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Too much - January 22nd 2010, 05:10 AM

Hey guys. I guess I've been depressed for a really long time. It's always been this feeling but it never seemed to control my life like it does now. I got laid off from my job a while back, but rather than being mad like most people, I was relieved. I was relieved that I didn't have to go to work every day and act like I was happy and normal. So now I'm doing nothing with my life besides laying in bed and hoping I'll die each day. Life is literally painful for me right now. All these things that people consider normal actions like talking to friends, going grocery shopping, getting the mail, brushing my hair.... all these things are just too much for me. I don't know how I got here, but suddenly, I am here. And I purposely pick fights with people just so they'll stop trying to get me to go out and do things and hang out with them. I literally just want to curl up into a ball and disappear. I can't commit suicide, as of now, I'm too worried about what it will do to the few people in my life. But honestly, I wish I had the guts. I feel shitty enough for it though, trust me. I just want to feel right for once in my life. I wish the was a magic button to make that happen...
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Re: Too much - January 22nd 2010, 06:10 AM

Somebody please say something. Idk, somebody tell me that I have value... that my life is worth keeping. Anything really, because I never hear any of these things in real life, and that kills me. I always tell my friends how much they mean to me, but I never hear anything in return. And that hurts even more.
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Re: Too much - January 22nd 2010, 06:27 AM

Sometimes when my depression gets really bad all I do is lay in bed all day and cry. I get so tired that I can barely lift an arm. Never think you're alone, because you aren't, and yes, you do mean something. You're a human, you have a life laid out in front of you that you can use any way you please.

Start by working on the small things, such as getting out of bed. Make a plan to wake up and go for a walk, or at least sit outside for a while and listen to music. Do something that you can feel accomplished about, like painting or following a recipe.

Perhaps your friends have given up. I isolated myself for so long that I wasn't receiving any calls or texts or e-mails to hang out. At first they were always asking me to hang out and then the invitations became more spread out until for a few months they disappeared. But then I reached out and I asked to hang out, and I could tell they were surprised but they were all for it.

You really just need to put yourself out there. You obviously want to get better since you're posting on here, and just keep in mind that it's possible. For some, it might take years, for others, things can happen within a day, but at some point, the survivors of depression have all made it out. You don't have to do anything you don't want to do, but try doing the things you do want to do but never got to because you were holding yourself back. Know that no matter how long it takes, one day you will get better.

I was in the same position as you just a month ago and so far I've been doing great by simply stepping outside of my comfort zone and realizing that keeping a positive mindset truly helps. But I hope I helped and I hope you get out of this because you are worth something and life is worth everything.

Waitin' for my ruca.
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Re: Too much - January 22nd 2010, 06:28 AM

Just because they don't say it doesn't mean they don't think it.

You said it yourself, so obviously you know that dying wouldn't be a good answer. Of course your life is valuable and you mean something. And obviously your friends think so, considering they try to get you to hang out with them and stuff.
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Re: Too much - January 22nd 2010, 07:51 AM

calm down trust i felt the same but someday you will find someone that will make you happy trust me just enjoy every day of your life and everything will be changing since then hope i could helped you

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