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StokesieT Offline
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Failure - February 17th 2010, 06:48 PM

I'm not sure which thread this is supposed to go under but I just put it here. I'm in a rut. I'm eighteen years old (blah blah have my whole life ahead of me) and have heard it all before. I'm in college right now and I'm almost positive this isn't what I want to do with the rest of my life. I don't want to quit because I'll be lost as I'm really not good at anything. I'll be deemed as a failure to my mother and father and especially my siblings. I have no talents and it's not an easy search and find for me. I have been looking for years and years for something to do. I see myself as being a failure. I knew I was destined to be one. That is why I often think about killing myself. I thought once I get older and a little more mature with my thinking more then likely these imature thoughts of suicide would go away. But they haven't all they've done is gotten stronger. All these years of waiting for something to happen to make me want to actually be here has done nothing for me except help me to accept that I will be hurting my family by doing this. I do not have a date set in place. I have a plan and have written the note that has also taken me a long time to write. I'm pretty pathetic for wanting to kill myself over somethings so simple but I have horrible coping skills and I am pretty sensitive. I have seen a professional but she never helped. People don't like me so I avoid them and I'm so used to beng hurt. I can't believe I rely on someone on the internet who doesn't even give two shits about me to help me. My mother says that everyone goes through a stage that they think about suicide from time to time. It's been five years and she thinks that this is normal. Is it?

Sorry for ranting. I'm really alone in this.
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plk524 Offline
stuck...what to do?
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Re: Failure - February 18th 2010, 02:11 AM

You're not alone dollface. I understand exactly what you're goin through, and I may be younger, but I've attempted suicide 5 times. Aparently I'm supposed to be here. See, the thing is, that people don't know why they have the lives they have, but they have to figure it out for themselves. I think life is pointless as all hell, but I live through it day by day. Heartbreak after heartbreak. Friend-loss, and friend gain. It's difficult to think that there is something that you're good at, but hell, I'm sure you have something that you like to do. Fuck what your family thinks. If they can't respect your decisions, then what kind of family are they? Hell, I dyed my freakin hair blue because I wanted to make a point that I like to be different and unique, and then everybody else started doin it, and I turned my hair rainbow. The point of all my ranting to you is that you are given the life you have to life it how you want too. Not how everybody else wants you too. So put aside your note, and think for a while about how you want to be. I'm sure you see yourself somewhere, you just can't pinpoint where that is yet. And I highly doubt everybody hates you, because you seem pretty god damn chill!! PM me if ya want. -Prue <3
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