArcAngel ☣ View Post
Well problem is, its always easier to help someone else than it is to help yourself, especially with the emotional negativity people have towards themselves.

I mean, I know I could easily tell a friend they're pretty, not fat, etc., etc., but I could never see myself in a positive light. I have hated myself for over half my life, so I can't see anything good about me, but I can see the good in others.

This won't really ever "let up". I mean, with proper treatments, there have been people with bipolar who have got better overtime, like one of my friends actually. I don't know how long ago he was diagnosed, but he gets treatments, and he's better off than he used to be. So I mean, don't feel bad about taking pills and stuff.

Although, you shouldn't really feel high, I don't think. The medications are supposed to balance things, I thought. Maybe you should consider different medication, or a lower dose, if you're feeling like you're high, instead of feeling balanced. You should probably talk to your therapist/psych about this.

Don't give up, just because things aren't going alright now. I mean, things have to get worse before they can get better.

Feel free to PM me anytime if you wish to talk.
I understand what you're saying. But you misread my post. I don't mean medication making me high. I mean the only thing that I have found that makes it go away is drugs. Drug drugs. which I like doing. lol. But I cant be fucked up/high all the time and expect good things to happen. It costs money and is not socially acceptable. Medication on the other hand is an option, I just haven't looked all the way into it.
   
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Re: Being this way sucks - January 19th 2010, 05:55 PM

Well then you might want to look further into the medications.
   
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