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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Karaniya Offline
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Unhappy What option do you take when there are no options left? - February 20th 2010, 10:27 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of suicide, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread therefore might not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

I'm going to try and make this as quick as possible so I can get to the reason I'm posting this thread.

I've been diagnosed with moderately severe depression for 2 years now. I'm 15 years old, going to be 16 in about a month. So far I've gone through cognitive-behavioural therapy as well as interpersonal psychotherapy and a bit of hypnotherapy. They worked for a short while and then stopped. The doctor says that they've offered me everything that's available in my county, so there isn't any more medical treatment I can get except for hospitalization. My dad has given me hell from the beginning. He has never understood me and has always gone by the firm belief that I'm just not trying hard enough. My mum used to think the same as my dad, but now she's a lot more understanding. My twin sister thinks I'm selfish and cruel and that I'm just using depression as an excuse. My school has also given me a hard time. My depression has caused me to lose a lot of the concentration I used to have. The psychiatrist called it cognitive impairment. I used to be a straight A student, but now I'm failing. The school accused me of trying to manipulate the system and get what I want even when they'd received the letter from the national health service. I've stopped going to school for a while now, because I found that the environment made me feel worse.

So, now I've become extremely lethargic. I often just spend my whole day doing nothing, just staring ahead or lying in bed. There was a point before I got treatment when I was self-harming. Now I'm starting to get the urge again. Everyone always told me that when you hit rock bottom you can only go upwards, but then why am I sinking back down again?

My parents would never let me be hospitalized and I'm pretty scared of it too, since I'm an extremely private person and would probably freak out if I had to share a room with a stranger.

I've tried everything I can think of to try and cure myself, but now I've run out of ideas. No one can help me. I can't help myself. My education is down the drain. Now there seems to be no other option but death. I find myself almost hoping that some sort of accident will occur that will kill me off. I hardly even react to physical pain anymore (I'm really clumsy). What option can I take when there are no options left?
   
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Re: What option do you take when there are no options left? - February 21st 2010, 12:59 AM

Hey, Karaniya. Welcome to TeenHelp! My name's Shiane.

The first step to feeling better and getting out of this slump is getting help. Clearly, your parents and school are not a very good support system. You say your dad is against hospitalization; but if that is the last resort then so be it. If he really loves you and wants you to be healthy and happy, he will put you in the hospital. I would suggest calling a helpline (I think there is a sticky in this forum that gives you the numbers for a few of them) and then talking to someone there. You could also go straight to your hospital and check yourself in. There is one additional option, if those ones don't work out. I don't know if your school has counselling, but if you can refer yourself to a counselor it can help immensely. Getting your feelings out should help you feel a lot better. I know all these new options seem scary, but if you take them I can almost guarantee that you will feel better. Feel free to PM/VM me if you need to talk, or have any questions. I really hope you feel better soon.
   
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Re: What option do you take when there are no options left? - February 21st 2010, 01:23 AM

Hey there,

Sounds like you are going through a rough time. I wanted to let you know though there are ALWAYS other options. You just have to keep trying and find the right person that can help you. I know hospitalization can sound pretty scary, but sometimes you just have to put yourself out there in order to feel better. Even if you feel worse for a little while, it's worth it if you're going to feel better in the long run. You may want to look into some partial hospitalization programs if they have them where you are. It's kind of a step between where you are now and residential hospitalization. Most places run about the hours of a school day with group therapy and individual counseling throughout the day. Plus, at the end of the day, you get to go home.

If they don't have that where you are, try looking for a group therapy program. Sometimes it's really helpful just having other people your age to talk to about what you are going through, how you are feeling, and have other people give you ways they feel better. Because you WILL get through this, just hang in there. Even though it's hard, try to stay positive because it'll help your overall feelings. Also, if you can, find something to do during the day rather than just sitting there and thinking about things. It'll help distract yourself so you won't keep feeling worse. PM me if you ever need anything or just want to chat.
Stay strong,

Alessa


Whatever it is, chances are I've been there.
If I can make it out, you can too.
   
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Unhappy Re: What option do you take when there are no options left? - February 21st 2010, 02:24 AM

The psychiatric hospital for adolescents is about 1.5 hours away by car and you need to be referred there by a psychiatrist. The law here says that a minor cannot be hospitalized without the permission of his/her parents, so that is out of the question.

I already email the Samaritans regularly, but I don't use helplines because I get extremely anxious when I talk to people on the phone, to the point where I feel like screaming.

Group therapy is also impossible because there needs to be a referral from a doctor for someone to attend.

I would really like to stay positive, but how is that possible when there's nothing to motivate any positivity within me. It's like being thrown in the shark tank and then trying to stay calm. It's practically impossible
   
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Re: What option do you take when there are no options left? - February 21st 2010, 02:34 AM

Im in the postion that your in right now. I dont know what other options that I have. I do know that something has to happen for me to get better. So I guest I have to give into something and that hospitalization and I think that maybe that is something that you have to consider to.
   
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Re: What option do you take when there are no options left? - February 21st 2010, 02:56 AM

There is always hope. Never give up on yourself, never stop believing in yourself.
You sound exactly like what I was going through at the age of 16-17. I used to self-harm, but I remember there's no point in doing it even when I get bad urges to, that I don't need to punish myself because none of this is my fault, just as what you are going through is not your fault.
Perhaps it's best you put off School for awhile, so you can have some time to yourself to figure out how to deal with these feelings and get it all under control. I believe you can get over depression without the benefits of medications. I did. Your father sounds like mine, doesn't understand and mine never does either so I just stopped caring what he thought of me, I stopped caring what people thought of me and what they said to me, told them to back off and I don't care. You sometimes just can't care what people think or let what people say bother you because it's not important, they don't understand and they don't know what they're talking about so don't let them make you feel inferior of yourself. Just keep your chin up and remember you can do it, I got over my depression and got stronger and you can to. At the end of the tunnel, there is aLWAYS A LIGHT, everything can always get better for you but don't give up or you'll miss out on so many wonderful opportunities.
Try to look at the optimism in your life, the positive influences around you, and remember if you need to talk I'm here for you. *Hugs*
   
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Re: What option do you take when there are no options left? - February 21st 2010, 03:18 AM

Thanks. It's comforting to know that someone else has been through situations similar to mine. I do try to tell myself not to care what other people think and say, and although it works sometimes, most of the time, I find their words affecting me no matter what I do to prevent it from happening. Was there anything that helped you to stop caring about what other people thought of you?
   
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Re: What option do you take when there are no options left? - February 23rd 2010, 12:38 AM

Question : What makes you happy and secondly you used to be a straight A student but are now failing, so what happened around that time you started to fail ?

I think there is something else going on here. For example, when you say that you get anxious just talking to someone on the phone, it seems that you are just too sensitive to interactions. And the issue that you are private. Could it be that you just keep too many things to yourself. Also have you tried meditation ? By this i simply mean sitting and thinking about things you've gone through and reasoning them out.

Summary : It seems something else is going on here. So try and think about it and about being motivated, such things come on their own, you can't make them come. You just go on with life. And besides, though your life seems to be of no use, it is actually a gift, you just don't see it that way at the moment.

PS ; To answer the question you put as the title of the thread --> Sometimes you wait and be patient.


I came here to help out, so if you wanna talk or just need someone to bounce ideas or issues off of or something else then send me a message and I will reply as soon as I can.
   
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Re: What option do you take when there are no options left? - February 24th 2010, 06:03 PM

Nothing makes me happy anymore. I've tried thinking about that a lot, but I honestly cannot think of anything that makes me truly happy.

The psychiatrist said that depression causes cognitive impairment and that's why my grades started falling. All I know is that I started noticing that how I was feeling was not right around November 2007. I don't know exactly what made me feel that way.

I'm a private person, but I don't keep things to myself. I've been contacting the Samaritans for 2 years now, so even if there's no one to listen to me directly, there's always been someone I can talk to on the internet, but that hasn't helped at all.

Yes I have tried meditating and I found it counter-productive, because while I'd be trying to concentrate I'd have all these negative thoughts swimming round my head. I tried it many, many times, but it hasn't worked.

I've been patient for over 2 years now, how much longer do you think I can wait?
   
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Re: What option do you take when there are no options left? - February 24th 2010, 06:11 PM

Also, some people have said that hospitalization might be the only option, but there is only one in-patient hospital for adolescents with depression and it's about an hours drive away. Furthermore, that same hospital just got a grant from the National Health Service to clear the place up because it was a mess. While it is probably better there now, I'm not to keen on going to a place that needed that much intervention just to make sure the hospital stays clean.
   
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Re: What option do you take when there are no options left? - February 24th 2010, 07:54 PM

You don't have to find something that makes you truly happy. Just find something that lightens your mood a little bit. Anything is better than nothing. Maybe listening to music, drawing, writing, or painting? If you can't find anything, try something new. Make up a story, write in a diary, or go for a walk in the woods. Different things work better for different people and you just have to find what's right for you. You just need to keep hanging on. I know it's tough but you won't feel this way forever. You WILL feel better. Although I can't tell you exactly when, the harder you work to help yourself, the faster you'll feel better. Yes, it may seem impossible at times, but take things slow and do what you can. If you are considering staying at the hospital, visit it before hand. Take a tour, meet the staff, then decide if you really want to go there. If not, find a support group for teens with depression. It's really helpful to be able to meet others going through the same thing and talk with eachother about what works. Stay strong.


Whatever it is, chances are I've been there.
If I can make it out, you can too.
   
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Re: What option do you take when there are no options left? - February 26th 2010, 12:38 AM

I've tried listening to music, writing stories, drawing, painting, watching movies, reading books, learning a new language, learning a new skill, writing in a diary, playing sport, reading texts about happiness, chatting with friends, chatting with my mum, playing games, and more, but none of them lift my mood even the slightest bit. I could go for a walk, but not only do I not like being around in public, but there have been quite a few cases of murder in the woods nearby, so I'd rather not risk it.

I live in the UK. Here you cannot just walk into a hospital and take a tour. Teens have to be referred by a doctor and have the permission of their parents, so it is impossible for me to be hospitalized. Furthermore, because I don't live in a big city, there are no support groups for teens.

Everyone is always telling me that depression won't last forever, but how can you become cured from an illness when no one can help and you have no idea how to help yourself? I've literally tried everything I can think of to try and heal myself, but nothing has worked and now I've ran out of ideas.
   
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Re: What option do you take when there are no options left? - February 26th 2010, 12:51 AM

Hello there again. I noticed you said since the beginning of 2007. So what I am about to suggest may make you question what I type or even make you angrier but I want you to just consider it.

--> Sometimes when all paths are blocked and/or there is no way through, you just have to wait for the road to open.

By this i mean, you have to be patient for something to give you that push for life. I know 2 years is long, but you have to hold on and go on with life or else you won't find that push that will show you life again.


I came here to help out, so if you wanna talk or just need someone to bounce ideas or issues off of or something else then send me a message and I will reply as soon as I can.
   
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