Non-PG13 (Strong Language): Haha... should I just off my self now?

[Vehemence]

I've always had issues with depression. Since I was a child, I did. I cycled through medication after medication to no avail. None had any long lasting effects, so it seems almost as if I'm bound towards the pessimistic veil. But it's more then that.

I have no real future. Not in a "ohh bawwww look at me why I cut my self and listen to my chemical romance" way. I mean I have no social skills and I haven't paid attention in school since third grade. Not that I learned much from school anyways.

So basically I'm assfucked as far as jobs go due to the lack of social skills and complete absense of rudimentary education. Aaaaand even if I do, then what? Get married, have kin, wait until I'm old and decrepit so the little fuckwads can punt kick me into a piss soaked nursing home to rot? Fuck no. That's both boring and unsatisfactory.

I could care less about the people I would effect if I killed my self. They are a means of shelter and food, and nothing more. No friends to speak of. I've spent the last few years actively avoiding everyone I possibly can.

So why don't I just kill my self? There doesn't seem to be any major loss. What's one more, small life against the foundation of many?

[Heartlines.]

I think part of it is helping yourself.. trying to see the brighter side of things. I know it is very tough to do that because you feel as if there is nothing to look forward to. I think you should see a counselor..she will help (Or he). They might be able to help with being more social. But what I can say is that you should try just saying hi to people, just bit by bit doing a little more. I know how it feels to feel so low and just wanting to give up. But I can tell you that you have a purpose in this life.

You don't have to rot in a nursing home. Not all elderly people do that. I have a 93 year old great grandma who lives with her husband by themselves. They are active for themselves and very coherant and aware of the life around them.

I think you have to want help to actually recieve it..maybe talk to your parents and tell them a little of what's going? Other people can onlt do so much..

Please PM me is you ever need to or want to.
I know that you can get through this..I'm a witness to it.

[don'tstopbelievin]

There are more avenues in life than that which you have described.
Not everyone has to get a job, have kids, raise them and then end up in a home somewhere.

I have so much in life I would love to accomplish. I probably never will but still, I have a list.

Now lets play 20 questions..
There's got to be something that you want to do? Anything?? Even the most obscure or hard to obtain dream. At this point I know you will say you don't. But that wasn't always the case was it? Or maybe it was. In which case why? Why have you never had a dream, an aspiration? Is it because you've been scared of failure? Maybe you're just generally apathetic?

I wonder why it is you place so much important on education and work in your post. Stop resigning yourself to a fate where because you can't automatically get a great job that you love, that you might as well not bother. No one gets anything handed to them do they? I was told this week that I have less than a 1% chance of making it in the industry I wish to because of the competitiveness of it all and because of my lack of financial backing. Sure, I was depressed about it. But it won't stop me. Even if I'm 40 when I make it. I want to make it.

There's got to be something in life you want to do. Something that excites you. Writing? Performing? Helping others? Money? Travelling? You could go down any avenue, work your way to the top.

I know you mention your lack of social skills will hold you back but that's not necessarily true. I think you'd surprise yourself anyhow.

Just don't give up before you've even tried.