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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
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Please, help me - February 4th 2010, 07:41 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of suicide, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread therefore might not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

Every now and then, I come close to hitting rock bottom
I usually turn to some sort of coping technique, like self-harm or drugs

Well, now, I don't even do those

I used to believe people could help me, now I don't

I don't even believe in counselling or therapy anymore

I'm scared shitless and want to die.
I have the pills. They're here, next to me.

Please. I don't know what I'm asking for. I need something. Someone. Anything.

Please.
   
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Re: Please, help me - February 4th 2010, 07:48 PM

Alex,
Stop for a minute. Take a deep breath and relax. Think. You don't want to do this. Think of all the people you will be hurting. There are so many people out there who care about you and believe in you. I believe in you. I am here for you and I always will be. Have you reached out to anyone in your life? I know it's hard but trust me they CAN help. I know from experience and I'm being honest. In todays society, there are so many ways to get help and it's not only therapy. There's medicine that can help you feel better, people to talk to, groups to go to, and so much more. Don't give up now when you have your whole life ahead of you. Believe in yourself and have faith you will get better. Because you will, you just need to reach out and ask. Find someone to call using the hotlines sticky. It can help you realize you aren't alone. People are here for you even if it's on the other end of the phone line. It's okay to ask for help. Just don't give up. Stay strong Alex because I know you can get through this.

I'm here for you.
Hang in there,
Alessa


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  (#3 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Please, help me - February 4th 2010, 07:48 PM

Is there someone you can call and talk to? A friend that you can go spend some time with? It's important not to be alone when you are feeling like this...
If not, a suicide hotline would be a good option.
Suicide is not the answer Alex. Please hold on. Hope is real. I believe in you.



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PM me anytime <3
   
  (#4 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Please, help me - February 5th 2010, 02:42 AM

Alright well my reply is gonna be a little triggering for some, but I need to say it. This is hard for me to open up about but since I'm in the suicide board, and all of you seem to not judge, this will be a little easier since we are all here to help each other, right? Just last night, actually I was so upset over stuff, and I didn't want to die, I just had a cry out for help, and took all the pills I had. Stupid idea. Think about it this way, life is way, way hard beyond belief sometimes, but lets just say if you tried, and failed you'll have a hospital trip from hell. Iv's, needle pricks, and the worst of all the flushing of the stomach with charcoal. Don't get me wrong, I understand EXACTLY where you're coming from. I use to, and occasionally self harm, and use to cope with pills, inhalants, etc. The thing is, is we as humans depend on people for our happiness, and such. It's like, nothing can make us happy, only people, and our relationships/friendships. That's the problem, but think about it, if you left this world today, would your life REALLY be complete? No. I guarantee you that MANY people love you, and would be just DEVASTATED if you were to kill yourself. It's hard enough when people die accidentally, but a suicide? That's got to be the hardest, and the worst. Just try, and think about your future, the good things you have ahead of you, and try to get out, and do things that DO make you HAPPY! I understand how hard this can be, but nobody, and I mean nobody wants to see you do this to yourself. Take a step back, breathe, and throw that pill bottle to the ground, and say, "I'm strong enough. I can do this. I'm BETTER than this." Because you are. I know you are! I also understand how you feel like you've given up hope on EVERYTHING. Counseling, therapy, medications, nothing seems to work. Sometimes you gotta try to do things for yourself though too. Try some different medications, take a long walk, draw if you like to draw, color if you like to color or even write if you like to write or hell swim! If you like to swim! You could have either situational or chemical depression, but just try to get out more, and damn you! Throw those pills down, and DO NOT take them. I'm telling you this because I've overdosed twice on prescription pills. It's not fun, and it's messy. Just keep your head up high, and PM me if you EVER need someone to talk to, I'll be there!

-Natasha.


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Re: Please, help me - February 6th 2010, 12:38 AM

Hey there,

I am sorry you are struggling but please do not give up because things can get better with time.

I know that when I am struggling I tend to turn to negative coping mechanisms but, I am slowly learning to over come those coping mechanisms and you can too.

Have you ever considered looking at the Alternatives to Self Harm? I know that you said that you don't use self harm or you other coping mechanisms and I am sure that is making things harder. Not because you are not cutting (because cutting is bad) but because your body does not have any coping mechanisms. If you were to look at the list of alternatives you might find some things in there that could become your new positive coping skills. This might make things a little easier because everyone needs to have coping skills and the more positive they are the better.

Why is it you do not believe in therapy?

I am going to tell you a little bit about therapy, something that I did not learn for a while, okay? When it comes to therapy the person who is seeking the therapy needs to put in as much as they expect to get back in return. Therapy is not just something you can go to, talk a little and expect a fix. You know?

With therapy both the client and the therapist need to do some work. The therapist needs to learn to listen, learn about their patient and do a lot more. The patient needs to talk, listen, do the 'assignments' a therapist might give and so much more.

Therapy is a work in progress but I promise it can work if you let it. One thing I would suggest is that if you have a therapist you talk to him/her about the struggles you are having with therapy, the doubts. And, maybe he or she could help you figure out how to make therapy better work for you. And, you could help them to learn what you need from them in order to get the help you need.

I know that you have the pills and that is really scary. I know the thrill and the fear that those pills bring but please remember that you can beat this feeling.

Do you think you could consider throwing those pills away? Or, if you have a therapist do you think that you could mention the fact that you have pills? I know both of these sound really scary but it could really help you stay safe.

Please hang in there and if you need anything do not hesitate to pm me.

Jenna


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  (#6 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Please, help me - February 6th 2010, 03:00 AM

hittng rock bottem is hard but you need to stop and take a deep breath. think about what your doing and how it will effect other people around you. there are people willing to talk who will listen. just let them hear you out they can help you. and alot of them aren't even profesionals. you just have 2 brave enough to endure the pain a bit longer cuz no matter wat you think there is some one out there who loves you and would go to the end of the world 2 save you from anything.


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Re: Please, help me - February 6th 2010, 03:14 AM

Hey there Alex. Just hang on...tight! Again, have you reached out to anyone? Do you have any older friends, or even some your age, who you are close with and can talk to? What about a teacher or other adult in your life? There is NO shame at all in asking for help and ending your life is a PERMANENT decision. Once it happens, there's no going back. NONE. NADA. ZERO. There are a lot more people that care about you then you might think. Your friends? Your teachers? Your parents? People here in this online community? Think of how many lives would be different without your's. Hold on, Alex. Again, there is absolutely nothing wrong with asking for help.


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Re: Please, help me - February 6th 2010, 08:14 PM

Thankyou everyone so much for such kind responses. I really appreciate them. I really do. I'm not sure how to respond to everyone, so I'll try to put it all into one message.

I've calmed down a bit, now. I still feel suicidal, but I've hidden anything that could harm me. I still want to do it, though. It's like I'm waiting for the right moment.

But.. you're right. I don't want to hurt my mum by commiting suicide... I keep kidding myself that she won't really care anyway, but I know she does. I just get the thought in my head, you know?

I don't know where to turn. In the past, I've turned to self-harm. I did that for a few years, and then stopped. Things got bad again, and I turned to drugs. That caused even more problems. So.. I decided to go to my doctor, who arranged counseling. I didn't do as many sessions as I'd have liked, but, I couldn't open up. I didn't know what to say. My mind went blank. I don't even know the reasons for the way I feel. Sometimes I do, but most of the time I just seem to forget. Maybe I'm pushing my feelings away? No. That isn't right. I don't know.
I didn't really want to tell her anything anyway. No good came of those sessions at all.
I don't see the point in seeing someone else, because I think the same situation will happen. If no progress is made, it's unlikely to be made because there is nothing to build upon, if that makes sense?
I just don't want to tell them things..

It isn't even confidential, because I'm 16. If they find out something that could hurt me, like me thinking about suicide, they'll tell my parents =/ That can't happen. Things at home are difficult enough without them continually worrying about me.

I've asked for help enough. I've spoken to teachers, people online. A few friends who have a small understanding that I have depression and anxiety don't exactly know how to help me. My parents don't know. I don't want them too.
I can't keep asking for help.
I know I'm not 100% committed (sometimes I am, most of the time I just don't care), and that doesn't help either. But that means I'm just gunna be in this shit place until I am. And that won't work.

No. I'm not even making sense now.

I'm sorry.
   
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Re: Please, help me - February 6th 2010, 08:40 PM

Honey, what you need is a hug and what you want is someone to help you. You have all you need right here. So many of us have been right where you are right now and someone helped us out and that is exactly what we're here to do for you. YOu have a whole family of people here who care about you. Put the pills up and don't cut yourself, all that will do is give you a scar. There are other ways to forget your pain and there are other ways to make it all better.

We're all here for you(: *internet hug* I hope you get better, Alex, and I'm always here if you need someone to talk to.


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Re: Please, help me - February 6th 2010, 08:44 PM

Alex,

No need to apoligize. You are doing the right thing by reaching out to so many people. I know at points you can feel so helpless but remember, you can get through this. Don't give up on looking for help, keep trying. It can be very hard to open up to a therapist but you just need to feel comfortable first. See if you can try a new therapist because some people are easier to open up to then others. I know you feel like your parents cannot know how you are feeling but think of it this way: If your parents don't know now, you may just keep getting worse and then if you did commit suicide, they would be hurt even more. Ask them for help now, rather then when it's too late. I'm sure they would want you to tell them now rather than later.

It's okay to not know why you are feeling this way right now. A lot of teens don't know why they feel the way they do but a therapist can help you realize why and help you fix it. If you don't feel like you can talk to your parents, keep talking to your friends. Let them know how you feel and try to do things that make you both happier together. Stay positive because it's all going to be okay. You have to be willing to help yourself though. You CAN keep asking for help. You can ask until you ask every person on the entire planet, and then keep asking. Stay strong Alex.

PM me any time, I promise I'll reply.
Hang in there,
Alessa


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Re: Please, help me - February 6th 2010, 10:00 PM

^I agree. There is NOTHING wrong with leaning on some friends/teachers/even parents for help. I get that you feel that you don't want to do it all the time, but that's why they are there! That's what friends are for, to give you support when you need it. They wouldn't really be your friends if they didn't

Like Alessa (>*> said, you can ask a ton of people if you have to! Keep trying! Just like write an email to some of your friends (separately) and ask "hey, can I talk to you about something?". That's what I suggest. Friends may not be professional therapists, but they can help you through difficult times.

I hope I've helped a bit

Keep trying to get help, Alex

You CAN do it.


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Re: Please, help me - February 6th 2010, 11:54 PM

I know it's hard to believe in something. I know very well the temptation of death. I've never believed in anti-depressants myself, but I have put all my faith in therapy. And even then there are days when I don't even believe in that. I've been where you are, only instead of pills it was a knife. Somedays I still feel the bitter pull of that beautiful temptation of death. But there has to be something in your life worth living for. And if there doesn't seem to be anything at this particular moment, what about in the future? What wonderful things would you be giving up? Think of the people you'd hurt by taking your life. Think of the people you haven't yet met. By choosing to live, you can greatly impact the future. By choosing to die, you're taking away any opportunity of greatness you may have accomplished. There's always something worth living for. Please never forget about that. Never give up the will to live. We weren't born to die. We were each put on this earth for a reason, it's just up to us to decide what that is.


-B
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Re: Please, help me - February 7th 2010, 12:01 AM

Oh and just a little note on therapy...it can be more than just counseling. Therapy doesn't even have to include anyone else but yourself. I've never really opened up to anyone about my suicidal tendencies, but I formed my own therapy. I spent an entire summer fully immersed in music. While I listened to music, I focused all my depression and desires to die into various art forms. By focusing all those emotions into drawings, paintings, poems and scenes I was able to produce something good while getting rid of the depression. I'm not saying that this will work for everyone. I just wanted you to know that there are other alternative forms of therapy out there. It's not all just talking to a stranger in their office while they take notes and ask you personal questions. Therapy can be just about anything. Art therapy, music, physical (exercise)....there's a form of therapy in every healthy form of fun. Just find something that you love and turn it into your own therapy.


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Re: Please, help me - February 8th 2010, 02:31 PM

Thankyou all so much, again. It really does give me hope reading your messages.
I never really thought the internet could help, but it appears it can ♥

I'm seeing my doctor again soon in the half term, so I'm going to talk to her about the situation. She will probably make another appointment with the mental health gateway dude, which usually takes about 3 weeks.

I also spoke to a friend a little bit about it.well, I told him how helpless I feel. He was nice about it. we didn't get to talk much, though. I might tell another friend soon.

I still can't tell my parents, though :S I just can't. When I was 13, the teachers found out about my self-harm and phoned home. She blamed herself, and I assured her it wasn't the case. They didn't understand. Dad thought I was a nutter and part of a cult type thing. I tried to explain but I didn't want to have the conversation, so I didn't explain as well as I should have.
Then, 2 years ago, mum got cancer. Things just went wrong there. It bought the family closer at the time but now we're just kinda falling apart, because while my mum is better, she isn't 100% fit. It's being going on for too long, and my dad is tired of it. Mum's confidence has also gone down loads.she worries so much.she drinks sometimes.
Anyway, she was drunk this one time, and kinda broke down, so I was there for her, and she revealed she blamed herself still for the cutting, and for my crap behaviour through school/college. That's why I don't want them to know. She'll blame herself even more. I don't want her too. It isn't her fault. It's mine. I can't even give an excuse or reason, it's just because I'm fucked up.

I'm not going to kill myself, for my mum. But if anything, I'm just making the situation worse, because I don't care to live. Everything is failing and it's too late to fix those things. I'm letting her down by living. I never thought I'd say this, but I'm probably better off dead, in the long run.

I've tried to help myself, but it doesn't seem to work either. I love art/photography, but it seems to go so wrong, which makes me even more stressed out.

I didn't go to college today.mum thinks he's going to kick me out. I'll speak to him tomorrow.. not sure what I'll say, though.

Sorry I'm being so depressing. I'm ashamed to say it often annoys me when people moan and drag on about something, but for once I can understand their situation.
   
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Re: Please, help me - February 8th 2010, 08:48 PM

That's awesome you spoke to your friend about how you are feeling.That's a huge step and you should be proud of yourself. Keep it up and definately talk to some more because the more people on your side trying to fight against this, the easier it'll be for you. Let your doctor know too how you are feeling. I'm sure he/she could set up appointments to talk with someone. Most are confidential and you can ask in the beggining so you'll know what not to bring up.

Keep trying to help yourself when you are feeling down. Maybe try something new like writing, drawing, or listening to music that will lighten your mood a bit. Don't let this ruin your school year because if you tell the school, I'm sure they'll help you out. Maybe give you a little less work or someone to talk to. Go to school when you can, because just missing more will more you feel even worse. Sometimes school is a good way to take your mind of your mood too. Don't be sorry at all. This is what this site is here for so you can be as depressing as you want to be. It will get better Alex just hang in there.

PM me if you need anything.


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Re: Please, help me - February 8th 2010, 08:57 PM

Great job for reaching out to a friend and telling them what's going on

Definitely talk to a few more about it. Keep it to a few people that you trust and make sure they understand to keep the conversation private before you tell them what's up. It helps to have some friends who are okay talking about difficult topics, because every little bit helps, and although they are not experts, just having somebody LISTEN to what's going on really helps


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