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L.K. Offline
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Feeling toxic... - January 27th 2010, 07:18 AM

I seriously hate the person I've become. For the past few years I've just been this insulting, cynical, hurtful person that only looks out for himself. Now this is just my perception and I don't know if that's indeed what I am but it sure feels like it. And now, I think it's finally starting to show among my friends because I can just be alone and no one would care or notice. It wasn't like this before but now.... I don't know. Of all the things I could wish for, right now all I want to do is change. But it never works out and maybe it never will. F my life, because I'm just a pathetic mess and probably shouldn't be around so everyone can be rid of a toxic person like me. People like me shouldn't be on the face of the earth...
   
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Re: Feeling toxic... - January 27th 2010, 08:34 AM

If you hate the person you've become, then there is always the chance that you can change for the better. You must be willing to change, though. I'm not sure what you've tried so far, but maybe you could try looking for the positive in the people around you. It would most likely change your attitude toward them. But are you using these actions to cover up something else? When I was severely depressed, I would be so rude to people, and I knew I was doing it, I just never really thought about it until someone let me know that they noticed. I suppose it was my hateful view of the world. I know, though, that I've become so much more considerate of other's feelings. So no matter what the issue is, it's possible for you to change. Don't think you're "toxic", because you're not. You've simply unintentionally hurt people and asking their forgiveness can turn that all around.


Waitin' for my ruca.
   
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Re: Feeling toxic... - January 27th 2010, 02:51 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by thisiscourtney View Post
If you hate the person you've become, then there is always the chance that you can change for the better. You must be willing to change, though. I'm not sure what you've tried so far, but maybe you could try looking for the positive in the people around you. It would most likely change your attitude toward them. But are you using these actions to cover up something else? When I was severely depressed, I would be so rude to people, and I knew I was doing it, I just never really thought about it until someone let me know that they noticed. I suppose it was my hateful view of the world. I know, though, that I've become so much more considerate of other's feelings. So no matter what the issue is, it's possible for you to change. Don't think you're "toxic", because you're not. You've simply unintentionally hurt people and asking their forgiveness can turn that all around.
My thoughts exactly! There's still room for change, and admitting you have an attitude, is the first step to a more positive attitude (and we're here to help along the way if you keep us updated ).
   
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Re: Feeling toxic... - January 27th 2010, 04:22 PM

Hey,
First of all. Your not a toxic person. You realize that what your doing can hurt the people around you and thats a great step! I think that if you want to change, you can. I'm in the middle of changing who I am too. I found it useful to journal. Maybe you could write down every insult or negative comment you make during the day. Then look them over the next day and ask yourself, "was there a reason I said this?, is it a good enough reason to hurt someone?" and then maybe call them and appologize. Its okay to be a cynic, but not at the expense of others. I truly believe that if you want to change you can. I wish you the best of luck. I hope you can become the person you want to be. I'm sure you can.
Take care.


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Re: Feeling toxic... - January 28th 2010, 08:47 AM

Thanks for the replies. The little emoticon banter put it seriously made my day today . But going serious now, yeah I really do want to change. Being the somewhat-emotional person (specifically, an emotional guy (which isn't a good title to hold at school)) isn't something I'll ever be proud of so I should change that and make that a thing of the past. I will definitely consider the journal because most things I say are unfortunately said on the spot without much thought, which isn't good at all. Thanks again for the help! Caterpillar, I hope you are successful in your change as well!
   
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