Triggering (Suicide): Stress and Complete Disappointment

[alonealways]

I am so disappointed in myself for some of my grades in school and how much I have had to rely on my friends so far this year. I have already had two worrisome phone calls and a panicked friend show up at my doorstep begging for me to be okay. And then it seems like I never get better. I rely on their support and I hate it. I love it but I hate it. I want to get help and get better but there's only so much they can do and I want to get more help but I don't want to take the next step above them... :/

I'm stressed about scheduling an interview for a job and finals for school and losing my friends. They keep saying they will always be there for me but they have lives that they need to happily live instead of always hearing me talk about dying. I just don't know what to do with myself anymore. It feels like I've dug myself a whole that I can never get out of and the only way to help my situation is to die. I just feel really really alone..

[Kate*]

The similarities between us are striking, I often feel this way when work and stess build up and then I freak out, one thing that helps is not to procrastinate and manage scheduling and time as best you can (I know sometimes we get stuff dropped on us and there's nothing we can do) I actually talked to my academic advisor about this when I tried to drop a calss for this reason and she refered me to the counseling center. I can't be the only one who feels this way about this, but instead of suggesting a change, you refer everyone to counseling (clearly I found that unhelpful) anyway...

Originally Posted by alonealways

I want to get help and get better but there's only so much they can do and I want to get more help but I don't want to take the next step above them... :/

You're right that there's only so much they can do for you. What's keeping you from taking the next step? I kind of understand, but I want to know what your reasoning is because it might be different than mine.

[alonealways]

My parents just don't seem to understand at all.. I don't want to suggest it when we're having money issues and stuff..

[YouHearMe?]

If you have a guidance system at school, and you aren't too uncomfortable with your counselor, school and work issues are definitely something you could discuss with them. Most schools have tutor programs that will give you active help without actually doing the work for you (not sure how reliant your relying on your friends is). And as for the thoughts about dying...when I'd get worked up over schoolwork or sports or girls or something, just feeling like I couldn't handle everything that was being thrown at me, I used to picture myself being hit by a car or something and everything just being better for it.

What you need to do is explain to yourself that things would definitely not be better without you, that that would cause more damage than it would fix.

Please don't give up.

[alonealways]

I always picture myself getting hit by a car. That's why I don't want to drive. I'm scared I'll totally lose it and crash myself.

I just can't see the world caring if I'm gone. Like even when I'm perfectly happy and having fun with friends when I really think about it, it still feels like they'd be better off without me.

[YouHearMe?]

Well, you may not be comfortable enough to do this, but what if you asked them if they'd be better off?

Or if you have a dog; dog's are probably the world's greatest lovers, they don't care one way or another what someone looks or sounds or acts like. If you have a dog, ask him if he'd be better off without you. Chances are you'll get a tongue to the face, but I think the message will be perfectly clear.

[alonealways]

Maybe.. I'm just really scared somebody will eventually say "Yes it would." Or something.

[Kate*]

Originally Posted by alonealways

Maybe.. I'm just really scared somebody will eventually say "Yes it would." Or something.

I know that might be scary, but NO ONE will say that to you and if for some reason they do, they aren't worth your time or energy, so don't give them the power to decide what you do.

[Darrenboy!]

no, it never will.

and trust me .. everyone has went through a lot. and they certainly care about you

dont think too much about it. I think that you're a wonderful person , you certainly deserve to be helped. =) alright? remember we're always here to listen.

[alonealways]

My "friend" told me she can't be my friend anymore cause I'm not part of her group. I complain too much.. I'm going to lose all my friends like this.. I can't do this...

[Kate*]

Originally Posted by alonealways

My "friend" told me she can't be my friend anymore cause I'm not part of her group. I complain too much.. I'm going to lose all my friends like this.. I can't do this...

If she said that to you, then I'm sorry, but she doesn't sound like that good a friend. You won't lose all your friends to this, your good ones will stick by you.

[Darrenboy!]

agreeing with katie.

with real friends, you don't have to think too much about it. because real friends stick with you and never leave... plus they're there in a good way .

[alonealways]

If she isn't my real friend who is?? ""

I feel so alone.

[xxxAJxxx]

i sad to say, but that isnt a real friend. real friends wont leave you if you "complain". its more like getting your feelings out than complaining.

you gotta find ways to make new friends. just walk up to people and talk to them. most good friendships are developed randomly like that.

PM me. i think you remember me from before.

-AJ

[alonealways]

I do remember you from before. Thank you.

And I don't know. Now a few of my friends are completely turning on me some of them who have cared about me enough to come to my house and stop me from doing what I thought at the time to be the inevitable. And now they're telling me to not be a drama queen. It's shattering my whole world. They want me to be more positive and they want me to stop whining and only talking about camp. I don't only talk about camp and it's frustrating they would think that!! I can't be positive when everytime I am the slightest bit positive.. my world comes crashing down on me. I have no incentive anymore... I have no incentive to live..

[Darrenboy!]

i understand that it's hard to stay positive. But the fact remains that sometimes people do have relapses. You can overcome whatever you're going through ( your negative feelings .. your bad experiences.. ALL of it) if you have enough willpower and you just remember that and to tell you the truth, even when some people think you're a drama queen (THINK , i know you aren't one ) there's bound to be a select few who see through whatever they say, and realize that the real you inside is really, really suffering. You have to find those people and get to know them, and tell them the stuff that you're going through, because telling it to someone, expressing yourself is a great way to let off your negative feelings too. I know it's hard but i damn well believe thatat every damn end of the painful road, there's bound to be beautiful garden of roses around somewhere.

you gotta remember that.. and keep the fact close. I know that it is true. you CAN do this

[Jacksonian]

Live your life. If you are stressed then rest. Everyone has something that brings joy to them no matter the situation. In addition to this there is comedy, which brings sunshine to our faces and heart. Live your life and make it your desire to want to get well and do what is needed. You will only get out of that hole you have dug if you make the effort and a strong one. Somake the effort and live your life.

[alonealways]

I have been trying to make the effort. It's just not cutting it apparently. I'm trying my hardest to be positive too and I can only do so much. After all I am going through and they just want me to smile 25/7. It makes me want to scream in their faces that I'm depressed and they need to get the hell over themselves!!

[Jacksonian]

Such things you shouldn't try too hard. Simply make the effort and go on with your life. It too will come to you, so you just have to be patient but you also should just stop worrying. Just start living. If you have responsibilities, do them. If you have school do your best to perform well, that's how you go on with life. You do what you need to do and the rest will come on its own. You shouldn't try too hard. Sometimes when you try too hard you actually aren't trying the right way. So accept that you feel depressed and leave it be and go on with your life. Don't sit on the fact that you are depressed, stand up and start walking and going on with your life.

[Darrenboy!]

I get the feeling that you should like tell them what you are going through, and tell them just how bad you are feeling.. Once they understand, they are sure to help you, cheer you and support you all the way. You should tell them how hard it is to keep going.. because they are overpushing you.

Just remember that you can get better and improve at your own pace. Just remember that you can and will get better, and that's what that counts. Never forget that.. alright? Remember we are all going to be here to support you and in the long run, everything will be okay .

and in case you need to rant , just remember you can tell us any time

[alonealways]

I tell some of them what I am going through but hereare always those peoplethat hou jus don't know if they can handle the truth ya know? I guess I just really need to find out who my true friends are.. It's just not an easy battle.

[Darrenboy!]

but, still i believe that it is one that you can win

and i betcha you will!!

[alonealways]

Maybe... O.o

Sorry that post was sooo dang bad. Lol. Was on my iTouch.