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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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Confusing much? - February 11th 2010, 08:47 AM

[[ I'm confused about the prefix option, so just be cautious when you read this. I don't know if I'm going to insult or offend someone. It's mostly about me and a way for me to rant out my frustrations]]

So, might as well start off and say google helped me find this site. I don't know what caused me to look up "teen help forums" but I did. I really don't know what I'm going to find here or even if I stick around longer than after I post this.

What's confusing is, well to put it plainly, my feelings. I can't understand it. My doctor says it's depression, my parents say I have a "problem", and my friends say I have "issues". I know I'm depressed, more for the fact that I've read about it and all the symptoms relate to me.

The confusing part is that I'm not always sad. My therapist (who I'm not seeing anymore because talking about my feelings never go well) asked me how many times I was feeling sad in a week, and my answer was 0-2 times, roughly. It's because I'm more of an angry/numb person. I don't care about a lot of things and I don't know why. I'd rather punch in a wall rather than sit calmly and sort things out. I've pushed everyone away from me and now I only have two friends left. Those two friends are now starting to get on my nerves and I've thought about cutting ties with them as well.

Then there are my parents. They're caring, but in the more "I'm going to yell at you and then I'm going to say I love you". Which, makes no sense to me at all. I've had my own problems with them and now I only talk to them when needed to. I hate starting up conversations with them because it always ends up turning into a conversation about my "problems", missed classes, lack of response and all that jazz.

Then there's my school. I've practically stopped going. Eight days in my second semester and I've already missed five classes. I don't want to go. I mean, I want to learn about new things, but I don't want to get up in the morning. I'd rather do online courses, but of course, my parents are against that. It's my last year of high school and I know I'm not going to graduate. It's impossible when I'm 8 credits, possibly more, short and I don't want to ask my parents to pay for those courses needed.

All in all, I just don't know. I don't know what to make of it, I don't know how to feel and I certainly don't know how to tell anyone that I hold close to me. The list of those people are extremely short and I don't know if I trust them enough to tell them any of this.
   
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Re: Confusing much? - February 11th 2010, 09:41 AM

Depression is not about feeling sad, its kind of a mix of subconcious with the concious. Atleast in my experiences, depression is when you feel the weight of the world on your shoulders. You can feel nothing (not happy or sad) and still be depressed.
   
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Re: Confusing much? - February 11th 2010, 11:08 AM

Hey, Ive got depression, and Im on the same boat as you. Im not always sad, Im also angry, and more often than not - numb. You dont need to just be sad.

I know school sucks, but dont make the mistake I made and drop out. I would sujjest talking to your parents, I know everyone is probably telling you this, but school is important, as much as it sucks, you cant avoid it.

I would sujest you find someone you can talk to about whats going on in your life to make you feel this way, it helps to find what triggered it off, if that makes sence. It doesnt need to be about how your feeling the way you do.

Also, Why are they getting on your nerves? Is it the depression making you feel that way? Are they still good people, and good friends, I wouldnt recomend cutting ties unless they were making the situation worse. Depression is alot easier if you have friends to help you through - believe me, I know.

I hope things do get better for you, and Im here if you ever want to PM me ok.

*hugs*
X Sonic


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