Triggering: what are qualified as active thoughts?

[Sodapop]

To begin with, I've attempted suicide before. I was admitted to a mental hospital a little less than a month ago for about a week until I was considered stable enough to go home. I left feeling optimistic about my circumstances but several bad things have happened since I was released (huge fight with my ex, general distance from my friends, behind in school, and rejected by the university i was counting on getting into). I'm really upset and I'm starting to feel that familiar worthless, hopeless feeling that I struggled with up until my overdose a month ago.

It's not that I'm extensively researching the drugs I would use to overdose on like I did last time. Let's just say I know exactly what'll get the job done this time around, you know? But overall I feel so depressed and unenergetic that I don't even think I could bring myself to try. I discussed this with a friend who said I should be admitted back to the hospital, but all they really do there is stabilize you and keep you in a safe environment. It didn't really help with my depression. It's not like they can keep me in there forever, you know? I know some people stay for months at a time, but eventually you have to leave and face your life again. I'm just having difficulty with that - with trying to imagine myself as being happy in the future.

Of course, I attend therapy twice a week and am supposed to see my psychiatrist early next week to discuss medication options. I really feel like I should see my therapist as soon as I can, Monday, but I was scheduled to work that day and I can't find anyone to cover my shift. And it's not like I can call in sick and then provide a doctor's note that comes from a mental health place. My managers would not be impressed.

I mostly just feel lonely. I really want my ex back. Valentine's Day weekend is not a good weekend... I kind of understand why more suicides occur in February than any other month.

I guess in closing I don't have any immediate plans to end my life, but it's like the thoughts are still drifting there on the horizon, you know? It's not fun to think about.

[EmisaurusRex]

Hey.
I think you're right about needing to see your therapist soon, and it's so good that you can recognize that.
Is there another hospital that you could go to? Another one might have a more structured set up that could be of more help. Your therapist would probably be able to talk to you about different options.
Don't give up. You can have a happier future. You deserve it.
If you need anything, I'm here!

[Thirteen]

I agree with the therapy bit, though you may not have to go to the hospital if the therapist can help you. You said the hospital didn't help with your depression? Therapy should, on the other hand.