Triggering (Suicide): nobody wants me

[Mika]

I have never seen my parents before, just pictures of them. Ever since I was a little girl, the only other people in the same house as me are the maids and drivers. I live in a moderately sized house with everything a normal person could ever have: a pool, a modern entertainment system, a game room, etc. but this only makes my loneliness worse because it makes me feel even more empty inside... the house is just so big and empty... i never run out of money because my parents sent me a card for my savings account that never runs out. I'd rather see them than be rich though... the head maid told me once that my parents loathe me. She said that it's because i was born out of wedlock and that nobody expected my mother (who, according to the maid is a high society woman) to get pregnant because they used pills and a condom, but apparently it broke and thus i came ti be. The only reason they didn't give me up in an orphanage is because it would ruin their image and I might someday come back and sue them for money, which would cause a bigger fuss. I try to patch up the gaping hole in my heart by hosting extravagant parties but... it never worked. I give up now. I just want to die. Maybe dying through overdose is a painless way...

[~CourageousSurvivor~]

Hey there,

Sounds like you are dealing with a lot. I know all of this can be hurtful but please know that you can make it through.

Sometimes parents cannot be there for us the way we want and that hurts like hell but you do not have to harm yourself because of it. As life goes on and you make friends you will find people who will love you. I know you might not believe it right now but it is true.

You know, for the longest time I longed for my parents (especially my mom) to love me and be there for me but that was something that neither of them could fully do. I got really depressed because of this and tried to harm myself a few times. Life pretty much seemed pointless. I figured I would always be alone and no one would ever love me. I figured if my own parents could not love me or be there for me why would anyone else?

Then, recently, about 8 months ago, I've been introduced to some really great people. I made one really good friend, someone that I can confide to and someone I know really loves and cares for me. Also, I am making friends with another person who I feel extremely close too and I think he feels the same way. Not only am I making friends with them but I am making friends with other people as well, people that I know really do care about me and would try and be there through tough times.

Neither of my parents are there for me the way I need them (although my dad tries) but through the friendship and love I have been shown I know that I am not unlovable and I know that even if my family cannot be there these people can be. This alternate family I have.

The same thing can happen for you but you need to try and get out there and make friends. Open up to people slowly and let them in. Start to trust people and start to open your heart to people. This is definitely a scary thing to do but it is worth it.

Your parents might not be able to be there for you the way you need but I promise that has no reflection of you as a person. It all has to do with them as people. There is something wrong with them that is causing them to not be a good parent. Your parents may never be there the way you need but that is okay and you will be okay. You just cannot give up.

Please hang in there and if you need anything feel free to pm me.

Jenna

[floatingangel]

hey mika, i know you're hurting alot inside. it really sucks to feel unwanted and abandoned especially when it's from your parents. parties, money, and everything money can buy cannot fill up that hole. we humans are built for relationships. so know that it's normal to feel that way due to your situation and it's not your fault that your parents are so irresponsible!
but hun, you got to be strong. even if your parents don't care, know that your life ahead belongs to you. dying is surely not the way out and you're missing out on meeting people who would love you as a family member. it'll be worth it when you meet them i promise!
and if you want to, you could also try joining a church coz that functions as a surrogate family, at least i feel that way, and it rocks. (:
take care hun..... stick it through and before you know it, you'd be able to venture into the world alone and experience life in a more meaningful way. i won't deny that your parents neglect will affect u badly emotionally, but you can overcome it...
if you can, try also to find a trusted adult to talk to, such as a teacher, counsellor, or mature relative.

[Mika]

thanks a lot... that made me feel better...