Im loseing my mind *poss Trigg*

[Kayla200]

I guess this falls under depression so...I just feel like Im not good enough Ive never felt good enough like ever ive always had 2 live up to my younger brother...hes well better then me at everything I dont play sports he letters in sports, I cant lift near as mant lbs as him, Im not the skinnyest out of us two ne more..I mean neather of us are big but he has muscles n I dont,Im graduateing this year and I havent made myself known at my school at all,the list goes on and on lol but i dont know I clean so much that scarely I know where everything is and is suposed to be in my house I can tell you what cleaner to use for the floor ect but I never leave my house anymore except on ocasion I dont have fun anymore infact im pretty sure I forgot the meaning of fun.....I dont laugh Ive started to actually get mad for no reason and freak out on my friends Im sick of school and I cant stand practically anything...Im tired all the time...Im sad....I cant take it anymore the anaversery of the three boys who died last year is next week...I need to snap out of this but I cant remember how I snaped out of it the 1st time...I cant find a job and ive applyed practically everywhere, I just dont know what to do I feel as if im loseing every bit of my mind I zone off and just think about things all the time people sometimes have to yell at me more then once before I realize there talking to me...I dont know this is gettting long so Ima stop here but any advice would be greatly greatly appreciated
Thanks
~Kayla~

[kim700]

you know what i know exactly how you feel. i graduated from Highschool and i never did make a name for my self...it was so bad that some kids told me they forgot i even attented school,and i had no true friends. The teachers hated me and tried to flunk me out. You know your senior year you are suppose to have fun,well i spent my whole entire senior year struggling with really tough independent studies. Just like you;you had to yell at me before i would know you were talking to me,and i would be walking and bump into people because i would just zone out. I had to got to three funerals back to back..I never felt like i could measure up to anybody either. Every since i graduated I've felt free and i understand. When you graduate you will feel free and being better than someone won't even matter to you. I've learned and you will learn that its not what you are in Highschool but what you are in life. The problem is you don't need to compare yourself to anybody ,especially your own flesh and blood. God created you with something special too,and you may not be able to see all those special things right now,but believe me they are there. If your going through a hard time;its understandable to be angry and upset,but take all that energy and problems and put it on God. Without some type of spirituality we cannot make it in this hard life. God may not help you immediately but he will help you when you need it the most. God is the only reason i made it through such difficult time,and you can make it too!! God-bless!!

[annabanana.]

Hey Kayla,

I'm sorry you feel like this, no one deserves these feelings. You aren't loosing your mind, you are just really hurting deep inside. And we would never laugh at you here, we don't judge you - we just try to help the best we can.

In terms of things with your younger brother... You are two different people with two different talents. You shouldn't expect to be the same as him, as good as him in some cases. Just like you are better than him in other areas. And being skinny is not a huge deal, you shouldn't be competing in that respect.

Don't worry about not making a name for yourself or making yourself known - it isn't the biggest priority when you are at high school. Some people I went to school with probably still don't know my name or anything about me. It isn't the nicest feeling knowing that.. But then you gotta remember that your friends knew you and they are the ones that count at the end.

Is there anyone you could meet up for a coffee with? Perhaps go out for a chat, not neccessarily about this but something to take your mind off it for a while and have some fun.

Anger is the defence mechanism for sadness.. People feel they can't express their true emotions so often anger replaces them. That is why you keep snapping with people. Do you know why you are feeling sad? Has anything imparticular happened to cause this?

Do you have anyone, anyone at all you can talk to about these things? I really think it would do you some good to have a good heart to heart with someone and get some things off your chest, it will make you feel a lot better.

All these things you are describing seem to be symptoms of depression.. Have you been to see a doctor about this? If you haven't then I recommend that you do. Even if it isn't, they will be able to help the best, and you deserve the best. Okay?

You can get through this.
PM me if you need a chat anytime, I hope I have helped in some way.
Take care.
Anna

[Kayla200]

I do believe in god and always pray but it hasnt helped...also yea things have led this on people keep makeing up lies about me I feel as if I will never be good enough for anyone I cook and clean all the time and never leave my house I only talk to to of my friends from my town I am just so sick of school and the redicilous stuff they are makeing us do the anaversery of the 3 boys who died is next week which it will be a year my brother doesnt help me with any work in this house I clean and shovel to the point i cant even stand some times my moms morphea is progressing at an alarming rate...I cant show emotion or I will get yelled at or laughed at by my family and I used to have friends I could talk to but not any more the one I fully trust with everything is in college and has no time to do anything except study n I havent talked to her in a wile....Im up for my cosmo test soon and because my teacher wont teach I doubt I will pass...I just I dont know people in school just make it worse....i cant find a job and when I get my cosmo liscense ima go into that which I hate....Idk I just dont know what to do theres a lot more im worrying about but as this is long I will stop here o and I cant and wont go to a doctor about this because all they will do is put me on druggs that will make me not me and if I would go to the doctors it would be admitting that I have feelings and my mom wouldnt stand for that...
~Kayla~

[Whisperer]

Hey there,

Sorry to hear you are going through such a rough time. But remember, this is just temporary, things will get better. Maybe you could talk to your parents about having your brother help out with the work? It's definately not fair you have to do it all yourself. It's ok to show emotion. Wait until your family is out, or go into your room and scream or cry into a pillow. Everyone is human so we all have emotions whether we show them or not. Holding it all in will just make you feel worse. If you can, try to make some new friends. Talk to someone new and once you get comfortable maybe you could open up to them about the way you are feeling.

Don't let these people get to you. I know being laughed at and ridiculed can be extremely hurtful but let it go one in ear and out the other. You are stronger than them. They aren't worth the energy. They are doing it to simply make themselves feel better and by letting it get to you, your giving them what they want. Their opinions don't matter, they are just kids with nothing better to do. If school is stressful, take things one step at a time. Try staying after with your teacher so you can learn the material better and pass the test. Don't get overwhelmed though, just go slow at your own pace.

Also, going to a doctor doesn't necessarily mean they will put you on medicine. It's a personal decision and if you don't want that, you don't have to take any. But by talking to a doctor, they can help you find someone such as a counselor or therapist to talk to. Reaching out can be scary, but it's a sign of strength so don't be afraid. Sometimes all you need is just someone to let things out to and someone to talk to. And that's OK. It's worth it if it's going to help you feel better.

Don't hesitate to PM me if you need anything or just want someone to talk to.
Stay strong,

Alessa

[kim700]

you have to be hopeful that things will get better while you pray. Trust me in the end everything will be alright. Pain last a long time but it doesn't laugh forever. The things are only temporary and most importantly it only a test. Life is basically just a Test. We all go through our trials and tribulations that help makes us stronger. You will be a much stronger person after you get through all this and graduate. I'm telling you when you graduate which will be before you know it...you won't have to see those kids everyday and you can just be yourself. No matter who makes fun of you be proud of who you are and stand strong. Don't worry about all the lies...in the end the truth always prevails.