Triggering (Suicide): Fog

[Crescendo]

yesterday i told my mom and my guidance counselor i have a plan to kill myself. i said good bye to four people. called my therapist, told her. she told my mom if i do anything suspicious to put me in the hospital. I'm so dizzy, every thing's spinning. last night i kept trying to cry, but i couldn't even do that right. the tears built up, and i would sob one time, and then the would tears stop. i went to bed at 9pm, woke up briefly at 2 am and checked my email. waiting for me was a letter from my girl friend saying she was very suicidal and begging

"please let me go"

i'm supposed to be getting on the bus in a half hour. but i hate school, so i'm cutting class. i plan to get my backpack and shoes and coat and hide in the closet until my parents leave for work.i'm not sure if my school will call and say i'm absent or not, if they do my mom will freak out.

maybe by that time i'll be dead.

my girlfriend and one of my friends said if i leave they will likely kill themselves. that's the only thing keeping me here at the moment.

-

Damp grey thoughts fog my mind
as i trudge through each day,
dragging my feet.

sometimes i can rub the glass
and for a moment look out at the world
but the condensation quickly recollects
and the darkness envelops me again.

words ricochet off my skull.
"suicide"
"Failure" "loser" "pathetic."
"suicide."

my head is filled with damp grey fog.

Megan

[Life17]

I wouldnt tell you that everything is going to be ok bc your going thru a tough process right now. Maybe you need sometime to be along and redirect yourself, and maybe going to the hospital is the best place to do that.

[floatingangel]

hey hun, i know you're hurting so badly inside now but as you know and you've heard that death is not the answer! i know i should say that you should live for yourself and not your friends, but truth is, i'm still here coz i'd friends who're suicidal and if i go, i'm afraid they'd all jump ship with me. that works. and i'm alive. i'm glad i am too coz if i'd given up on life a year earlier, i would not have met some great friends i have now and life is finally looking up. (:
it's still true that no one can help you but yourself. don't let go of life, hang on. hang on as tight as you can even if it's by one bare thread. it's gonna be worth it in the long run, i guarantee!
i really hope that i can hold your hand and tell you eye to eye that it's all gonna be alright, and that you're definitely not a loser. i really hope to give you a hug that could bring you some comfort and sense of security. but i can't... so i'll pray for you...
take care and stay safe <3