Everything looks perfect from far away.

[faithunderfire]

From the birds view atop the trees you could see a beautiful yellow house that sat on the prettiest of yards, in the nicest of neighborhood in the quaintest of all the towns. Inside that house lived a picture perfect family, a mother who worked because she wanted to, a father who loved his children, and daughter who sought to please them both. If you happen to move a little closer to the ground you could see that the outside of the house needed washing, and that the grass needed mowed, and that the neighbors weren't all the friendly, and that the town was a bit more progressed than it seemed. And the mother worked; so the kitchen wasn't spotless, and father was always busy, and the daughter did as she pleased. Move a little close and stand in the family room and you saw that the mother didn't care for the children, the father expected perfection, and the daughter was just a mess.

I've been thinking about my childhood a lot. I keep thinking that I'm going to be forever a mess because of the way I grew up. The paragraph above is how I've always saw my family, and how everyone else saw us. I can't change my past, but it has a huge effect on who I am.

I always pretend I'm perfect and that everything is alright because that is what I was taught.

I hate perfection, and yet I still strive for it, or at least I strive to make people think I have it.

My childhood is why I find it so hard to be happy.

[Crescendo]

listen to this song (i didn't watch the video, but the first few second has someone with a bunny mask riding a motocycle, soit may be very weird, lol) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AzFywY7O5eE

"Everything's gonna get lighter, even if it never gets better."
-Get Better by Mates Of State

To me, that means life will be life. The past won't change, and certain present circumstances may extend into the future. But even if things aren't getting "better" they will get "lighter". They will become easier to deal with in time and with support.

Ask yourself "If I was happy, how would life be different than it is now?" It may be hard to imagine if you've been in emotional pain for a long time, but try to write as much as you can about what your life would be like. Then try to pick out the things in your "happy" life that you actually have control over and can work towards. Something like winning the lottery isn't realistic, but there are probably going to be several things that you do have control over. Make them specific and realistic goals.

You're Not Alone.

Megan

Megan