Triggering (Suicide): i want to give up

[annabanana.]

i'm waaaaaaay too close to giving up again... i'm scared and i don't want to do it but then i do, but i know that i have a really easy way and one bad day could just tip me over the edge...

[Buffie-92]

I know how you feel, but just trust that things will get better.
If you have any available methods of doing it, like pills and alcohol, GET RID OF THEM! Give them to someone you trust, or just throw them away.
DO NOT MAKE THEM READILY AVAILABLE!
If you need anything, feel free to message me or email me
bridgetjbhunt@gmail.com

Hang in there <3

[Ella.x]

You can get through this. I know you can. Dont let one bad day push you over the edge. I promise you that things can get better. Maybe try speaking to a school councillor or a doctor? It could do you some good. Just don't make yourself go through this alone.
Ella x

[annabanana.]

i can't remove them though... that's part the problem.
my brother is a diabetic and so there's a lot of insulin in the house that i can easily get
i can't deal with it anymore, i've had enough.
i just don't know what to do

[annabanana.]

i've started a sixth form recently and i don't know what's what... i have no idea where anything is. the doctor at first said nothing was wrong with me and i'd be fine.. she was wrong.

[Ella.x]

You need to be honest with your doctor and tell her exactly how you feel. Until you do that, she can't help you. I know this from experience. I know it's hard having a brother who has extra needs, maybe seeing a councillor would help you to get over the thoughts of OD'ing on his meds? I know that when my brother was diagosed with epilepsy I wanted to Od on his meds and it was only when I moved out of the family home that I realised how close I had been to taking them.
But just think, if you OD'ed on his meds and ended up in the hospital and he needed those meds, how would you feel if he couldn't get them. That's what I told myself when I was in your situation.

[annabanana.]

yea but i know he won't die without them... they'd realise he had none so sort it out.
i don't know i just find it really hard to trust and don't know if i'm strong enough. its just so tempting and close...

[Ella.x]

you can get help. I know you can. Maybe if you write itdown it would help you talk to your doctor? I know I find it difficult to talk to people in person. My councillor and I have worked on me writing a diary which helps us to figure out how I've been feeling. Maybe you could try it too?

[annabanana.]

i'm useless at talking to people in person!
mm yea i might try it... i'll see how long i can get through..

[Ella.x]

Honestly, If you just tell your doctor how bad you've been feeling and maybe keep a diary for the next couple of weeks of how you've been feeling, what you've been thinking and what you've been doing, it could help them diagnose you. If your doctor can't help, ask to be referred to a councillor or if you're desperate ask to be referred to the crisis team in your area. They can help. You don't deserve to be alone through this.

[annabanana.]

thank you
i'll try and do it...