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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Jonafin Offline
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Name: Jonafinnnnn
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Join Date: January 26th 2010

...... - January 27th 2010, 07:46 AM

im tired of being what everyone wants me to be.

im tired of dressing in what i want to wear and being called gay.

im tired of living 1000 miles from probably the only person that really knows me.

im tired of wanting to impress everyone.

im tired of being unemployed and constantly pressured to find a job and pressured into getting a job doing something i don't want to do.

im tired of being completely unsatisfied with me life.

im tired of not being able to look or talk to the only person i have ever loved without getting disgusted and wanting to vomit.

im tired of my ex bestfriend not wanting to talk to me because he only wants to do sexual stuff with me.

im tired of my dad living 1200 miles away.

im tired of eating until i feel sick.

i want to be able to starve myself until i disintegrate to nothing.

i miss sports

i miss my friends

im addicted to xbox

im tired of getting turned down by people that i try to meet.

im tired of it all.

the ink was smeared, the lines were drawn and scribbled unclear.
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
thisiscourtney Offline
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Re: ...... - January 27th 2010, 09:25 AM

Wow. We are remarkably similar. Maybe that's just common on TH, I don't know. But all of those fit me except xbox and the dad situation. I'm pretty sure my biggest problem is extremely low self-esteem and my mom, so I've been working on those. The thing that has helped me the most is really just positive thinking. It probably sounds insane, but I've been researching cognitive-behavioral therapy, and I've been trying to apply it to myself. It works for me pretty well. Basically, instead of thinking, "I bet those people are laughing at me", you think, "They could be laughing at so many other things." I think that's what you're supposed to do, haha.

Of course that won't apply to the people who say it to your face, but the only thing you can do is block those people out. Think of them as being the ones who need help, because in reality, they really are. Personally, I see looking down upon someone else when they aren't harming you as completely ridiculous. But I totally get you about the job thing. My dad wants me to go into the military or become a surgeon, both being extremely far from what I really would like to do. In the end, it's all your decision. It's your life, not anyone else's. I think the people pressuring you just want what's best for you, and would hate seeing you in financial trouble, so they're most likely throwing things out and waiting for you to say, "Yes! I'll do it!"

Is there the possibility that you can move in with your dad? Would you want to? I also think it would be helpful to just talk to someone, anyone who will listen. Just remember that you are you and you don't belong to anyone else. Live your life and do whatever you can to work at making things better for you. That's all I got. And oh yeah, it will get better.

Waitin' for my ruca.
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Re: ...... - January 27th 2010, 05:17 PM

Sounds like your going through a really rough time. I'm sorry to hear that. I think the best thing you can do is try to give yourself a break for a day. Maybe, turn off the xbox, tun off ur phone, turn off ur computer and just relax. Try and remember a time in ur past where you didn't have ur xbox and go do something fun! You said you missed your friends, maybe you could call a few of them up and go hang out? And. You never have to be anything other then yourself. Be who you are, who you wanna be, not someone elses version of you. Dress how you want to dress and if people have a problem with it then they don't matter. Those who matter dont care and those who care dont matter. Also, I'm sorry that your unsatisfied with your life. Its not a good feeling to have. Maybe, try to find some meaning in it. Try to figure out what you want to do with your life. You said you didn't want jobs because they werent what you wanted to do. What do you want to do? What do you enjoy doing?

Hope it helps. Just a few things to think about. I'm sure theres an upside coming your way. Take care.

Life is to short to put it off anymore
You gotta live it before itís too late
I canít turn that clock back around
On what youíre dreaming about
You better do it now, donít wait

Do something crazy and dumb, while your still young. <3

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  (#4 (permalink)) Old
Jonafin Offline
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Re: ...... - January 27th 2010, 05:37 PM

the reason i don't hang out with anyone anymore is because i trust NO ONE.

i have really high walls set, after have a 5 1/2 year on and off relationship i don't let my guard down with girls. They want to date me and get to know me and shit but i just shut them down and quit talking to them.

ALSO my "friends" used to talk about my back and say anything they have to say to other people to get them out of the whole gossip thing and put the blame on me.

I just recently got home from my dads and it was a lotttttttt more boring than it is here and there was nothing to do.

idk im stressed.

the ink was smeared, the lines were drawn and scribbled unclear.
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Re: ...... - January 28th 2010, 06:29 AM

sucks man.

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