Triggering (Suicide): I seriously cant live like this anymore

[purpleninja92]

Suicide facinates me and I like feeling pain. It's so hard to live anymore. When I'm with my friends, I'm perfectly fine and I laugh and I'm happy and I'm normal. But once I'm alone, I'm a completely different person. I think the reason why I'm only happy around my friends is because they go through the same things and urges so I actually have someone to talk about it to. And then once I'm alone, the suicidal feeling kicks in. Cutting is like a drug for me. It's an addiction. Watching my blood drip from my wrists facinates me and it's the thing that keeps me going. It's like a high for me. Lately, I've been thinking alot about suicide. It scares me to death how with one pull of a trigger or one thing that could suffocate me just lying around the house, I could kill myself in a matter of seconds. Thursday, my best friend shot herself and I feel like doing the same thing. I've actually made plans to go out and kill myself. I was going to either shoot myself but that would take too long to kill me and so I'd rather just tie a rope around my neck and tug on it as hard as I can so that I can feel the pain and the air leaving my body. But then the shooting involves blood and it hurts more. Idk I'm sure I sound like an idiot like a phycopath, but these feelings are real and it scares me to no end. But I can't stop. I don't know what to do anymore. I'm THIS close, THIS close to pulling the trigger. Help meeeee.

[WillO'Wisp]

DON'T DO IT, just don't do it. You still have people who care about you. How would your friends and family feel if you pulled the trigger, ended your life, and you wouldn't be around anymore? They'd be heartbroken and when you kill yourself it's very selfish because you leave all the people who care about you behind to pick up the pieces and try to move on with their lives, but sometimes they can never get over something like that.
As for cutting, you don't need to punish yourself, none of this is your fault, and perhaps talking to your friends or calling one of them up and chatting on the phone can help get these urges out, get stuff off your chest. Try talking to your parents about getting into see a Psychiatrist, a Therapist or something, someone professional who can help you. It's always okay to get help and you don't have to feel ashamed. Remember, there's always someone and something out there to live for, so never give up on yourself. There's always hope.

[Archie Wrath]

Alright, first off, distance yourself from your head. You're way too in there. Try to extrovert. Turn off the over-thinking. Isn't there something you've always wanted to do, or planned to do, but never did? Take a step toward completing that goal.
Remember this: You have no excuses. Even if you can think of the best reasons in the world that you should simply end your life, it doesn't look that way to anyone else. No one wants you to die except yourself.
Life is really hard, but you can't let it get you. Be the stronger one even if you think you can't...and maybe find a hero to live for.