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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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Alexx Offline
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Name: Alex
Age: 26
Gender: Female
Location: England

Posts: 150
Join Date: November 10th 2009

It's happening again :( - February 26th 2010, 08:59 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of suicide, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread therefore might not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

I'm so, so so sorry
I don't believe I'm making another post so soon after my last
You really helped last time

Things improved for a while but this last week I've just felt even worse.

I just.. I'm loosing it. I think. I think I'm delusional. I'm so paranoid about people, I always think they're talking about me or looking at me. And I think there's something wrong with me all the time, and I don't know whether that's a delusion, or whether that's the truth.

I'm on antidepressants at the moment, and they seem to have made things worse. I'm going to see my doctor on Wednesday about that.

I'm scared about being happy, I don't want to get better and I don't know why. I can't imagine anything being better. I will forever be in this stupid, stupid way.

I'm loosing the energy to move. If I lie down, I don't see the point in getting back up. I don't see any point to anything. I've lost all interest in everything.

I think about suicide all the time, but won't go through with it. I wish I could.

I'm sorry. I don't know who to talk to or who to tell.
So I'm telling you all, again.
I'm so sorry.
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
Fictional Offline
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Name: Jessy
Age: 24
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Location: here, stealing all your help =P

Posts: 1,520
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Join Date: January 9th 2009

Re: It's happening again :( - February 26th 2010, 09:20 PM

Honey, whatever you do, don't go through with it. I can understand about not seeing the point in carrying on sometimes, but you have to remember that things can get better. I don't believe it's a case of if you let it, things will improve, you have to work hard enough for it. It's like mind over matter, I'm sure. If you do your best to get up when you lay down, as long as you keep that up, things should get better.

Try finding people that you can let your guard down around. I've experianceed paranoia - to an extent - myself, and it's shit, I understand that. But don't let go of the knowledge that most of it's really just in your head. Please don't take this the wrong way, but most people probably aren't paying anywhere near as much attention to you as you think. Paranoia's just a way of us projecting our insecurities onto other people.

As for why you don't want to 'get better', might it be fear of the unknown? I've no idea how long you've felt this depressed, but if it's been a while, might it be that you've got so used to it that you're scared of the change if you start to feel happier again?

As for who to talk to, if you're in the UK, you can call either Childline or Samaritans, both services there specificly to help people in your situation. Alternatively, you could try getting councelling - it's probably possible that your school or college can arrange for you to get a course of councelling without them ever contacting your parents about it. Or if your parents want to get involved, then in the UK, there's CAMS (Children and Adolesant Mental health Service), again a service intended to help people in the same predicament as you. Talking to your friends about it might help - they've probably picked up on your depression and worry about you. Or just talk to us on here. My inbox is open if you ever need a shoulder to cry on - so to speak.


We're always here for you, don't forget that.

Jessy xx

There's always light at the end of a tunnel, even if you have to pass a few bends to see it.

Proud reciever of a glance from Kyo xD

Mada tooi anataboshi
  (#3 (permalink)) Old
survivor. :)
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Name: Anna
Age: 26
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Re: It's happening again :( - February 26th 2010, 09:54 PM

Hey there Alex,

Don't worry about how many times you post! We are all here to help you whenever you need it

I'm really glad you have made that appointment with your doctor, well done. Maybe you could try talking to him about how you are feeling? That way he will be able to offer you the best help available.

I think you don't know if you want to get better because you are scared.. You are scared of the unknown. You have been wrapped up in these horrible feelings for so long that you can't remember what it feels like to be happy. You have felt like this for so long, you don't think it has ever been any different. But let me tell you this - it's great! And you can get there. It won't be like this forever, I promise.

Don't worry, losing interest in everything is a symptom of depression and your interest will come back in time. Try to find someone you trust that you can talk to (a parent, friend, relative, doctor, pastor) - it can only help you. I believe you can break through this.

If you don't feel confident enough to talk to someone in person then in Britain there are a number of online chat's you can have, like Live Help on here, that can be particularly useful.
Here are a few of the sites that offer this service:
www.samaritans.org - they don't offer an online chat however they do offer a useful email service.

You don't deserve to kill yourself. It will cause more pain, hurt and upset than you can ever imagine for those you loved and those who loved you. But equally, you don't deserve to live with this pain either. But part of that will disappear as you start to get the help you need and so much deserve. You can get through this!

Please look after yourself, remember suicide isn't the answer.
PM me if you ever need a chat,
Take care.
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