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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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Exclamation PLEASE help me help him - February 22nd 2010, 05:35 AM

Hi all,
My boyfriend, who is abroad for the year, has been depressed and suicidal for the past few weeks. He isn't coming home until June, so this is incredibly difficult for me and his family.
I feel like I'm breaking under the pressure-I know, and everyone tells me, that it's not on my shoulders. He's seeing a psychiatrist, and can talk to two other friends and his parents, but he talks to me by far the most, and tells me things he doesn't feel comfortable telling anyone else. I've struggled with anxiety in the past, so this has exacerbated that-I feel anxious often, and cry almost every day. I live in fear of missing a call from him, or of saying something that will trigger him. I've noticed that I've been biting my lips and scratching my scalp, as well as eating a ton of junk to try

My question for all of you is: any advice? Have any of you been through this before? And if you're on the other end-what were the best things people said to you when you were considering ending your life? He sometimes feels alienated and more depressed when people say things like "you have so much to live for, we all care about you, life is beautiful," etc.
   
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Re: PLEASE help me help him - February 22nd 2010, 07:41 AM

hey.

i have had a friend who has went through a spell of depression in some way, and i have tried to help. Technically, maybe in this case , the best thing is to talk about what he's going through and give him solutions to help solve the problem.. since apparently psychological support doesnt quite help him as much. Well,thought out advice on how to overcome a bad situation definitely does help in a way

And sometimes the best thing to say is nothing at all... listening to him talk about whatever he's going through is a really good and sweet thing to do. It will work wonders if he's had a bad day and he wants to rant or something.. him knowing the knowledge of having people around him to help, listen and support him in a way is more comforting than many,many,many things.

Hope i helped.. and i pray everything's gonna get better!


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Re: PLEASE help me help him - February 22nd 2010, 01:32 PM

Hey tripoverjoy,

I know you don't really want me to say it but it must be really hard for you in this situation. I was in it a month or so ago and you have to stay strong, for him if no one else. Are you talking to anyone about how this is making you feel? Also if it's affecting your anxiety you should probably revisit a doctor, counsellor or therapist to see what they suggest to you as it needs nipping in the bud.

I've felt like he does before and I know what he must feel like. The best thing to do is be there for him which it is obvious you are doing and he will appreciate that. Try not to talk about life as a whole, because he obviously feels like his life isn't beautiful, so people telling him that will only make him feel worse and more silly than he probably already does. Try to keep him positive, distract him by talking about anything. Make plans for what you will do when he comes home, give him something to hold on to. Try talking to him normally as well, like nothing is wrong, it might make him feel more "normal" and positive.

Another idea, would he be able to connect to the internet? You could always suggest this site or one of the many others to him, that might be able to help him.

PM me if you need anything and I hope you are OK,
Take care <3
   
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