TeenHelp
Support Forums Today's Posts

Get Advice Connect with TeenHelp Resources
HelpLINK Facebook     Twitter     Tumblr     Instagram    Hotlines    Safety Zone    Alternatives


You are not registered or have not logged in

Hello guest! (Not a guest? Log in above!)

As a guest on TeenHelp you are only able to use some of our site's features. By registering an account you will be able to enjoy unlimited access to our site, and will be able to:

  • Connect with thousands of teenagers worldwide by actively taking part in our Support Forums and Chat Room.
  • Find others with similar interests in our Social Groups.
  • Express yourself through our Blogs, Picture Albums and User Profiles.
  • And much much more!

Signing up is free, anonymous and will only take a few moments, so click here to register now!


Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

Closed Thread
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread
  (#1 (permalink)) Old
taylorr7239 Offline
Member
Welcome me, I'm new!
*
 
taylorr7239's Avatar
 
Name: Taylor
Age: 26
Gender: Female
Location: Florida

Posts: 17
Join Date: July 19th 2009

I cannot handle these feelings - February 25th 2010, 08:34 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering by the original poster or by a Moderator. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

So, I recently posted on the Pregnancy forum that I discovered I had a miscarriage earlier this week. Now, I know I'm seventeen and the baby wasn't planned, but it was okay. I was okay with it. Yes, I was freaked out and I was afraid and I was uncertain with what my choice would be in the long run, but then I found out that my choice was taken from me. So simple, just like that. Its gone. Its like I was never pregnant. But, I was. And there was a small piece of him and me inside of me, there was an us inside of me. And as much as I hated the nervousness, the sickness, the aches, the tender breasts, etc. it felt amazing at the same time. And now its gone. Its kind of a relief really, but at the same time I'm terrible depressed by it. I have raging feelings of guilt, because I feel like I did something to make this happen, and shame because I shouldn't be pregnant at seventeen but I was okay with it and happiness because I'm not going to have to give up all my plans and really bad depression because I just lost one of the best things life can give us. It is so hard being in school because every other five, ten minutes I'm fighting back tears and the urge to run to the bathroom and cut my wrists and hope that I'll cut too deep and that I'll bleed to death right then and there. It is all I can think about. Its consuming me and I can't fight this battle. I'm crying 24/7 and I'm not sleeping and I can't eat and my body hurts just as much as the emotional pain and everything is just terrible. I try hard to get the people in my life who know I was pregnant to understand, but I'm afraid of what will happen. They know I've been depressed before and its so hard to tell them that I just want to cry and cut and die. That I don't want to be here. That if some unknow figure could take my baby away without my consent than why can't I go too? I don't want to be here. It isn't fair. Nothing is fair. I just want to cut and swallow excessive amounts of pills until I don't feel anything at all. I want it all to go away.
   
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
survivor. :)
I've been here a while
********
 
Beautiful Disaster's Avatar
 
Name: Anna
Age: 26
Gender: Female
Location: UK

Posts: 1,101
Blog Entries: 122
Join Date: February 18th 2010

Re: I cannot handle these feelings - February 25th 2010, 09:38 PM

Hi there,

I'm so sorry to hear what happened, no one deserves to go through that.
Have you been speaking to someone about losing the baby? I would advise that you speak to someone, ideally a professional, about how you are feeling. Only they can give you the right support and help that you fully need.

You can talk to anyone on here about how you feel at any time, we are all here for you. You don't deserve to feel like this. Hold on to the hope of another of a baby in the future. You just need to stay strong okay? I believe you can do this, you are worth so much and you didn't ever deserve this to happen to you.

PM me if you ever need to talk okay?
Take care of yourself <3
   
  (#3 (permalink)) Old
Nina Twin Offline
So It Goes
Average Joe
***
 
Nina Twin's Avatar
 
Name: Marlie Elizabeth
Age: 29
Gender: Female
Location: Idaho

Posts: 199
Blog Entries: 1
Join Date: January 6th 2009

Re: I cannot handle these feelings - February 26th 2010, 07:26 PM

Hey -
I'm really sorry to hear about your loss. It sounds like you're having a really difficult time handling this, and it's okay to be upset about it. You have to understand, though, that you didn't do anything to cause this. These things just sort of happen sometimes. I guess the universe plays cruel tricks on us every once and a while.

You don't deserve to die because of that, though. You are so loved by your friends and family, and you should love yourself too. You will be able to carry a child again someday, and it will be absolutely beautiful.

Maybe you should talk to a school counselor about what's going on. He or she would really be able to help you through this. Your friends and family are always there, too. You aren't alone - I promise you. I think if you talked about this more often (even though it doesn't seem like it), things will get better. It will be easier for you to cope.

Feel free to PM me anytime. Everything will be okay, I promise.


"Life should not be measured by how far we can fall, but how high we can climb."



  Send a message via MSN to Nina Twin  
  (#4 (permalink)) Old
taylorr7239 Offline
Member
Welcome me, I'm new!
*
 
taylorr7239's Avatar
 
Name: Taylor
Age: 26
Gender: Female
Location: Florida

Posts: 17
Join Date: July 19th 2009

Re: I cannot handle these feelings - March 1st 2010, 01:05 AM

Thank you, guys. I'm still having a pretty hard time of it. I have been talking about it a little. I ended up having to tell my mom because one of my (adult) friends (my old assistant principal from middle school) called her and told her I was feeling suicidal. I also tried talking to my school social worker and she ended up talking to my mom too, so I ended up telling her. It worked out okay. I just still feel really down about it though. I went back to cutting as well. I'm not too proud of it, but its all I can do right now. I talked to my boyfriend (the- would be- father) today and I told him about how I'm feeling and he doesn't really seem to get it. I asked him if he was even a little bit sad and he said yes, but that was all he had to say on the matter. I just don't want to hurt anymore and cutting is the only way that helps, except a few hours after I do it, I feel even worse. I'm just sad. I don't want to die, I just want control over what happens to my body. I didn't get a say in what happened to my baby, I want some sort of say as to what happens to my body.
   
  (#5 (permalink)) Old
survivor. :)
I've been here a while
********
 
Beautiful Disaster's Avatar
 
Name: Anna
Age: 26
Gender: Female
Location: UK

Posts: 1,101
Blog Entries: 122
Join Date: February 18th 2010

Re: I cannot handle these feelings - March 2nd 2010, 07:21 PM

Hey,

I'm so glad you've been talking to people about things. You are so brave and courageous, I admire you for that! To be honest, you will feel down for a while and there is no quick fix. What happened was an awful thing to happen and no one deserves it to happen to them. Just hold onto the fact that one day you will have other beautiful children.

You say you want some sort of control... Cutting won't give you that control. Very soon it will become an addiction and then it will control you. You really don't want that. I know this is a hard time for you and it may feel like the only option, but it isn't. You've said yourself it makes you feel worse after. Have you tried the Alternatives thread (click here)? I think it would be good to nip this in the bud before it fully develops again.

I think your boyfriend really does care, but men aren't always the best at sharing their emotions. He probably needs time to fully digest it, but he may not feel the same as it was part of you, in your body. Therefore it affected you more, you are bound to feel more emotional.

Always here for you,
Take care.
Anna
   
Closed Thread

Bookmarks

Tags
feelings, handle

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off




All material copyright 1998-2018, TeenHelp.
Terms | Legal | Privacy | Conduct | Complaints

Powered by vBulletin®.
Copyright ©2000-2019, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Search engine optimization by vBSEO.
Theme developed in association with vBStyles.